World View

I was ten years old and remember being upset because I didn't want to grow up. I missed being younger than that because I thought I wasn't cute. Anymore. Ignorant people thought I was psychotic because of my love for the Halloween series and the Child's Play series. They allowed me to turn my emotions off.

That was something I needed to do because I was literally surrounded by assholes. I was constantly body shamed and didn't feel athletic or smart enough and definitely didn't feel lovable or like I even could be loved. Comment's like, ''It's Christmas Eve, give the spooky shit a rest'' did not bolster my self-esteem.

I was just a square peg in a round hole. I did not do drugs, I did not drink or get into fights. I wrote spooky stories and watched scary movies. I was not some unfeeling, psychotic monster. I felt too much, I felt all the time. When I was writing, I was in control. I was confident. I didn't give a shit whether or not you liked my stuff or not, I was writing for me.

I was and still am somewhat of a broken toy. I am ashamed to look back and see the stance I chose to take in life. I was cold and stand offish. One girl at a racetrack when I was eleven years old told me her friend liked me and I said, ''yeah right.'' I didn't believe anyone could ever love me or find me attractive. Please don't look at me. That was my mindset. I am a writer, I can observe. I can look at an issue and play it out in a fictional world to understand life better.

As a writer I can be the creator, I can make something worthwhile and contribute to the world in a meaningful way. Probably two Christmases ago was where I truly started to feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

I always tried to be kind but I stayed angry for too long. I let the shallow, hateful people dictate how I felt about myself. I was a little boy that felt deeply. I trusted far too easy. It took too long for me to be able to work toward loving and appreciating myself more.

I created more of the stories I wanted to read on the page, stage and screen. I wrote works inspired by what I thought was cool and worthwhile. These were my influences. I shouldn't have given a shit what broken people that can't fix their own problems dictate to me how my life should be.

I try to be honest in my writing. I want to dig around under the skin and poke around in those nerves. Let us have an emotional experience so Goddamn strong that we are balling naked on the ground, changed but better humans.

I hate hiding who I am. I want you to know who I am. This is me. I am not ashamed anymore. I am a writer. I write horror, I write Fantasy, I write comedy, I write romance, I write poetry, novels, short stories and screenplays.

I am in love with writing There wasn't enough good movies and stories to my liking so I had the audacity to go ahead and create my own stuff. This world has taken its toll on me.

I am a writer. I am closer to working toward loving myself than I have ever been in any other period in my life. It took me so long to learn to appreciate myself, not feel guilty or weird about embracing my own loves and interests.

I value being this truthful in my poetry and non-fiction for basically therapy reasons. If you feel like you can't talk to any of the shallow, vapid, phony motherfuckers you're surrounded by, tell it to the page. You're giving yourself permission to tell your story and give someone else permission to tell their story in as candid a way possible.