Home

‘Mummy, how long is it until we get there?’

‘Not too long now,’ Soleil said softly, turning around to look at her young daughter sat harnessed in the rear seat of the car. She could see that Lana was tired, and reached back to gently brush away hair covering her daughter’s small, plump face.

‘Ready to have a little nap, sweetheart?’ Jasper asked, looking back momentarily in the rearview mirror, whilst maintaining his focus on driving the car down the quiet road.

‘I think so?’ Lana then yawned, outstretching her hands and feet.

‘Yeah, you’re not the only one!’ Jasper replied. Soleil then reached over and started to massage the back of his neck, and they exchanged affectionate smiles.

‘Do you want me to take over?’ Soleil asked.

‘No, it’s fine, it won’t be long until we arrive,’ Jasper said.

‘When we get there, are we going straight to see granny?’ Lana asked enthusiastically.

‘Not straight away,’ — Soleil turned once more to face her — ‘we need to unpack, take a rest, and can get something to eat before going to see granny.’

‘Oh, okay!’ Lana then started to suck her thumb and hum a tune, whilst playfully wobbling her feet up and down and gazing out of the window.

‘Do you need to finish that report?’ Jasper asked.

Soleil leant her elbow on the windowsill and rested her forehead on her fingertips. ‘I have until Monday to submit the first draft to the environmental committee. I have written all of the data into a cohesive explanation, but just need to do another draft. The introduction is proving difficult to word,’ — she then sighed — ’it can wait until tomorrow.’

‘Sounds good,’ Jasper said warmly.

Soleil then averted her attention out of the window, contemplating the report. They were still going through the countryside past vast, sprawling farmland.

For a few minutes she stared absent-mindedly out at the landscape, until, suddenly, something in her memory resurfaced, conjuring unpleasant emotions. She sat upright and feverishly scanned the horizon.

Jasper noticed this and said, ‘Is everything all right?’

But she did not respond and continued to look out towards where the car was heading.

‘Soleil?’ Jasper asked more assertively. This time, she registered and looked at him.

‘Sorry,’ she said in a flustered manner, evidently self-conscious.

‘What’s the problem?’ He tried to read her unnerved facial expression.

‘It’s, um.’ She looked once more out of the window as the car approached woodland. Drawing towards them was a left-hand turning towards a dusty driveway. The sight sent a shiver down her spine. Suddenly, she expelled: ‘Stop!’

‘Wait! What?’ Jasper replied.

‘Jasper, please,’ she pleaded. Lana leaned forward, distressed to hear her mother’s tone of voice.

‘Okay,’ he replied, confused. Jasper then indicated and drew the car to a halt. He turned off the engine and looked at her, as she looked down the driveway. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Mummy?’ Lana asked.

Soleil then turned to face them both, looking ghostly pale. ‘I, I just need to get out for five minutes.’ Abruptly, she undid her seat belt, opened the door, then stepped out and closed the door behind.

All the while, Jasper exchanged baffled looks with their daughter. They then looked out and saw Soleil standing facing the driveway. Jasper then pressed a button to lower the window.

‘Soleil?’ He asked, leaning across. She then turned around and leant in to look at them both.

‘I am just going for a walk.’

‘Oh, right,’ Jasper replied. ‘Where to?’

‘Down this driveway.’

‘D0 you know what is down there?’

She then swallowed hard. ‘My childhood home.’

‘This is the place you spoke about before?’

‘Yes.’ Soleil nodded.

‘Where is mummy going? Lana asked her father.

Jasper then turned around and said in a gentle tone: ‘Mummy is just going for a walk to see where she used to live with granny.’

‘Can we go?’ Lana asked excitably.

‘No, we will just wait here until she gets back.’

‘Oh!’ Lana sulked.

Jasper improvised by leaning towards a rucksack in the passenger side’s footwell and withdrew a small bag of grapes. He then handed them to Lana. ‘Here you go.’

‘Thanks, daddy!’ She accepted them jubilantly.

Jasper then looked back towards the window but could see that Soleil had already started walking down the driveway.

There was a chill in the breeze. Soleil wrapped the thin cardigan around her abdomen and folded her arms over her chest, as she made her way down the dusty driveway.

