Love Partners In Crime

Hayley Quilt & Joe Carr were like a modern day reincarnation of Bonnie & Clyde. They both met one night in Camdem, attending a showing of their favourite punk band, inside one of the best nightclubs in all of London. It was a crazy night when they first met, the moshers were absolutely head banging like crazy, soon there was a fight, as several rockers began throwing fists within the mosh pit that played out before the band on stage. The rockstars jamming their guitars, drums and bass noticed the epic battle and didn't stop to prevent this madness. In fact, they actively encouraged this hell, screaming; "get smashed, you fucking cunts!" The singer screamed, then the guitarist played the most epic solo anyone had ever heard. It even made a few fighters stop, just admire the sheer awesomeness of the guitar player's talent. More than anything, this so-called "song" was more of a fighting track you'd hear in a video game. It consisted of a lot of nonsense screaming, banging on the drums and maddening guitar chords, as the band just played away like monkeys starved for bananas! It was an absolute riot and Joe Carr was absolutely loving it. He was punching harder than anyone else, kicking faster than even the most seasoned smack heads. In the middle of this indoor riot, Hayley was struggling to defend herself against a huge bitch with a pierced nose and short blue hair. Joe Carr saw the younger woman named Hayley and jumped in to save her, like some kind of comic book super hero! He pulled the mad woman away from cute little Hayley, whose blonde ponytail had been pulled by the blue haired bitch.
"You ok, darlin?!" Joe Carr said to her.
"Nah, that bitch pulled my hair out, what a cunt!"
"Yeah, I know!" Joe spat at the blue haired fleeing woman, who was now exiting the nightclub.
"Glad she's gone!" Hayley laughed cutely, "I've never seen you around London before."
"Name's Joe." He grinned, "how about you?"
"Hayley Quilt!" She yelled over the loud as fuck music, "this band's the shit!"
"Eh, they're not that bad!" Joe laughed.
"No!" She chuckled, weakly punching his shoulder, "I said, they are THE shit!"
"Ah..." Joe grinned, "I couldn't hear you proper!"
"I gathered that, lad!" She kissed him! Just like that. He embraced her right there and then, squeezing her peachy ass and tits, pulling her in closer. She pulled away.
"Let's get out of here!" She whispered seductively into his ear. He held her hand and together; they exited the insane mosh pit, walking outside into the chilly night. They cuddled each other as they walked back to his place, which to her relief wasn't too far from the nightclub they just left. Coincidentally they lived in the same council estate, only his apartment was much bigger and closer to town than hers, in other words; he had a nicer home. This only excited her more, as she began to slowly undress the moment they got into the living room.
"Hold on girl, we ain't even got to the bedroom yet." Joe smirked.
"Fuck me now!" She winked seductively and threw herself on top of him, they both fell back onto his living room sofa and began to kiss, lick and touch each other all over. She watched in pure ecstasy as he unzipped his black jeans, yanked off her pretty pink knickers and fucked her little cunt without protection, but she didn't mind. Oh no, she didn't mind at all, as he thrusted deeper and deeper, she screamed and moaned.
"Oh god, f- fuck me harder, Joe!" She stuttered cutely, then Joe grinned and went all in.
"FUCKING HELL!" She orgasmed, "don't stop, you fucking fuck boy!" She demanded upon feeling him pull away. He didn't say a word, instead he sucked her lips and licked his tongue against hers, the erotic thrill of having her breathing blocked while simultaneously being fucked up the pussy was beyond heavenly, it was heroin. Eventually he exploded inside her as she crawled into his back so hard it actually bled, it was the best sex any of them ever had.

The next day, they both awoke in his bed, she kissed and cuddled him, but they didn't fuck again, not this time. No, this was just nice. To feel loved in such a dark, gritty world of poverty and roughness.
"Can I..." She rolled away from him, shyly.
"What is it?" Joe asked, reaching over to hold her, face to face.
"Ah..." She sighed, "I still live my mam."
"Fuck!" Joe gasped, "how old are you?!"
"I'm twenty four, you twat!" She laughed in his face, "no, it's not like that... I meant, I can't afford my own place yet."
"Oh..." Joe breathed a sigh of relief, "so, you want to stay here, is that it?"
"Ye- yeah..." She stuttered a little.
"Sure!" He chuckled, holding her lovingly.
"Really?!" She almost screamed with excitement.
"Why not?" He shrugged, "gets pretty lonely on my own like this... Besides you could help pay the rent!"
"You cheeky sod!" She hit him with the pillow, "yeah all right, got to grow up some time, an I?"
Just like that, she moved in with him, her mother didn't like the idea as she hadn't even met Joe yet. However, Hayley was her own woman and she could make her own damn decisions, so she stayed with him.

They lived together in that little apartment for a year or two, but dreams of fame and fortune got into Hayley's mind. You see, there were two very popular reality shows set in London, both were about a bunch of posh twats from Essex and Chelsea. Joe always hated this trash, it was the rich showing off their fabulous life of unfathomable riches. It made him sick, when the rest of London was a dire shit hole, these elite assholes had two TV shows all about living the dream life nobody else could achieve. Hayley However was obsessed with the show, perhaps it wasn't the detestable wankers who starred in it that she liked, but the idea of unlimited wealth and living in mansions, going on holiday to places like Miami or Los Angeles for the weekend. She wanted that rich life, so did Joe, so did every working class wage slave, who had to get up six in the morning everyday to lose their soul in a warehouse or office somewhere. In the early days of Hayley & Joe's relationship, he could afford to wine and dine her every weekend. That was before 2020 though, because during and after COVID-19, the British economy went down the shitter! So in 2022 they both had enough of living paycheck to paycheck, watching videos online of millionaires dancing like peacocks, while they drowned in their own debt. They had both lost their old jobs during the pandemic and gotten new ones that sucked donkey dick! Life was raining down upon and they remembered how rebellious they used to be when they first met. Two punks who loved chaos. It was time to return to that. Because life had fucked them over, they decided to fuck shit up!

