Word of the Day: 肯定的

I finally told the guys in the discord thing that I am using weed and they were ok with it. It made me feel better. Even Brian said:

I smoked half a joint after lunch

So, I don't think it is bad or they are judging me... I feel understood now and that feels great.

Talking to Keely, she said I scored really high in visual memory so that is good. Low on sound which makes sense, I walk around with headphones so I am not really into listening to other people necessarily and I am not good with small talk so I rather not listen to those sort of things.

A part of me think that I didn't get a lot because I didn't explain much either, I am about condensing things into more digestible pieces during a chat so, I am not into flowery prose any longer in my life.

I know I am not a great writer. I am not whimsically skilled at the craft, I just do it every day. It is like the difference between mowing the lawn and doing topiary; I am a lawn mower.

I just learned that my niece has a drinking problem. It isn't like I don't care but I feel like this is just another drama that I am not wanting to get involved with. Also, it doesn't surprise me since she has postpartum pretty bad.

I think my nieces have just grown up to be obnoxious or at least that is how I feel about them listening to what my mom has to say about them. I don't care about what they are struggling with, I don't care if they get over it. My family is too foreign to me to relate to so I just keep to myself. I am actually glad for the ACT team since it is getting my mind and peace in a different area so I can actually breath. If I was stuck in my mom's house all day with my family, I would probably go crazy.

My mom mght have better stories to tell, but she doesn't bother to write them out. She will regret sitting at the tv so much in her life, or maybe she is too unevolved and doesn't realize she is wasting her time with that.

I skipped my medications 2 days in a row so far. I feel a bit bad about that so any mood I am having now I figure it is because of that.

I woke up to rain so I am feeling good about that. It is calming to the land and such I just feel like... looking at my todo list I have so much space to call my dad so it isn't like I can use the excuse of being busy to avoid that. At least in my soul I know that is the truth.

You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

Keely sort of told me that. But I don't know. I think with it being my mom's first day back at work, I will probably just get high today and contemplate my life or something.

I need to stretch more. Even if it isn't straight out exercise it is good to move the body.

I wonder if I will ever be under 200 lbs again? I wish I was 140-150 again. I think that was the healthiest weight. I guess I could probably concentrate on that since I don't have a man or a job at the moment.

Since I have a Chalazion on my eye I feel really ugly and not wanting to do any beauty treatments so the idea of taking care of myself is repulsive.