Word of the Day: 交換

I don't really have time to spend the rest of the day recovering emotionally over being stood up. I mean, my body is sort of all fatigued now. I think being so excited for the Ezra guy, my body forgot to give me... ah no, I guess I was fatiqued when talking to him. It was part of the reason I took so many breaks in cleaning. I guess I just didn't notice it because I was so excited to prepare for guests. But, now that I don't have anything to look forward to now, I am just feeling the fatigue with nothing to ease the pain of it.

Yea, I have to look after my human right now. She doesn't have anyone and she is basically like a crab molting right now. She has had adequate food. Even took vitamins. It is a mess right now though. I kind of do need a break but, my timer points were sort of wasted waiting for the guy to come, now I got to go back to work and try to earn more time for the future.

I want to see you tonight

I feel like he's just fucking with me right now. I don't believe him and it feels like a waste to eat any gummies to prepare for him to come. It has been an hour since I've sent him a reply and he hasn't even seen it.

I am still keeping to my timer. I am just going to earn my time until he either shows up or I go to bed at 10pm.

I feel that is the only thing I can do because I can't waste too much time trying to look forward to him coming like last time. I got to giddy and lost in the fantasy of everything. I need to be a bit more serious today. Or at least, just stay on task with the timer.

It kind of upsets me to think he might be just trying to fuck with me right now and, I mean he can totally be doing that. He is kind of hot enough for me to figure him out to be a playboy type character. But damn, it is like... ok enough of the suspense. Come over or not, pick one!

Yea.. I am excited. I am super weak right now, I sort of feel like I need to say no just to prevent us from wasting time but, it is just a really nice fantasy to get lost in. Especially since I haven't had anything to feel good about lately, so this fool's gold is sort of catching my eye at the moment.

I am definitely going to take a swig of my soda after I am done writing this and checking off more stuff on my todo list.

I have no more slots for vocal entries so, I will have to stop writing until tomorrow either way after this. But, I am just.. Well I am happy I am getting extra time and being productive. I feel I am going to feel this disappointment more heavily at another date when other bad things have happened and will just casually put this as the cherry on top of my sob story.

I mean, I am not really mad because, I know that all of the feelings and pull to him was in my head, not necessarily reciprocated but, at least he wasn't a jerk about it so, I am glad for that. Though I wish he would just be blunt with me about that. I hate guys who are cowardly.