Don't Forget Your Umbrella

I asked myself, “Why today? Of all days, why did it have to be today?”

Have you ever decided to leave your umbrella at home, thinking it will be fine; you bring it every day and never need it, only to find that that very day happens to be the day of the biggest thunderstorm in years? "Irony" is what I think they call it. This was one of those days.

But before I can tell you about today, I must go back to a few months ago…

I work as an investigator; a detective if you will. I know. How cliche, right? Couldn’t think of a better career, could I? Nonetheless, it is what it is. Nothing too crazy or dangerously exciting has happened in years. Honestly, it’s been a rather boring job; not at all what I expected. A couple of “Lost Dogs” here and a “Missing Backpack” there, but alas, no “Lost Exotic Cobra” or even better “Missing Museum Mummy”. No, unfortunately, the headlines remain an agonizingly humdrum of nothingness.

Day in and day out I’d go to the office, only to find all is well. I suppose I should think that is a good thing; that our town is safe and there is no mystery to be unsolved. However, I couldn’t help but feel deprived, desperate even, for a little something to do. One could even say it was driving me insane!

Then one day, it happened.

Well, it’s true, something did happen. Was it that good to leave the paragraph only a sentence long? Perhaps not. But come on, give me a break! Everything started like any other day, I went through all the motions, got through the morning, and onto lunch. Then, a wave of absolute exhaustion and lethargy came over me that I dozed off.

When I came to, I glanced at the clock and, in a panic to not miss my favorite TV program, quickly grabbed all my things off my desk in what seemed like one big swipe.

Bursting through the door and clumsily dropping my bag on the floor, I turned on the TV and indulged. After a while, I noticed in the disarray of things fallen out of my bag, something that was not mine. A little black book. Curious, I lurched off the couch and crawled on all fours over to it. My fingers inched towards the cover, where they then stalled. There was an unsettling, ominous feeling about this book. Something uneasy, yet exciting. Do I dare open it? Holding my breath, I grazed the cover gently, then turned the page. . .

It was blank. Okay, the next page must have something on it...Blank again. I exhaled deeply and flipped through it. It was just a blank Moleskine journal. I must admit my disappointment was anything but little.

I decided to write in it. I had no real intentions or purpose; I simply felt like it. For some reason I wrote as if I were expecting a reply:

Hello. I am a detective. I live in a town with nothing to be detected. What should I do? I wish something would happen.

Apparently bored by my own reflections, I got up and went to bed.

The next morning I awoke, and routinely got through my morning, ready to leave for work.

“Where are my keys?” I said aloud.

Spotting them on the desk where I had been writing the night previously, I dashed over but to my utter shock, there was something else written on the page! Something I did not write!

Hello. I can help you. I can give you something to investigate.

Chills of fear and excitement rushed down my spine as an uncontrollable smile spread across my face.

A few weeks passed as I continued to write in this mysterious book, and I continued to get replies. They told me they had a way to give some excitement at work, to make my life more fulfilling. They wouldn’t tell me any specifics, but I decided I didn’t care. I was getting my dream come true, wasn’t I? You would want this too if you were in my shoes.

Then, it happened.

No really, this time it actually did happen. Everyone at work was bustling about in what seemed like glorious chaos, as I walked in and was handed a newspaper with a magnificently eventful headline:

BANK ROBBED - $20,000 CASH STOLEN

I could not believe it. That little black book did it. I don’t know how or who or what, but it did it.

I worked round the clock investigating the crime scene. Words cannot express the pure bliss and euphoria I felt having a real case, real action, real adventure, real crime. To add another cliche, I was on cloud nine.

Now you may be wondering, aside from who or what on earth that black book is, how does this all tie into the beginning? Why can’t I see more of what went on between you and the book? Do we get to see a great mystery unfold? Well, you’ll get enough details in the end. This does need to stay under 2,000 words, after all.

After another long day of investigating, feeling like I could not get any happier, despite not being any closer to knowing who robbed the bank, I returned home. Everything was as it usually was, but I was happier. I couldn’t help but reflect on everything that had happened over the last week. Who could have done this, and where was the money? Was it magic in my book? Am I crazy? I’m so happy tho…

Light flushed my eyes as they opened to see my living room swimming in the light of sunrise. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I hobbled over to the bathroom to take a shower, but wait-something was in my shower. Why did I know something is in my shower?

Confused, I walked over and wrenched the shower curtain open. No...it can’t be. This is impossible.

There, shuffled all along the floor like the cards of a poker game gone wrong, was what looked like could be $20,000 cash.

I stumbled backward, almost falling over. My head was spinning as I tried to understand what was going on. I thrust my hands against my head as if trying to squeeze out some misplaced memory.

The room was now spinning as the smoke in my memory cleared. I remember. I wrote in the book, and I replied to myself. I made a plan over several weeks to create a mystery, for myself to solve. No one would be hurt, and the money was going to mysteriously be found and returned. It all made sense now. I had become so desperate and driven mad for a mystery that I created one. I felt the irony of it all seep through my skin and to my core. Today was supposed to be a day of relaxing and watching my favorite TV program, too. Knowing I had to turn myself in and return the money, I felt this was the one mystery I wish I had not solved.

I asked myself, “Why today? Of all days, why did it have to be today?”

Gathering up all the money with a sense of shame, I walked out the front door and headed for work. A beautiful sunny day greeted me. At least I don’t need my umbrella today. But as I got closer to work the skies turned gray and it started to rain.