Word of the day: 意味

This is a lot to unpack. You seem to be in a complex situation with Reo. The long-distance thing sounds okay for now, but the attraction issues are interesting. And getting Rouge in Sephora is exciting. But doing weed behind your mom's back is risky. You mention not being 100% into Reo's face. Have you thought about having an open conversation with him about how you feel? Also, how do you plan to stop the weed habit when you get a job?

To answer your second question. I am just thinking I'd go cold turkey, I am not sure if I can do it any other way. Also I don't know if I will quit completely as much as considering it a "hiatus".

The reason I am doing it right now is because I am living with my mom without a job, I am in the process of finding a job and I will be moving to another town in a few months so I feel like the changes will allow me to have enough novelty in my life to not be tempted as much by the stuff.

The thing that bothers me is the lying, but I am only doing that to not create issues with my mom. See, I used to do weed but I took a lot of Sativa which made me meaner and paranoid. Listening to tarot cards about people being cheated out of inheritance and family members taking advantage of the viewer made me realize that my mom is taking advantage of me as she gets paid to drive me around because I have a " disability " which is just Aspergers but she was so clingy and that is the real reason I am 'disabled' because my nerves were constantly shot as a child.

I learned that, weed is only for my alone time. I can't be around my mom when I use it and I have only been doing it when she is at work or when she goes on trips out of town, which she has been doing a lot of lately so, it's giving us a break which is good.

I know it is putting me on the same frequency as Jahon, it is probably why he's calling more now. He probably can sense I am not clean right now.

Also there is another friend with benefits that called wanting to hang out who is an advid smoker of weed. His dad just died a bit ago so, he's all alone now which makes me feel sad for him.

I would like to go to him and offer him some company but, I think he just wants sex and I... probably would be tempted at this point. I am stressed enough that I would probably be stupid like that.

I just feel like I don't know how to have normal relationships right now, they are all awkward, off, or contrived. I am banking on going to a new town to change my luck with everything but also to work on myself as, I gained some weight and feel like I could perhaps make better choices if I had more choices over my body: what foods I eat, when I eat, when I exercise, etc.

I don't feel like I can do that really living with my mom because she just sits in front of the tv and binges show after show, mouth all open like a zombie.

I would explain more of my situation but I think that is enough to get the point across.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.