Rose

“Dead people receive more flowers than living ones, because regret is stronger than regret.”-Anne Frank.

I often associated this quote with my best friend. Rose. A beautiful girl, in my opinion. Smart, funny, loud, extra. She was there for me when no one else was. Too bad I wasn’t there for her. We were the complete opposite.

She was bold and out there. I was quiet and reserved.

She was the sun, I was the rain. We complemented each other well.

No one else liked her though. They didn’t see her the way I did. Our loneliness was probably the only thing we had in common. And it’s probably what drew us together.

She often spoke to me about her insecurities. About how people looked at her, how it made her uncomfortable. How people spoke to her, made her feel inferior. How they treated her, made her feel pathetic. It shocked me how people thought they could treat someone like that, so cruelly, and so hurtfully.

That was all until she died.

Everyone acted as if they knew her. As if they cared. As if her passing meant something to them. It disgusted.

A lot of people said it was suicide. Even more people said it was me. They thought I took advantage of her vulnerability. My family wasn’t doing the best financially at the time. Everyone at school knew that. And coincidentally, as well as taking their daughter's life, the culprit also took $20,000, was stolen from her father's bank account.

“It all adds up,” they all said, “must’ve been her.”

I guess they didn’t know me that well either.

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I wandered down the street aimlessly. Hands stuffed in the pockets of my school bomber jacket, the wind blowing aggressively through my hair. I contemplated actually going to school. I didn’t have anyone to hang out with, and no one really liked me anyway.

The rumour got around and then even some of my teachers started believing it was me.

Funny how gullible some people could be.

I even got tormented for it. And by the same people who acted as if they cared. Some people never change.

Deciding my education was more important than some bullies, I made my way to school.

Walking through the school gates was my least favourite to do. Especially when I was early. I got a lot of awkward stares, some kids threw stuff at me and some even spat at me.

Maybe the reason I had no friends wasn’t because people hated me, but because I hated them.

“Irene!” a voice called. Perfect. My favourite person.

“Yes?” I breathed out, glaring at the dark-skinned girl.

“Someone’s tired today, give me a smile would ya?”

“I’m always tired, I just can’t be bothered hiding it.” She frowned.

“Don’t talk back to me.”

“Look, I’m not in the mood today,” I said honestly, knowing deep down that feelings weren’t going to stop her from harassing me.

“Do I look like I give a shit?” I mean you brought this on yourself, I know your angsty and all but you didn’t need to kill that poor girl.” She folded her arms in front of her chest, elevating her breasts as she glances around to make sure all eyes were on her. “Didn’t think you were that sick.”

“Drop it Mariana.” I said sternly, glaring at her.

“Or what? Am I next? You gonna victimise me?” She questioned leaning down to meet my height. I kept quiet. “That’s what I thought.” She stepped back. “You’re such a heartless bitch you know that? You never smile, your reactions are delayed and lame, like come one. If I’m gonna bully you at least make it interesting. You act like your dead. Maybe you’d be better off with your bestie up in-“ She was soon cut off by a tall, brown-haired boy stepping between us.

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” He said, his deep voice rather unsettling. Mariana eyed him up and down.

“And who do you think you are?” She questioned, pushing her weight to one side.

“I’m new here. I didn’t want to be rude, but I happened to overhear your conversation with your friend here,” he glanced back at me. I will admit, I may have only seen a fraction of his face, but I could already tell that he was extremely attractive.

“Look you’re hot, but I don’t really know you, so get lost. “ She rolled her eyes, shooing him off.

“ I never said I was into you, I just thought you were overstepping boundaries and decided to intervene.”

“Ugh, I’m not wasting my time with you, bye losers.” She walked away, her hips swaying flirtatiously as she did so.

“You okay?” The boy turned around to meet my gaze. I wasn’t wrong. He was pretty damn gorgeous.

“Yeah I’m fine, but you may be a victim now, sorry dude.”

“That girl didn’t seem too nice.”

“Not many people here are.”

“Thanks for the heads up.” He chuckled. “I’m Jayden.” He held his hand out, I was skeptical at first but shook it politely.

“Irene.”

There was a moment of silence before he spoke up. “Since I’m new do you think you could show me around?” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uhm..” I stood awkwardly.

“You don’t have to, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No it’s okay, I can show you around first break?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” He smiled. “For now could you show me where A13 is?”

“Oh yeah, it’s upstairs, English block, come with me.”

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I ended up showing Jayden around first break, and hanging out with him second break.

He was actually seemed like a pretty chill guy. He told me he played guitar and wrote songs as a hobby.

At first, I was a little weirded out seeing as no one bothered talking to me, but I found it comforting knowing someone found me interesting.

