Word of the day: ど忘れ

I had a dream that I went to Yuuichirou's house and he lost a bunch of weight and was with a beautiful woman. He also had long hair and I was wanting a hug but he was just sort of kindly telling me to get out of the house.

I think it is telling me I still have lingering feelings for him but acknowledge that we're past the point of no return.

I started my period today so that probably is why I am dreaming of my ex as well. I don't have anyone in my life so, it is just defaulting to my past.

I am slowly converting one Patreon tier's posts to Public view since I use it as my portfolio too. It is kind of my hobby at this point but I am hoping to get some customers soon. March is going to be a hard month for me because I am not getting a money increase until the end of it so I am going to have to really be frugal and such.

Maybe I'll go on a diet to save money and fast a few days or buy like clear soups kits so I am not eating so much. Being poor doesn't have to be a bad thing if I think of it as helping my health. What is really worrying me is the bills that I accrued and whether or not my insurance will cover it when I call tomorrow.

I am advertising on reddit and places like that, hoping that will help but it is so saturated and my portfolio isn't like...the best. I guess I really got to see it as a hobby since my plan is to go back to Vocational Rehabilitation and find a paying job.

So until then, I can do what I want on here and consider it an effort. Not being on gummies is making it difficult. It is like I am stuck in a very mundane world now that was colored previously by drugs.

I know that, people usually go on substances because their waking life is not stimulating enough for them or too hard to bear and I am no different. I also feel like my algorithm on social media is different too.

Before I was like hyperlinked to like these different... portals? Where things were super connected to the point it would scare me.

I wonder if I can still have my dream of a husbando in Japan with a cat.. that was my dream for a long time and the more I grow older the more I feel like it isn't my destiny anymore.

I am a sucker for nice hands and face, my type is sort of a cross between Alexander Rybak and Nat Thewphaingam

...We're the same age, don't come at me. I can't help it that I look like a old fart and he has the secret to eternal youth.

I think it is really diet and exercise. If I change my habits and become more healthy I will be able to look like I was in my 20's

hmm... maybe not lol. But I could look better at least. Also being healthy isn't a bad thing, you know?

Also it is unfair to want a god damn super model while I am struggling to do a sit up. Perhaps I can use this time to.. of course work on my portfolio or not, but really focus on losing and keeping the weight off.

I don't have kids, I am not married, there is no excuse for me not to look my best.