Word of the Day: がっかり

I ended up fallling asleep waiting for that Ezra Miller looking dude. When I look at my phone I saw he called at like 1-2 in the morning, which is way past the 10pm I told him was the latest.

I tried messaging him today but, it seems that he isn't replying. I guess it wasn't meant to be. To be honest, I think I need to just focus on my homework again for today. Though I really wanted him to fuck me up.

I mean, thanks to the weed partially but, he activated me so bad, my body was writhing in pleasurable spasms just at the thought of being intimate with him. I was like an anime girl, heavy panting, not able to stop touching myself. I was just completely infatuated with his pictures and overly fantasizing the moment.

Just ready to fuck him like 1000 different ways. Now I woke up now and realize I think the time for this week is probably already gone now. Also even though I mentioned that we could just plan for next week or something, I feel like he might've just cooled down completely from all idea of meeting me. I mean it is kind of obviously just lust. But I mean, I am still on the look out for a proper FwB that can provide me at least with weekly sex. Like I mean, if I could get sex every weekend, I think I would be happy with that.

I am actually the sort of person who needs sex at least like 3 times a week so, I've actually been under-sexed for a long time. Like, I am not saying this to be like, " Oo, look at me, I am so sexual. " or what not, I just feel like my body feels better and it is kind of a natural mood stabilizer since we get oxytocin from the act.

While typing this I feel tempted to call him on the phone to see if he'd come over today but I do feel like, more realistically, the time has already passed. The momentum is lost. And that, I am trying to reconcile with. I bought myself some Dominos and having a pizza for breakfast. The tomato-y sauce is like super delicious to me right now. I don't know why but ever since I turned 30, I have this strong desire for tomatoes. It is nearly the best flavor on earth for me right now. It is the tangy and sweet flavor that is so good, the Italian seasonings just compliment it so well too.

I am already full. I don't think I need to eat everything at once. I bought this to last me the whole day anyway. That is kind of what I do, I don't buy door dash all day long, I usually order one big meal and have it last the whole day. Sometimes even 2 days, depending on what I order. I am trying to manage my disappointment because, I was like, " I need sex, I am going to get sex, then be ultra productive. " I didn't get said sex so, now I am like.. Well I guess I'll pout with my pasta bowl and 2 liter cherry coke from Dominos. The thing is like, I don't think I did anything wrong, it just sort of fell through due to circumstances. I had to clean, he didn't get done with his shit until late. But the thought of not rescheduling makes me more disappointed than anything.

It seems he is texting me back now...