Word of the Day:醜い

As I am allowing my body to process all that happened, the sun is shining outside of my window. We had a few days of rain so I am glad we have a break.

I need to actually compile my themes onto this paper. I know I know, I need to do Math but, I feel like I need to do it for my sanity.

It is the simplest task my brain can handle right now with the most effect.

This also will create enough momentum to allow me to study. I was thinking about jules conversion.

I need to love you. I need him to love me? Oh no this is automatic writing. I don't have time to process this right now body, I need to do math or AT LEAST Japanese.

I keep looking at the rose buds blooming. They are so confused. Ah, this isn't me recovering my body, it is recovering my emotions. What the hell, you can't afford any crushes right now you have to keep...... He kissed me on my hickey.

Where the fuck is his Scorpio placement? Ah it feels like some weird mix of Scorpio and Virgo...

God I am giddy as fuck. I keep looking around like, " did anyone see that? " but I know that isn't how reality works. I am loving this sun though. I bet the roses love them too.

After this story I really need to compile these words. I know it isn't homework but it is like a combo of study/therapy for me so I... I think I need that now. He is gone now anyway.

He doesn't speak any other languages. I need to stop over thinking these things or trying to figure anything out. If he messages me, it'll happen again. I don't think he will and I think that is why I want to go back to bed to sort of savor everything.

I don't think anything was ruined, it went down exactly how it should've.

Yulia was never a thing.

I don't understan.

How would I ever teach a daughter what is right in this world, when I am always unsatisfied?

I know that might have been a sin to you.... I Jahon...... Jahon............ The world.

Yea, welcome to my manic episode. Remembering his lips... He felt surreal. Like an alien. But so beautiful in a cold way.

She gets me. We can just fuck like this whenever I want.

I don't thing usually end up how we want. Even if I wanted it 3 times a week I don't think he'd want... to just purely fuck me. Yea I need to be tested.

Almost done writing this page, I am so glad for the pile of papers next to me, I can finally sort it out. As I wanted to. I wasn't going to see your fortune. I wasn't looking for that. No that isn't it but, I am just thinking yea I dunno about that.

Oh because this guy and Jahon does.. delivery type jobs.

Yea I guess I worry about that sort of thing, I mean I don't know what he's trying to do. Then Baelish, popped into my mind, what he told Sansa...

He learned how to distract people. That was his talent.

All of his plots were based on diversion.

I will not let the last thing i do today just be this story. I deserve to do math. I am craving soda or something sweet to drink. I had to make salad because that was the only thing sweet in the house right now.

I love you so much. This comes from a weird place but, it is pure and red.