Word of the Day: 水瓶座

I woke up so early this morning. My mind feels empty compared to the chaos of yesterday in my mind. I can tell when my mind/bipolarness is affecting me when my notes get all jumbled. Luckily it was just one page but, I can't afford to channel all the different spirits hovering over me. Maybe I am all clear this morning because I saged yesterday? This morning, I am just by myself, listening to Jimmy on Youtube.

Looking in my Instagram, I had my Japanese friend send me a bunch of memes about letting go of the past. I have no idea why? Is that for me or him? What is he trying to convey? Maybe he just felt like encouraging me in my new relationship... Is it a relationship? I feel like, we aren't a pair?

Would he take damage to be with me? OPEN UP. For a brief moment I went back to that dream I had so long ago. He went upstairs and yelled at me. I didn't understand what he was saying, he just was yelling at his sibling?

Open up the door!

He said that I wasn't cured from being in the hospital. That might be true. I am not taking my medication since it was giving me RLS so bad I couldn't deal with it. I know I shouldn't have quit each one of them but since all of them had the RLS symptom, I wasn't sure if stopping one would be enough to tame the severity of it.

Talking about my dad's pets with my mom for a second made me pause for a bit; how is it she can talk about my dad and Peter so easily?

We're watching my friend's dog this coming week...

Like what the fuck? What kind of conversation is this? I guess I seem to do the same thing but I am not necessarily sure that is such a good thing. I need to brush my teeth.

Mom decided that popcorn is a good breakfast food for now. Am I living to write these pages? Is that what my life is ending up being? I guess I wanted to make a blog or something for quite a while but I didn't think I would be doing it with constipation.

I am thinking that staying on a certain routine that can be done faithfully each day would be a good practice. I was doing Qi gong and such in the morning but I have fallen out of that a bit. I am going back to writing since I don't really have anyone to talk to during the day.

I have forbidden him to talk to me via video chat. I don't know if I can take that back. We have different timelines and I feel like it isn't proper anymore. Is it weird to think that if he kept seeing me in the camera he'd eventually see me in a bad light?

I need to call a few people today. It is stressing me out a bit. I think it isn't. Why are you in an office? Did giving him that hydroxyzine a bad thing?

He said mushrooms doesn't affect him... Is he kind of high-strung like my dad? Hmm.... this toast is crunchy.

I have a telehealth therapist appointment this morning but I don't feel like talking to him. My medicine was dick, and I took a heavy dose. I don't need to talk to a guy who looks like the scientist from Independence day movie to feel better right now.

I feel a bit hung over even though we were just drinking whiteclaws. Maybe I will wake up more with a shower. It is weird but I don't feel like looking for anyone new. Even if I don't understand this relationship well, I feel like he is fully occupying my mind and body right now and I need rest.