I told him I played piano and read in my free time. Kind of boring, but he found it intriguing knowing someone in this day and age liked reading.

We ended up hanging out a lot more after that too. The murder still left this stigma around me, but he didn’t seem to mind which I appreciated.

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As soon as I woke up I was not in a good mood. And the sun that buttered through the curtains and onto my face didn’t help.

I hate summer.

Especially during school time. Nothing got on my nerves more than being stuck in a room with sweaty premature kids who think jokes about sex are funny.

Unwillingly I forced myself out of bed and trudged to the bathroom to the bathroom to freshen up.

“Woah, did you just crawl out of a grave?” Jayden joked as I entered the school gates. I groaned and purposely banged my head roughly on his bicep.

“I. Hate. Summer.” I said between hits.

“What, didn’t get to sleep cause it was too hot?”

“That’s exactly what happened.” I brought my arm up to my face, blocking the sun.

“You didn’t seem to hate summer that much last year.”

“That’s cause we met near the end of summer.”

“Right.”

“I don’t even have an air conditioner in my room, it’s bullshit.”

“Wanna come over this afternoon to chill? If you’re free…”

“Yeah, that’d be nice, maybe then I could finally get you to sing for me.” I nudged him playfully.

“Have fun with that.” He rolled his eyes and began walking to class.

I’m not gonna lie, being around him really brightened my life. Ever since Rose’s passing, I felt isolated. Losing her hurt me a lot more than I liked to admit. And I felt depressed for a very long time. But Jayden made that pain just a bit more bearable, and for once, in a very long time, I felt happy.

School went by much slower than I’d hoped for, and my exaggerating headache didn’t help much. I took my sweet time when leaving last period, knowing full well Jayden would wait for me.

Resting my head on my desk I stretched out my arms allowing my limbs to relax.

“I should probably get up.” I whispered to myself. Collecting my things, I tossed my bag over my shoulder and made my way out of class.

“What took you so long? Got told to stay back?” The tall brunet threw his arm around my shoulders as I walked out.

“Nah, I’m just tired.”

“Well prepare your walking shoes cause we’re walking.” I halted giving my brain time to process what he had just told me.

“Ugh, seriously!”

“Come on, it’s not that far.”

“Aight, but let me text my mum real quick.”

“You didn’t ask her earlier?”

“Nah, too lazy.” I pulled my phone out.

“What if she says no?”

“She won’t, she’s chill. She’ll just give me a curfew and ask my brother to track my location.” I said calmly.

“That seems intense.”

“It’s always been like this, even with my old best friend.”

“Old best friend?”

“No one, she said yes, let’s go.”

We entered his house and I immediately collapsed on the floor.

“It’s so cool in her!!” I heard a husky laugh behind me.

“I’m giving you and the sun aren’t exactly friends, you kept glaring at it on our way here.” He took his shoes off at the door.

“Hate’s a strong word, it’s perfect.”

“Come up to my room, I left the air conditioner on.”

“Yes, please.” I stood up.

He wasn’t kidding. His room was so cool. Both temperature-wise and style-wise.

“Toss your bag wherever I’ll get some drinks.” I sat on the bed as he left the room. I closed my eyes, letting my body adjust to the cold.

After a while, I decided to look around. Standing up I wandered to his desk, my eyes drifting to a small, black, moleskin notebook.

Maybe some of the songs he wrote are in here, I thought to myself. I picked up the book, pulling off the elastic and peaking inside.

I wish I hadn’t.

In fact, all of the events throughout the past year have been some of my biggest regrets.

My eyes widened as I stared at the polaroids displayed neatly on the pages.

There she was.

Her short caramel hair, burning green eyes and tan freckled face could never go unnoticed.

There she was.

Rose.

Except she didn’t look so beautiful. Her arms were tied tightly around her back, secured by rope. Blood dripped how her wrists and puddled below her. Bruises and scratches covered her bare legs. A look of horror painted her face as she stared into the camera.

Next to the picture was a detailed description of what was done to her, pictured supporting evidence.

I felt sick. I wanted to vomit. Was this Jayden’s doing? Did he kill her? Was she even dead? Of course she was, her body was found. Was she the first?

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. And then I made the worst decision I had ever made.

I let him get away with it.

I put the elastic back over the cover, put the book back in its place and layed down on the bed as if nothing ever happened.

I should have run. I should have taken it to the police, for Rose, for who knows how many other victims, and their families.

But I didn’t.

Jayden later walking in with two cups of iced water and a bowl of chips. And I acted as if I hadn’t just seen what I had.

The guilt has been eating me alive. I can still see her face. Pained. Desperate. Yet still hopeful. Hopeful that someone would come save her.

And now I waited. Waited to be the next, displayed shamelessly in that notebook.