The Emancipation of Collette Martin - Part 2

“Direct from our newsroom in New York City, this is D.E.F News with Richard Cronenberg.”

Collette Martin sits upright on her cherry-red loveseat devouring a mixing bowl full of vanilla ice cream. Her nightgown is heavily stained from not being washed in weeks. She brings the heaping spoon towards her mouth and the melting contents plop down on her chest. “Dang it!” She scoops the mess up with her fingers and into her mouth.

“It’s been several weeks since the fire at Oakwood National Bank in downtown Cincinnati. The body of Senior Loan Manager and Teller Teddy Montgomery was found amongst the burnt-out remains of the bank. The state of his body was found in a suspicious manner. A severed head of an unidentified person was also found at the scene. No suspects have been named at this time.”

Collette lets out a long sigh and places the bowl on the small coffee table. She leans back against the loveseat and begins to pop her tongue playfully. She looks around her small living room. Shopping bags litter the entire floor and all over the furniture. New clothes with tags lay in an enormous pile in the corner of the room next to the couch with the matching cherry red color as the loveseat. On the couch sits the headless body of her late husband Carl. The rope that binds his hands and legs is starting to sag from the advanced stage of decay. She looks at the greenish and black pile that was her husband and rolls her eyes.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Collette jumps to feet, startled by the noise at the front door. She dashes over to the mirror in the hallway and runs her fingers through her greasy matted up hair.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

“Just a minute!” She runs her fingers quickly over her teeth to rub away the fuzz that has been growing on them from the lack of dental hygiene these past few weeks. She straightens herself and her nightgown and elegantly walks over to the front door. She unlocks it and slowly opens it halfway. The pudgy blonde at the door is her nosey neighbor Barbara Allen. She is a few years younger than Collette, but the constant over tanning at the public pool has given her a leathery older look. “Oh Collette, you are home. I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing after Carl…” Collette snorts, “After Carl left me for his secretary?” Barbara looks down and sighs loudly. “I am so sorry that happened to you dear. I feel for you, all of us neighbors do. It’s just…” Collette stares directly into Barbara’s eyes and grits her teeth. “There is a strange foul smell coming from your place and it’s getting to be a problem.” Collette smacks her lips and smiles menacingly. “Don’t worry about it Babs, I will have fixed by the end of the night. Carl left his mutt here and it just up and died a couple of weeks ago. Still having issues getting that troublesome stench out of the carpet.” Barbara clutches at her pearls and softly gasps. “I am going to the store and getting a stronger cleaning solution. The problem will be fixed in a jiffy.” Barbara straightens her blouse and clears her throat, “Well if you need any help-“ Collette slams the door in Barbara’s face.

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Collette walks out of Murphy’s Grocery, struggling with the overloaded brown paper bags filled with cleaner. She fights to get her car keys from her jeans pocket when one of the bags rips and a cascade of bottles hits the pavement. She lets out a frustrated growl and squats to recover her items. A rough and meaty hand lands gently on top of hers. Her head snaps up and she finds herself staring at Bobby Allen, Barbara’s husband. “Hey, looks like you need some help there doll face.” Collette reluctantly lets Bobby help her. They both stand in unison and she shoves the other bags in his arms. “I’m just parked over there.” Bobby chuckles, “I know where ya parked, I have been waitin’ out here for ya to come out.” Collette grimaces at his response as she starts walking to her sports car. She pops the trunk for Bobby then walks over to the driver’s side and leans against it lighting a cigarette. Bobby throws the bags into the trunk and slams the lid. He slithers over to Collette and starts nervously rubbing his hands, “Hey, can I bum one from ya?” Collette rolls her eyes and hands him her lit one. He giggles nervously as he quickly presses the filter stained with red lipstick to his mouth. “Barb said you might need help tonight cleaning up the mess on your carpet.” Collette finishes lighting her new cigarette then crosses her arms and lets out a huge stream of gray smoke.

HONK, HONK.

An impatient driver motions for them to move so that he can claim Collette’s parking spot. “Screw you, pal! Can’t you see we’re talkin’ here?” Collette smiles and waves at the driver, “Come by at 6. I can cook you dinner for helping me. That is, if Barbara doesn’t mind.” Bobby sheepishly smiles, “Oh she won’t mind a bit. She will be at her sister's until 10. They like to play cards and get blitzed.” Collette chuckles and winks at Bobby. “Well ok then. See you at 6.” Bobby runs his fingers through his hair like a nervous teen moments before he bags the homecoming queen.

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Collette runs her fingers across the buttons of her new Acemore blender. “Advertised to blend anything. Well, we’ll see about that.” She taps the blender lightly and smiles.

“…now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Petticoat Junction!”

