Your Love is Bewildering,

To My Mother

For all the times you gently picked me up,

When I fell down,

For all the times you tied my shoes

And tucked me into bed,

Or needed something

But put me first instead.

For everything we shared,

The dreams, the laughter,

And the tears,

I love you with a "Special Love"

That deepens every year.

Dear Mom,

I say I love you, and I really do. But sometimes this love we have for each other suffocates me. I aspire to be like you, but sometimes the thought, that I might be becoming like you scares me. I want to share my every thought with you, but realizing that you might hear my every thought frightens me.

Is this what it is like to be a daughter? What are these mixed feelings I have towards you? Do you feel the same way about me? About us? You say you are proud of me, but it hurts me every time you look at me with those eyes full of hopes and expectations. You have always showered me with limitless love and support. I am happy to have someone who believes in me unconditionally. But sometimes, all your excessive love and support weighs me down. I am more afraid of disappointing you than I am of disappointing myself. Even when I know, you will still be there for me when I stumble and fail, I still do not want to fail for you. You always taught me to be strong, but you never told me how difficult it is to be strong. I have seen you work hard and tirelessly since I was a little girl. I have seen you be more thoughtful of others than you are to yourself. I look at you with delight continually and wonder "How can someone be so selfless?" Nevertheless, I also sympathize with you for not being selfish enough. Why do you stay so strong, mom? Why are you so selfless?

Aren't I a little pathetic? You did everything for me, chose my happiness over your own and here I am complaining about everything? What do I do momma, it suffocates me to watch you sacrificing yourself little by little for my sake!

Mom, I am sorry for yelling at you at times and making you worry. I still wonder how you could handle such a stubborn child like me, and still love me so much. Your life has always revolved around me and you have always taken care of all the things that make me happy. Thank you for everything mom.

I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to complain when I am making a fuss, it is okay for you to be a little selfish. It is okay for you to not be perfectly happy around us every time. Mom, I wish you would depend on me a little more. I want to be able to do things for you. I promise to always be there to hug you if you ever feel down, just like how you always had a hug ready for me. Mom, it is okay if your best try isn't best enough! It is okay if your every dish isn't tasty enough. You have already done so much for me. You have already lived so much for me.

Thank you, mom, for everything! but now I want you to live for yourself. I want you to cook the dish you love. I want you to do things you enjoy. Please, mom, don't sacrifice your little happiness for me because after all your happiness has always been my happiness.

Sincerely,

Your little stubborn girl!