There be sharks!

By Richard Battin

The odds of being attacked by a shark are around 3 million to one. The odds against winning the Mega Millions jackpot are hundreds of time higher, around 300 million to one. But people win the lottery all the time, so what’s up with that?

Between January and mid-April thousands of black tipped and spinner sharks head south from North Carolina searching for warmer waters, between 69 and 75 degrees. They usually find that “just right” spot off the coast of Florida, between Palm Beach and Miami; you know, where we live. So, wouldn’t that at least change our odds a little?

But the naysayers still scoff at those burdened with Galeophobia (fear of sharks). Among the things more likely to kill you than a shark, according to casino.org, are traffic accidents, lightning and jellyfish. Also on the top 10 list are tripping, eating (choking or contaminated food), and falling out of bed. Now that’s where the skeptics’ theory falls apart. As far as I know, there is no word for fear of falling out of bed.

So, let’s look at the big picture about shark attacks, from the 20,000-foot level, which is where I’d prefer to be than in the center of a “shiver” of sharks. Yes, that’s one word for a group of sharks. Another is “frenzy”. Do either of those words sound pleasant to you? You want pleasant? How about an “exaltation” of larks, a “jubilee” of eagles, a “thrill” of brides? Coincidence? I don’t think so.

The majority of shark attacks occur in the United States. Australia comes in a distant second. According to a report released in January by the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File, shark attacks were down last year in the U.S. and worldwide.

There were 64 unprovoked shark attacks worldwide in 2019, down from the average of 82. Sharks killed two people last year. The average is four.

“We’ve had back-to-back years with unusual decreases in shark attacks, and we know that people aren’t spending less time in the water,” said Gavin Naylor, director of the Florida Museum of Natural History's shark research program. “This suggests sharks aren’t frequenting the same places they have in the past. But it’s too early to say this is the new normal.”

“Unprovoked" attacks are defined as incidents in which an attack on a live human occurs in the shark’s natural habitat with no human provocation. I have to question what is considered unprovoked. Sometimes, and I say this with no malice, it seems like people are just asking for it.

Take, for example, Shark Attack Database case 1882.00.00.b from January 1, 1882. During what was vaguely described as an “exhibition,” in the bay “near the naval yard at Pensacola,” the database entry reported, one John T. Clark was “tied in a sack and thrown overboard.”

Now Harry Houdini was seven years old in January of 1882, so it’s unlikely Mr. Clark was trying to imitate one of Houdini’s famous escapes. Clark was uninjured, according to the report, but, underwater, the sack was rammed by a shark and the shark continued to “harass” Clark when he resurfaced.

Clark’s story bobbed to the surface again In a Feb. 28, 1910 edition of the Buffalo (New York) Commercial in a story about whether sharks will attack people. Strangely, it was a debate that raged well into the 20th century.

“WILL SHARKS ATTACK MEN?” read a headline in a September, 1896 story in the St. Louis Globe-Democrat. “A South Carolina Observer Says That They Will Not,” the subhead affirmed.

“SHARKS WILL ATTACK PEOPLE,” claimed a headline in a June, 1900 story in the Washington Times, reprinted from the New Orleans Times Democrat. “An Old Pilot’s Story of a Tragedy He Witnessed,” the subhead read.

Getting back to our adventurous Mr. Clark, the Buffalo newspaper article said he had “agreed to be sewn up in a big sack, heavily weighted with sand, and be thrown into the bay near the navy yard, from which the bag he was to escape by cutting his way out with a knife and swim to shore.” So much for sentence structure.

“He had hardly got more than thirty feet below the surface when something bumped against the sack and almost instantly the idea flashed through his mind that it was a shark.” In fact, it turned out to be two sharks, one of which he stabbed repeatedly after cutting his way out of the bag.

“On reaching the surface he was greeted with cheers but noted with dismay that there were no boats near,” the story continued. I think “dismay” might be too weak a word given the circumstances. I would have gone with “horror.”

Shark-related injuries can occur in any number of ways. A story in an April, 1900 edition of The Florida Star (Titusville) refers to West Palm Beach resident N.H. Monck injuring himself seriously at his place or work in New River, where Fort Lauderdale Beach Park now stands.

Mr. Monck had a fertilizer business. He made his own fertilizer and shark flesh was among its ingredients. Don’t ask me to explain this, but Monck used dynamite to catch sharks. “While preparing some of the dynamite for use that day it exploded, horribly mangling his right hand,” the story said.

He was rushed to a hospital in West Palm Beach where his right hand was amputated. Which was a real tragedy because it was his left hand that was injured. Just kidding. I’d already said it was his right hand. Just having a little fun with you. I was leading into someone offering to buy his gloves but that’s probably going too far.

I was going to include some random shark facts from the National Geographic, but there’s only four that really interest me, three of which because I live in Florida.

• Over the last half-century, there have been more unprovoked shark attacks in Florida (27 out of a total 139) between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. than any other time of the day.

• New Smyrna Beach south of Daytona Beach is the shark attack capital of the world. It is estimated that anyone who has swam there has been within 10 feet of a shark.

• September is the month with the most Shark attacks in Florida (93) 1920-2010.

This last fact is the clincher. In 1996 sharks injured 13 people. Toilets injured 43,000. Oh, the humanity!