Word of the Day: 引っ越し

Sorry for not writing in a while, I have been very busy. I finally moved into my new apartment!

I have already stayed 4 nights here and I am pretty happy about it. I get to eat and sleep when I want, and once my Luna controller get here from amazon, I will be able to play games as well.

I do think about using weed but since I got the thunderclap headaches, I want to avoid it until I get the MRI that my doctor suggested. She just wants to rule out any secondary problems which I am all for, but it is scary.

I am drinking CBD drinks but that doesn't get you high. Though I guess it would still be in my system if I am worrying about that.

I have been busy unloading boxes and cleaning my new apartment up. They emptied it out but I don't think they did a deep clean of the place as we mopped the floor and wiped down the doors to stuff and it came out black! Still wiping it down each day and is still coming out dirty so it makes me feel a little icky about it. We also vacuumed the carpet and sprinkled baking soda deodorizer all around.

I am not happy though. I don't know why. I guess Reo not talking to me is sort of discouraging right now but I don't know what else to do. Maybe he was just supposed to be my support while I was in the process of moving. Maybe it wasn't supposed to go any further than that.

It is the next day and I am actually happier today. I watched a movie and played my game and somehow had peace today. I saw Drew went to Thailand like some passport bro, I don't care really. That is sort of what surprised me. I am pretty content with where I am and what I am doing for the time being. Since this is my diary/journal, I have no reason to lie to myself but, I don't know how long that feeling will last.

I am still wanting weed since I am alone but I can't have my candy until I get my MRI done. It just is what it is. The longer I procrastinate on that the longer it will take for me to have that again. I don't know why I have a fear of it. I mean, is it the injection? is it the freak accidents that happen? I mean it is my brain. I am really freaked out about being in there. I wish I wasn't and just saw it as some sort of routine thing but, it scares me a lot. I mean, what's worse is that if I don't get a good result afterwards, that would suck. I mean, it would at least let me know what is going on in my brain but it freaks me out so much to where I just want to forget about it. I feel like when I do go in, I'll need some anxiety medication to go through it.

It's miserable to not do it as much as it is to do it so, I am not sure what to do to make my fear subside enough to make the call for the appointment. I am busy with other things for the time being but I'll soon not be busy with anything for 2 months so I have no excuse.

Reo messaged me about the MRI, while I am glad he messaged me, I am disappointed that that's what he wrote. He could've done better or at least apologized for not writing for so long.