Word of the Day: 連載

This is a lot to unpack. You seem to be in a complex situation with Reo. The long-distance thing sounds okay for now, but the attraction issues are interesting. And getting Rouge in Sephora is exciting. But doing weed behind your mom's back is risky. You mention not being 100% into Reo's face. Have you thought about having an open conversation with him about how you feel? Also, how do you plan to stop the weed habit when you get a job?

Thanks for the questions Paul, yes it is pretty complicated and I do think about talking to him about it but, I have Jahon, and ex who keeps calling me in the middle of the night and wants to " hang out " while I am trying to save up for my apartment; I am worried he'd have me spend my money if not outright taking it from me.

I know this is not a real excuse for what you said, but I guess I am just trying to convey that I am pretty stressed out right now. This is something I am keeping from Reo in itself so, to answer your question. I feel it is too soon to talk about too much right now. We only started talking this month.

The thing is that, when I talk to Jahon, he makes me feel like shit. I also listen to maybe too much tarot cards to have clarity on the situation in reality but... there are communication difficulties there as well. I should be upfront with him and tell him that I am not interested but last time we talked it was word salad and he just blamed me for so much and didn't take accountability of the things he did wrong, or maybe he doesn't realize gambling 2000 dollars away was a big deal, not reaching out to me when I was in jail or in the mental hospital was a shitty thing. And giving me Molly was also maybe a part of why I had those breakdowns to begin with.

He is hot, very much my type: sexy, slim, handsome Russian man with Asiatic features, but I feel like bad boy is an understatement. He is so effortlessly charming in a weird way which makes it harder to get my point across. He was in tears last time he called out of the blue and then kept saying, " There is another guy right? "

At the time, I wasn't talking to anyone new or had any idea of being with someone else. Actually, he called me right when I was crying about him so it felt sort of magical, as if I summoned him out of nowhere. It made me feel like magic is real, but I don't think magic necessarily means something good.

He also fell out of favor with my mom when I told her he snorted cocaine in front of me.

" Your dad was a drug user too, I understand. But, he isn't good for you. "

" You created quite the problem, Malysh."

I told him that and he felt like he didn't do anything wrong but his voice had the tone that he understood that he did wrong. I hung up on him when he told me he'd see me soon.

I need to be honest with him and just tell him that we can't see each other, but I feel like he won't hear me and that just keeping away is the best. But, I created some misunderstanding when I said that I would like to hang out. I know that was wrong for me to do, but he was crying and I was worried he would commit suicide or something, I wasn't sure what the situation was.

It is unhealthy I know, but right now I can't sort anything out with anyone.

I'll answer the other question in another post.