Criminals Taught Me What Society Forgot

I watched a video on Instagram—a man with a beard was speaking some real truth. It didn’t just inspire me, it compelled me to write this. So to all of you who follow my work: THANK YOU. And to that man in the video—I’m truly grateful.

But it reminded me of someone else too. An old man I met while I was incarcerated. He once used a word that stuck with me. He didn’t say homie—he said friend. And I wanted to give you—the reader—a chance to see that word through a different lens. Because depending on where you come from, especially if you’ve done time, the word friend doesn’t always show up in conversations about prison. Or family.

In the video, the man talked about children who choose to walk away from their families, not out of hate, but out of survival. Because some parents don’t protect. Some parents hurt. And yet, when those kids leave, society always cries, “Poor parents!” Rarely does anyone ask what the parents did. We blame the child for cutting ties, but never hold the adults accountable for why the ties needed cutting in the first place.

That’s when it hit me. We live in a world where…

We live in a world where people only do the right thing when someone’s watching.

They put on a show. Perform kindness. Preach values they don’t practice behind closed doors. And what’s worse? They teach that to their children by example.

It’s become normal now to hold strangers to higher standards than we hold our own families. You’ll check a coworker, a neighbor, a kid in the street—but you won’t correct your brother, your mother, your child. All in the name of “loyalty.” All in the name of love. But what kind of love stays silent when it sees someone you care about hurting others?

I love my brother. Deeply. But there are things he’s done, and ways he’s behaved, that I would never accept from anyone else. And that’s hard to admit. Because we’re told to protect family. To stay loyal. But loyalty without truth is just enabling.

If he weren’t my brother, I’d call him out. If he were someone else’s father, I’d say he wasn’t doing enough. And that says something—not just about him, but about all of us.

See, family should be the first place we hold each other accountable. Not the last.

But somewhere along the way, society got so caught up in saving face, it forgot how to save character.

I remember one day at the laundromat. I held the door open for five minutes while people walked in and out, arms full of laundry. No thanks needed—it’s just who I am. I believe in serving others when I can. Then a young girl walked out. She had seen me. Watched me help. And when she saw an older man coming up with a load of clothes? She didn’t help. She shoved the door open, nearly hit him, walked out with an attitude, and no awareness. Not even a glance.

Now, she’s just a kid. But kids don’t invent selfishness—they learn it. And that’s what scares me. Too many people are raising children without raising character.

But what hit me most? Was something I learned not out here, but inside.

I was in prison when an older man—one of the respected leaders—said something that stayed with me:

“To be a good homie, you do the right thing all the time. Not just when people are watching. Not just when it’s convenient. That’s what makes a real one.”

He explained that being a “homie” wasn’t about flex or status. It was about integrity. About never flipping back and forth. About honoring the people around you, because without them, your leadership means nothing.

And that shook me.

Because here we are—out in the free world—watching people betray their values every day, while men behind bars are living by a code society forgot.

Criminals are teaching society how to behave.

Because when you hit rock bottom, you have nothing to hide behind. Who you are is who you are. And that kind of clarity changes you.

So if you want to raise good kids—if you want a better society—stop waiting for others to fix it.

Start at home.

Could you say something when your family crosses a line?

Raise your children to be the kind of people you admire, not the kind you excuse. " Oh, they're just kids."

Be the example even when no one’s looking. Because someone always is.

And what they see becomes what they carry.

And what they carry becomes the world we all live in.

#Integrity #PrisonWisdom #Parenting #Accountability #Family #Respect #Leadership #LifeAfterIncarceration #SocialCommentary #TheBlackwoodJournals#Journalism