She passed a letterbox that was stood at a crooked angle; the broken flap was hanging precariously from the hinge. It reminded her of when her parents used to ask her to collect the mail on Saturday mornings before she went to piano lessons.

Walking further down, to either side were evergreen trees leading up to a large, discoloured and rusting gate that was held shut by a thick chain and padlock. Soleil inspected this and knew she could not negotiate through, so instead walked to the side and painstakingly climbed up the wall that was covered in weeds and shrubbery.

When she landed on the opposite side, there was stood her childhood home.

The immediate sight made her feel disorientated.

It was a two-storey white, wooden structure with a terrace at the front. It had once been a picturesque building, admired by all who set their eyes upon it. But it no longer retained its former glory, for it was now a ghastly, hollow shell.

Since it had been abandoned, the house was now rotten and overgrown with vegetation. The wooden panels were greying and chipped, windows were cracked, and greenery engulfed it like the innumerable tentacles of a sea creature suffocating its prey.

Without human intervention to maintain the building, it had been claimed by nature, immersing it in the wilderness. With the passing of time and clutches of entropy, neglect had led from order into unrelenting chaos. There was a twisted beauty about it.

The only thing that was permanent was change.

Soleil walked up the creaking steps onto the terrace and could see that several wooden planks had been nailed to the front door to stop an intrusion. She walked along to a side window that was at waist height. It was boarded up by a few planks that were spaced out. For a moment she considered turning back to leave but felt compelled to go inside. Looking back to make sure she wasn’t being watched, she then pulled at the central and lower planks and was pleased that they both proved easy to remove. Beyond was partially cracked glass. She pulled the sleeve over her hand to protect it, before punching at the glass, smashing it, until the majority of it had fallen away. Inside, she could hear the clattering of the shards; the sound echoing throughout the house.

Soleil then painstakingly thrust her leg through the window, leant down to avoid being impaled, before climbing through into the house. When she stood to full height, it took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the dark gloominess.

She was stood in the dining room. All of the furniture was exactly how he had left it. A moment held in time, covered by a thick layer of dust.

Walking through into the main corridor, there was that distinct smell in the air, and she was flooded with both nostalgia and crippling sadness.

Looking towards the stairs, she suddenly saw a young girl running down. It was her, but only a figment of the imagination. She could hear a familiar voice calling her down for a meal. Soleil followed her younger self into the dining room, but this time she visualised her parents sitting there.

The memory made her eyes well with tears.

Before she was sat her father, a towering figure with an unmistakable presence. His hair was short, his clothing smart, and his mannerisms oozed self-assured confidence.

To his side was Soleil’s mother. She had timeless elegance and tenderness that matched her tenacity and grace. Her body language conveyed an ever-present unease that lingered persistently in the household.

Once they saw young Soleil enter the room, both looked up at her with contrasting expressions: he looked displeased, whilst she smiled warmly.

‘How many times do I need to call you?’ he questioned, as young Soleil took her seat opposite him.

‘Sorry, father, I was just working on the science project,’ young Soleil said feebly.

‘Well, we don’t want this food going cold, do we? Your mother has put a lot of effort into this,’ he continued.

‘It is all right.’ Her mother placed a hand on his forearm, but this did not quell his temper.

‘Sometimes you treat this place like it is a hotel.’ He then started spooning vegetables onto his plate.

‘I don’t!’ Soleil objected.

‘Don’t answer back to me in that tone!’ he erupted.

‘Please,’ her mother pleaded.

‘I am the man. I am incredibly proud that despite the odds I built this home and provide for this family.’ He looked at his daughter sternly.

‘Wait a minute,’ the mother interjected. ‘I am the one who mainly provides for this home.’

‘Whatever,’ he snapped back. ’She needs to learn some respect.’

‘Why are you being like this?’ her mother questioned.

‘What do you mean?’ he replied.

She frowned. ‘Why are you constantly harassing our child? She hasn’t done anything wrong to deserve this treatment.’

‘This is my house and my rules.’ He munched on a mouthful of food. ‘She needs to learn more discipline.’

‘I said that I am sorry.’ Young Soleil looked down in shame and fondled her food with the fork.