Their first robbery was a gas station on Halloween night of 2022, they planned on walking into the place dressed up for the holiday, only to hold up the cashier with two bb-guns that had been painted a metallic black so they both looked real. Joe Carr was dressed in a purple smart suit, with green hair and white clown make up. Hayley Quilt dressed like a Harlequin with a red and blue dress, her hair was spilt into two pigtails where the left one was dyed red and the right one was dyed blue, to match her dress, she also wore similar face paint to Joe. They arrived in Joe's red muscle car, it was an old banger that he didn't mind wrecking if the police chased them. They arrived at the gas station exiting Camden like normal, Joe got out to refuel the vehicle, then Hayley joined him as he walked into the shop to pay for their fuel. Only, instead of paying for gas, they both pulled out their bb-guns (that were shaped like pistols) at the Indian cashier.
"Open the cash register!" Joe screamed at the poor old man behind the counter.
"Please!" The man begged, "this gas station is all I ha-"
But Joe slammed the butt of his pistol in the poor cashier's eye. The bb-gun was made of diecast metal, so it felt real and heavy enough to be real.
"Open it, old man!" Hayley roared at him, cocking her pretend gun.
"Ok!" The cashier cried, opening the till and emptying it out onto the counter. Hayley aimed her gun at the scared cashier's head, while Joe packed the money into the spare canvas bag he had brought in with him.
"Let's go!" Joe said, then he and Hayley fled the gas station, as Hayley turned to look inside the shop, she could see the cashier calling the police on his mobile phone through the building's window.
"He's calling the cops!" Hayley turned to head back in the shop, but Joe grabbed her.
"They'll be coming anyway, let's go!" He screamed, pulling her back into the red car with him. In an instant, he ignited the vehicle and off they went!
Soon a police chase ensued, but it was only one police car.
"Just like in the video games!" Joe laughed.
"What?!" Hayley gasped, turning in her seat, to watch the pursuing police vehicle behind them, sirens roaring loudly.
"They only sent one copper, I should be able to outmanoeuvre the cunt!" Joe replied.
"How is this anything like a video game?!" Hayley yelled over the sounds of getaway music blasting from Joe's car radio, she shut the tunes off with a slap upon the dial.
"Hey!" Joe frowned.
"Why are you playing that dubstep shit, when the pigs are in our backs!"
"Classic getaway music babe!" Joe Carr grinned, looking like some manic clown in his Halloween face paint.
"This isn't one of your bloody games, Joe!" Hayley cried, watching in terror as the police gained on them, "This is real, this is really happening!" She panicked.
"Shoot them!" Joe barked.
"They're bb-guns!" She whined.
"So, the police don't know that!" Joe grinned, "maybe they'll back off?" He suggested, "see what happens if you aim the gun out the car window."
"O- ok!" She stuttered, climbing half way out the window and aiming her gun at the police cruiser behind them.
"Drop the gun!" The police woman in the passenger seat screamed through the police radio's speakers.
"They're not backing off!" Hayley replied.
"Shoot their windshield!" Joe ordered.
"But it's not a real gun!"
"It has metal pellets!" He screamed, "they'll panic and crash into a ditch, just try it!"
"Ok!" She winced, firing the pistol at the police car's front window, the police man driving flinched and spun his wheel away, swerving the car into a nearby building.
"I- I- I did it!" Hayley cheered.
"See, I told you!" Joe laughed, racing the car faster the moment she climbed back inside the passenger seat. They successfully escaped the police and it was very exciting and thrilling. They loved it and fucked in the car the moment they parked. Eventually Joe dumped the car into the river Thames, it was heartbreaking, but necessary to avoid the law. They changed from their Halloween costumes and into casual clothes, hiding their stolen money in big thick coats. Altogether they stole around £200 from the cash register, it wasn't a lot, but it beat working half a week for the same amount of cash. The thrill of it was what excited them most, although ditching Joe's only car made the whole thing worse than pointless. They honestly thought they'd make a lot more from that shop robbery.
"We should've asked him to open the vault!" Hayley slapped her forehead, "that's where all the real money was."
"Yeah, we just got the chump change and now I have no car to boot!" Joe stressed, "what were we thinking?!"
"Well..." Hayley pulled that mischievous, sexy smirk he loved so much, "we'll just have to rob from more people..."
"Maybe... Hijack a nice new car while I'm at it too!" Joe added, with a grin.

So of course, the couple robbed another gas station a few weeks later, this time escaping in a stolen car that Joe had previously hotwired. They still wore the Halloween costumes from their first robbery, giving them their signature green haired clown and Harlequin look. Nobody could tell who they really were under all that face paint and fancy dress, it was the perfect disguise. They were nicknamed the clown thieves, a silly rumour that was often mocked, until you were held up at gun point by them. Eventually they robbed banks, with a whole crew of colourfully dressed thugs. They became legends, soon seasoned Detectives would begin to look into them.