Word of the Day:舞い上がる

This is the only vocal I am allowed today because I have so much homework to turn in and there is no more room on my Todo list for Vocal entries. But I just woke up to a reply to my text asking the guy back over again.

I mean, I didn't know if he was going to say yes or no again since I am not sure how he felt about the whole process. I enjoyed the fuck out of it, man. I don't know if it will be the same when he comes over again but his answer was sexy as shit:

When would you want me?

Hurhurhurhur.. I am like deep ugly laughing with how much glee I have over this whole encounter. I mean, I feel like asking for the perfect FwB situation was sort of low bar since most sane women want long term boyfriends who would eventually marry them or what not. But the idea of even my peasant's idea of a "relationship" being this perfect was above my expectations.

Like... I know it isn't traditional or.. well like I said, long term based but. I mean, we should be allowed to be happy when we get the things we want, right? In my life, it always seemed sort of illegal or something.

I worry about him though, like he might just be burrying his emotions somewhere. I guess we are both just working though things. I feel like, if he isn't broken up with his baby mama, maybe this was just the step in his way to breaking free from her. I feel like, he is surprising passive in certain things so, I am pretty sure she had to take the reigns for most the relationship with them. So that would make it very difficult for him, but that is not my problem.

That is a big hard pass for me, but I mean, I am not looking to settle down with this guy. My actual purest thought was. " I wish he could be with me until I am done with school. "

I mean, that has been the first wish I have had around relationships in a long while. Like, I have been completely vacant in terms of dreams romantically. It made it so hard to be in Japanese class where the teacher is forcing babies and marriage down our throats daily. I guess this is my rebellion towards that.

I feel a little mischievious but I think it is mostly because I am avoiding my homework. I mean, I don't know if I am on the right spiritual path or anything but, ah, the way he fucks me feels like the closest thing I am going to feel near love.

It kind of sad and beautiful at the same time, because I have never had someone stimulate my body the way this man does. Also he damn near acts like he worships my vagina. It is actually really funny in some sort of way.

Ah that is the thing, I don't know if he is just a good actor or really feels that way. I sort of don't want him to act, maybe that is the thing. I don't want him to act any sort of particular way because he thinks he needs to.

I mean, yea I am very turned on to the idea of being desired like that, but I am also not an idiot. Ah I guess he is just behaving according to his nature.

Jahon.. You're the dread wolf. You send another Jinn after me? What am I supposed to do?