Jail Journal: Page 7

I notice most of the people here avoid eye contact when talking to you. I guess that is a pretty revealing thing to do in a place like this.

I headed towards the table when a lady with blonde hair dropped some used teabag in my cup. "Here you go." In truth I was disgusted but took the gesture as maybe a kind gesture? I guess she couldn't imagine anyone wanting just plain water. She was all interested in what Trump was talking about on TV that was playing just above the 'mess hall' we were in in the center, which told me everything I needed to know about her.

I don't really view him favorably only because he is sort of on the chaotic alignment if this were DnD. But, I am hoping that he can prevent us from going to war with Russia. That and, if we didn't let him get his second go, he'd waste billions of dollars just to run again. It is better to let him use it for the country than just to further his name running campaigns.

Cedar Hills had better food, that's for sure, and they just pump you with a bunch of drugs, but it is no less chaotic than what I am dealing with in here. Though, I think people have higher boundaries here since there is a camera at every corner, and the patrollers/guards come around every 30 minutes.

Here I am though, basically writing a book about it though. As crazy as it is. I don't know how long I'll be in here for but, I know I have a hearing again on the 5th. The 5th... such an impactful day. John is going to court that day, who knows if I'll ever see him again now... Nothing I can do about it right now unless I asked for his phone number which I don't want to do.

I am still thinking about Drew telling me he kissed a black dude, but I didn't process the idea of it possibly being a role in a play or something. He is an actor after all. We're just both struggling creatives herpy derpy-ing around this stupid town.

But you still love Yuuichirou, huh?

Just then I started to hear Jahon's voice..

You don't love me or Drew, Just go find your precious stone once you leave here, малыш.

I dreamt of some college kids playing Piie Road and drawing some characters on a murial or something. It made me feel happy. I was touched at the thought of having fans like that.

I dreamt of traveling to see Gio and gave his dead mom a back massage. That creeper from 90 day fiancé Loren was int he dream saying we were "Dark Workers" and that I didn't actually need to massage her back.

I know it was wrong to hit my mom but it was wrong in my soul not to try to go to Yuuichirou's house. It's like every time I get a ping to go find him, it overwhelms me with fear and I chicken out. I mean, I know where the man lives, I am sure he is still there and I am sure he'd probabl just laugh at me, but I am even afraid of my emotions being ridiculed. I don't know if I can take another blow like that. Maybe I am just blinded by regret for leaving things like I did. We all have our own crosses to bear, and karma does its thing eventually.

Perhaps I need to keep in mind that, the potential is in the human but the desire comes from within, like the books said.