Your tethered soul

　　Not to be influenced by the outside world, it seems that I can't do it just because I want to. It's hard to control, just like you can't pray for rain to fall in time on dry land; or you spend two dollars on a lotto ticket and think you can win a thousand or eight million. It's hard, it's harder than the sky. I am still the one who has a lofty ideal but is slow to realize it.

　　I can't control the temptation of sugar and meat, so my body did not grow into what I want; I can't control my willpower, so I'm tired of studying and have achieved nothing so far. Even the music that I hear in my ears can freely sway my mood. In the song happy, I followed the mood of happiness, as if born without the pressure of life; song sad, I also followed the sadness. As if, eight lifetimes ago sorrowful things are a brain back, one by one bared teeth grin towards me bad smile ......

　　I am so vulnerable and so helpless. The fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on a lot of things. I was called a gentle and quiet person on the outside, but countless little monsters were living inside me, all of them questioning me with a flood of power in one voice: "What makes you live so depressing? Your detained soul has been weak and pathetic ......" Yes, what is the reason? Should I release it, or should I release it?

　　Countless questions asked the seemingly strong but cautious me. It reminded me of a chance chat with a young friend when I was young. I said, the ancients pay attention to smiling without showing teeth, and drink tea are half sleeves to cover their faces, but how many people can do it today? Nowadays, the times have progressed, although not so formal in speech and behavior, but also not too much "unrestrained". Listening to those who speak loudly as if they could penetrate the roof is torture. Why so loud? It's just small talk? Not just to take a phone call? And laugh so loudly, is brushing up the presence?

　　The youngster didn't think so. "What's wrong with laughing loudly? A loud voice is natural, why deliberately change it? It's normal to laugh when you're happy and cry when you're sad!" So, I heard my cheerful little friend recounting his "chivalrous" behavior to me one after another. For example, in the comedy segment shown on the couch, he always laughs without fear, completely ignoring the other passenger's strange eyes; for example, the long fence blocking the way across the street, he will have no fear of climbing over.

　　For example, climbing to the top of a mountain, he and his partners will be rolled into trumpet-shaped hands shouted a few, listening to the echoes of the mountains quickly swept away, at that moment, as if all the worries and troubles no longer exist. No worries, in this case, it seems to be how happy, but I, but no such courage, in the peak of the mountain, in front of the sea shouted so many voices, but also through a breeze, blow away my heart hovering years of depression.

　　Perhaps, this sounds like a little "suffocating" way of life, but for me is the "release of nature". That kind of unrestrained freedom, I do not have. I can't do it. I don't know what it is that is so relentlessly repressing my soul. A very funny humorous paragraph, I laughed until tears and could not make too much noise. A very sad factor to cry, I just gloomy silent tears, seldom choking. Even in an empty room, with a person singing to the screen, I can not fully release myself.

　　I know very well that nothing is holding me back, in the absence of people, I can fully release those who have never tried, my guts. However, I never laughed out loud, laughing to the heartless, laughing to forget the other; nor did I cry out loud, crying to the broken intestines again, crying to the dissipation of all the complaints ...... a repressed habit of half a lifetime, enough to change the whole life.

　　A few days ago, I watched a variety show, in which the director said over and over again to the actors to perform not twist and turn pretentious, to release their nature. The so-called release of nature, I think, should be without fear, as if no one to do a thing they want to do. I think the director's highest requirement for the actor is perhaps not for you to "act", but for you to actually "live" in the scene.

　　Therefore, I understand that people have different destinies, all because of their different personalities. Or rather, whether to release the natural nature. Some people, dashing nature, lift the backpack can be a trip to say go; some people just like me, aspire to freedom, but because of the reality of various can not so give up put down, lack of courage and too many scruples, and ultimately can not go forward in the road of dreams.

　　Perhaps, because of the "no" will aspire, because of the desire will have doubts. I began to stop questioning why my soul was so depressed and began to get used to the habits formed by the long repetition. The good and the bad. Some things can only be envied, some things can only be blessed. The year, eventually, will let a person understand what makes your soul not released, and how you spend this long life.