Which Incarceration is Better?

As I ponder a book that was titled "We're All Doing Time" I am reminded of another writer (Dante) and also the word "incarceration". I've often listened to the lyrics of Pink Floyd's song "Wish You Were Here" and wondered where he wrote those words and who was he trying to reach with that song? Life is very mysterious and deep. Writers and artists are always expressing that.

Some people have never been incarcerated. They may be terrified of the idea and do their best to avoid it. One can read about it, or watch shows about it, or even listen to a loved one's story about it, but unless you've been incarcerated yourself, you'll never really know what it's like. No matter how many times you watch "The Shawshank Redemption" or "Orange is the New Black" or "Girl Interrupted" or "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" --- unless you've actually been there, you don't know.

Sometimes as a writer, I'm inspired to try (like the writers before me) to express with my meager words an experience that might answer a question of curiousity. Perhaps I can find the words to show a reader the way to experience something that they really don't need to experience. I do think that is why writers do what they do. Vicarious living (through literature, or film, or artworks) is a way to avoid some tragedies or unnecessary pains, but it's no gaurantee, that's gauranteed.

I've known others like me who have seen both types of incarcerations that occur to people who have pushed the envelope too far. If society deems you a threat to yourself or others, you will be "Baker-Acted" and incarcerated at the hospital mental ward until they feel you are safe enough to rejoin society. Most of the time it occurs when someone says something about wanting to kill themselves or somebody else. While it may be a harmless threat spoken during an overwhelming emotional time, authorities have the "Baker Act" to incarcerate someone for speaking that way. Freedom of Speech does not apply when the safety of others is a risk.

The other way one gets incarcerated is when a police officer arrests you for either breaking the law or being accused of breaking the law. Although the phrase in the courtoom is "Innocent until proven guilty" that is not the phrase that the police officers use when they make arrests. "You have the right to remain silent" is often recited as they put handcuffs on someone. So for any of us who felt innocent or were innocent during an arrest, we know that "Guilty until proven innocent" happens and there's nothing anyone can do about it. A good movie that explains that phrase was "The Fugitive" starring Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. Arrests and incarceration can occur regardless if you're guilty or innocent. Sometimes the guilty get away with it. Sometimes innocent folks pay for crimes they didn't do. Everyone knows that the justice system has flaws. But we accept it anyway because we haven't figured out any better way.

Having been both to jail and to the insane asylum, I have compared my incarcerations to each other. I really don't know which one is worse. Some people who have been to both have a very firm opinion about it and can tell you without a doubt that one is better or worse than the other. But I can not. They were both equally horrible to me. I was not safe at either place. I can understand that they really don't care about my safety when they consider me a horrible criminal. But it doesn't make sense at all that they make a person unsafe in the mental ward, in the name of safety.

Yes, I was definitely unsafe. There were people at both places who enjoy getting into fights. There were people at both places who were ready to snap at any minute. There were authorities at both places who were not honest and trustworthy or compassionate. There were all kinds of ways to be hurt emotionally and physically at both places by the others that were incarcerated and by the authorities. That's what they have in common and based on my experiences at both, that's why I say they are equally horrible.

Now some people will argue that the mental ward is better and I will tell you why they say that. Mostly it's because the food and the bed and the showers are usually better at the mental ward. The people who say the mental ward is better are usually the criminals who have done hard time and they are not "crazy". They don't act out like an overwhelmed schizo or a bipolar going over the manic deep end. Therefore they don't know what it feels like to be strapped down to a cot with their arms and legs unmovable for over 24 hours. No way to go to the bathroom. It's torture. They don't find it abusive or offensive being forced to take drugs by pills or injections. I do. I find it very offensive. The nicer bed or the better food comes at a very steep price.

But jail is no picnic, that's for sure. The food that everyone complains about is a nightmare to vegetarians. Mushy potatoes with some cheap beef inside. Bologna sandwiches with one packet of mustard and a few noodles dipped in oil and vinegar. And occasionally some hot dogs or spicy sausages and some green beans. That's about it. If you're pregnant they'll give you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to help.

The bunk beds are hard and if you get stuck on the top bunk you start hating urination. It's not that easy to get up and down during the night especially when you're trying not to annoy your bunkie below you. There's a long line and waiting to get a shower. Sometimes time runs out and you don't get one. Hopefully nobody stole your soap so you can try to wash yourself in your cell at the sink. The good news is they do wash your orange outfit. Every few days they wash the old stinky ones and give you fresh. At the mental ward, they don't care how long you've been wearing stinky clothes. They don't do laundry like that and if they do, it's very unlikely you'll get your clothes back.

As for reading glasses or bras they are either confiscated as part of your torture or stolen as a high commodity by the others in there. That's about the same at both places.

Sometimes a mental ward will have crayons and let you color, but the book library is better at jail. Still if you need reading glasses and don't have any, it doesn't matter about either.

I imagine it is scarier for straight men going to jail than it is for straight women. Being a lesbian is much easier than being an unwilling gay man. Women raping other women could be brutal and painful I suppose, but I still think a man raping another man is worse. It happens.

So if you've made a mistake, according to some people you deserve to be raped. Or if you're crazy enough to say something stupid, you deserve to be drugged, tortured, and maybe raped. In jail, they do all that while they hand you a Bible and ask if you want to go to church. At the mental ward, they just figure that you'll forget all the horrors because of the drugs.

If you've never been to either incarceration, and you are afraid of them, I consider your fear very rational. You are not insane. You are right to be afraid.

Stay free. Stay out. We may all be doing the time of life and we may all have to deal with difficult situations... but doing the time of life outside under the sunshine is still a safer and better way. There is no nice "incarceration" - not in jail or the mental ward.