‘Well, just know for next time. Now eat your food instead of playing with it,’ he barked.

‘Yes, father.’

The mother looked at him with contempt and whiffed a nauseous smell. She then said: ‘have you been drinking again?’

Abruptly, he replied: ‘What?’

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence. The mother could not comprehend his overbearing and contradictory behaviour. Young Soleil looked back and forth between her parents.

‘I can smell it on you.’

He then slammed a hand down on the table. ‘Enough!’

This caused young Soleil and her mother to jolt with fright. Meanwhile, her father looked at them both with a venomous glare.

Soleil turned away from the memory. For a moment, she closed her eyes and drew in a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. Once ready, she then started making her way up the stairs, and once on the landing looked back down towards the front door.

Another memory resurfaced. She saw her father drunkenly stumble into the house and slam the door shut. She could hear his indecipherable slurs. He was calling out to them in one of his vile, drunken moods.

Soleil turned and saw her mother hugging her younger self tightly. There was a look of despair upon their faces. She then followed them as they entered her bedroom and closed the door, as her father came thundering up the stairs towards them.

She then stood back and watched her mother trying to barricade the door to stop him from entering. There were deafening screams and pounding, as he tried to force his way in.

‘Stop!’ her mother pleaded. But then he pushed the door open and swung for her with his backhand. She collapsed to the floor. The younger Soleil screamed in dismay. Her father stood over her mother defiantly, breathing heavily with rage. ‘You can’t keep on doing this,’ her mother cried. ‘I gave you so much. I have supported you through everything. You may think you can just abuse me, but I am not something that can be tamed! We all have our limits. You keep on taking without thinking there will be consequences for your reckless actions.’

‘Silence!’ he expelled. ‘I am the one who is in control. Nothing can stop me from attaining what I desire.’

‘You are delusional and need me. We are connected. Can’t you see? What you are doing is leading to self-destruction! It is tearing this family apart and decimating this home.’

He was about to react, but refrained, turned to walk away, and then slammed the door shut. Young Soleil then ran over to console her mother.

Soleil could not stand it any longer — she ran out of the room, down the stairs, back into the dining room, before climbing out of the window and running down onto the driveway. Once there, she crumbled onto her knees and started to cry.

After she had let out her anguish, she stood up, brushed away the tears and once more saw a memory: this time it was of her mother storming out of the house holding the hand of her young self and also a suitcase. From the doorway appeared her father, who was distraught; his face yellow from deteriorating liver disease. Soleil watched as her younger self left the family home for the final time.

Her mother had been pushed to the very limit. It was within her nature to punish him for putting things out of balance. She had existed before him and would continue to do so afterwards.

The father was stood at the top of the steps looking mortified. His lack of respect and gratitude had been his undoing. He knew this time he’d gone too far.

‘Why didn’t you listen?’ Soleil uttered, looking up in disgust at the memory of her father. ‘Why?’

She closed her eyes and then let out a sorrowful sigh, before opening them and looking up at the house. Her father had disappeared. There was a swirling sound of the wind. This place had once been a pinnacle of craftsmanship but was now just an overgrown ruin.

Soleil then turned and started making her way back towards the wall. After climbing over, she made her way back down the driveway, refraining from looking back.

She longed to see her mother once again.

When she got to the car, Jasper was sat contently waiting for her, whilst Lana was sleeping in the back. The view filled her with immense joy. She opened the car door, and slowly climbed in.

‘Hey!’ Jasper said.

Lana woke up and exclaimed: ‘Mummy!’

‘Sorry to keep you both waiting,’ she said gently.

‘What was the place like?’ he asked.

‘The inside was preserved just how my father had left it before he died. Mother had the place boarded up and allowed the natural processes to unfold, so the outside is now consumed by the wilderness. Even though he built it to his liking, it has always she who owned it. All of these years later, it is such a strange thing to see.’

He saw the conflicted look upon her face, so reached over to rub her shoulder. ’Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I am fine.’ She nodded reassuringly.

Jasper looked back to smile at Lana, before restarting the engine. All the while, Soleil was staring back towards the driveway.

‘Are you ready to go?’ he asked.

She then looked back at him and smiled. ‘Yes, and I think I now have an introduction for the environmental report.’