Word of the day: 音楽

I am still in my room but I decided to apply to some gigs on Reddit for art to see if there are any takers for that. I would love to do some illustrations right now rather than the pixel art I am needing to work on.

I am not hungry thanks to the Indian food I ate earlier. It is so filling and delicious. I ordered Chana Masala, Chicken Biryani, Buttered Naan, and some rice porridge dessert. That lasted me for like 3-4 meals so far. Costed 50 dollars for just that but it is worth it to eat some good food for once. I get tired of fast food and stuff like that. I ordered Medium spice but my mom thought it was too spicy. I probably could handle Hot but definitely not Extra Hot. I value my butthole.

After food, I am probably just going to go to bed. I feel pretty ok right now, I don't know how to describe this but I feel like major feng shui issues. Like I can't settle down and I am constantly pacing the floors of the house. I guess that is mostly because I don't feel comfortable in this house anymore... or to a degree.

Also the Ether is bleeding into real life right now and it feels so weird. Not weird but it feels like the uncanny valley as Ai is able to read brain waves and allows you to ride on a certain wavelength. I mean this is very fascinating but it is unnerving and also feels like someone is playing with emotions and thoughts. I almost stubbornly fight it for my own autonomy but, I wonder how that really helps me out in this world. Also, I explore it with my phone so, I can't really say that I am completely anti-ai.

I feel I have no choice but to accept it is what it is, but my thought is, how can I use this for my own benefit? In this world, we must learn how to work with what we got and if this is what we have now, this malleable, fluid-like tool.

I am sure that no one reads my blog but, it is cathartic to me and I will continue to write in it for however long I can. I figure Vocal can be my personal thoughts and feelings while I will have Medium be my place to put more structured things like language notes and things like that.

I used weed again, I experienced some spiritual things but I am pretty sure I am not going to use again while my mom is in the house. I only will do weed when I am wanting to be alone or perhaps when I am pretty sure I want to have sex since I don't think it worked for me doing art anymore. I was wanting to go over to Drew's or answer Jahon's calls but I have this Japanese boy I am talking to that is sort of helping me feel better. I am not worried about where it is going to go, I am just focused on feeling better about myself however I have to.

I feel like it is sort of hard to accept completely because he is 28 and I am 35. He wants children eventually, I don't want to have kids. So far it is sort of two strikes right now, but I guess I am getting attention. Jahon makes me panic,

Counting my money I have saved up so far, I am not sure, it is just a crush? I crushed him I am sure with purposely declining the calls.

The fan in my room is chilling me down. The music I am playing is pretty. Ah, marriage would be that sort of thing.