Word of the day: 製番

I am living in so many layers and so many emotions right now it is hard to know which layer I need to walk around in right now.

Also I might be pregnant. Highly unlikely but I have been fucking so much lately it is playing a very dangerous game of roulette. My monkey mind wants me to get pregnant, the animalistic instincts are telling me that is a good thing but my human side is like, " Be rational. We don't have money and you have no natural motherly instincts, you're just horny. "

Also really the consequences are not worth it. It's romantic and like, gives you a warm feeling in your heart but, the reality is that there will be blood and bones and pain.

I think I am just stressed and that stress is driving me to want to procreate for some reason.

Now I got some heartburn from the coffee so I am just sitting down here again, I'm a mess but I am back down to 208lbs so I am happy ( I ballooned to 214 a few weeks ago so I am grateful it is lower now )

Sebastian and I are talking of getting Indian takeaway and watching Wednesday on Netflix together. I am not sure if it is going to be today or not but hopefully Keely will be able to help me clean a bit.

She didn't help me with cleaning but she did sort of allow me to make the appointments that I needed to make which is helpful in itself.

I am laughing so hard I got 5 bucks for that last story. Life is really funny.

Sebastian sort of backed out of meeting today but I also don't know what to do about these two other guys approaching me about actual dating. I am really content with Sebastian but I mean this one guy Tim is sort of very adamant about going out somewhere together and doing something, not necessarily getting into my pants which is sort of interesting but also low key sort of suspicious.

If I do go on that date, should I tell Sebastian? I mean I probably will have to do that but I think I'll wait until I actually make a date with the guy if I even bother to do that since I have so much I need to do, preparing for a date seems a frivolous use of time. I guess I should just finish my chores and Todo list for today and see how I feel at the end of that.

Shit I missed my appointment today, I missed two appointments, that's not good.

I decided to take a break to eat a salad. God, I think that I might just need to buy salads for school. I might actually lose weight since I might not have time to cook during the week. I am trying to deal with the lingering emotions of all the happenings this month but I am confident I'll have it all sorted by the time school rolls around. I got to figure out the rules around my computer usage.

I also discussed possibly setting up my school computer in the dining room so I have a legit place for each computer:

• Standing desk for my work computer
• couch for my personal computer
• dining table for my school computer

I don't like the idea of food near my homework but I can just make sure I clean up after I eat each time.

I need to decide if I want to prepare to have a date with Tim or if I should just wait for Sebastian. I don't know, I don't want to be a ho more than I already am but I need to accept the fact that me and Sebastian are just fwb and his next availability he said was in October.