Collette squeals with delight and runs to the living room. She shuffles over to the television and turns up the volume and starts dancing to the tune. She looks over at Carl’s remains and laughs maniacally. “You always hated this show because I said you looked like Uncle Joe!” She grabs a throw from the loveseat and wraps it around her body. She spins around and flicks the blanket around like a Spanish Flamenco dress. “Hey Collette, you in here?” Collette stops dead and quickly tosses the throw over the melting mound that is Carl and rushes to the hallway. She stops and wipes at the stray hairs at her face, “Hey Bobby.” He scrunches up his nose, “Dear Lord Collette, it’s even worse in here than outside. You sure it was just a dog that died?” Collette nervously laughs and motions for Bobby into the kitchen.

Bobby enters the kitchen first and goes straight towards the fridge. “Hey, you got any beer?” He opens the door slightly. Collette gasps and slams the door shut, concealing the jars of pickled Carl parts in mason jars. “No sorry. Not much of a drinker.” Bobby snorts and leans against the counter. “So, uh…Carl just up and left with his secretary, huh?” Collette crosses her arms and nods her head. Bobby taps his hands nervously on the counter, “I hate to say this, but I am glad he left.” Collette tilts her head in confusion. Bobby nervously smiles, “I don’t know if you knew or not, but Carl and Barb were uh…” He motions a juvenile sexual gesture. “Yeah, I knew Bobby. I knew for a long while. Carl couldn’t keep his key from out of the ignition. He preferred blondes.” Bobby snorts with laughter. “You are something else doll face.” Bobby places a hand on Collette’s shoulder. Collette grabs Bobby’s hand and holds it gently in hers, “I have something to confess Bobby…”

Bobby starts to tremble with excitement. Collette rubs her fingers across Bobby’s palm, “Bobby I know you like me. The way you follow me to the store and wait for me to come out.” She lifts his hand to her mouth and kisses his fingertips, “The way you watch me through my bedroom window at night…” Bobby looks away with shame. “It’s ok, don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s kind of sweet.” Collette slowly backs Bobby up to the corner of the counter, still holding his hand. “It’s just…it’s complicated Bobby.” Collette slowly reaches for the unplugged toaster, “It hasn’t been long since I killed Carl and cut off some of his pieces. What a pain that was…” Bobby rips his hand away, “What did you just say?” Collette tilts her head and smiles. She quickly grabs the toaster and bashes Bobby in the head with it.

He falls to the linoleum floor with a loud THUD. He slowly starts to stand, covering the large gash that is across the side of his head with a trembling hand. Blood pours through his fingers and down his white shirt. He turns and faces Collette. She jumps at him with a large steak knife, driving it into his shoulder. His screams of pain are drowned out by the laugh track that plays loudly after one of Uncle Joe’s funny moments on the television set. Collette switches the new blender on and throws the lid off. She snatches Bobby’s hand and shoves it into the glass jar. The whirling blades struggle to cut through Bobby’s meaty hand, eventually breaking. Bobby falls to the floor and starts to slowly crawl towards the hallway. “So much for blending anything.” Collette pours the mushed up bits of Bobby’s hand across his back. She sighs and walks over to the kitchen table pulling bottles of cleaner from the bags. She twists off the caps and starts to walk around the house dousing everything in the fluid. She makes her way back to the kitchen and watches as Bobby struggles to stay conscious. He lays in the doorway on his back and struggles to breathe. Collette grabs another bottle of cleaner and pours the whole bottle all over Bobby. She walks over to the cabinet and pulls out a box of matches. She lights one and throws the match on Bobby. She sighs and grabs her purse. She walks over to the kitchen table, grabs her keys, and stops. She slowly turns and looks at the fridge. A large smile spreads across her face.

CHOO CHOO!

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Barbara Allen leans her head out of her sister’s old beater, letting the cool breeze caress her flushed face. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. A strong smoky odor fills her nostrils. She jerks back in the car coughing uncontrollably. Her sister points forward, “Oh my God.” Barbara looks in the direction her sister is pointing and notices that her neighbor’s house is on fire. Barbara’s sister slows to a crawl, “Isn’t that Collette Martin’s house?” Barbara flings the door open and runs down the sidewalk. She gets to her yard and is instantly pushed back by the intense wave of heat. A firefighter runs up to her, “Ma’am you can’t be here.” Barbara points to her house, “I live right here. Is Collette ok? Is my husband Bobby ok? He was over there helping Collette clean up her carpet.” The firefighter shrugs, “I don’t know if anyone got out. I need you to go over to the street and wait there.” He pushes Barbara over towards the street. Barbara waves him away and walks over and stands near her mailbox. She notices that the lid is slightly ajar. She opens the lid and sees and dark object inside. She reaches inside and pulls out a mason jar. It is slightly cool to the touch. Her sister runs up and startles her from behind. “Oh my God Barb, this is bad. Hey, is that a pickle?” Barbara holds the mason jar up towards the flames for some light. Her eyes widen as she realizes that it is not a pickle.