Word of the Day: 飴

since after my finals. I accidentally got locked out of my apartment last night because I wanted to go out.

I told myself, " Just some BBQ sliders and 2 drinks and I'll leave. " half way walking there I realize, the keys were not in my purse and my feet were soaked because my sneakers are breathable cloth ones, not meant to be out in the weather with.

I didn't want to go stay with my mom so I just started texting a bunch of tinder dates asking them if they were available. One guy named Nam popped up, we were actually talking for a good while and I actually didn't send him any naughty photos unlike the other guys.

Yea, this would technically be strike two but, I would very much like to consider this to be the final one... There isn't anything overtly wrong with the guy but I mean, sex with him was... well, it wasn't dull but, I felt like... I was very much a meat doll for him, and probably so was him for I so, I think it is best we just recover separately and just... I can't say what happened after.

I just think that, maybe I need to be done with sex, for a while... Is it sex or the drugs that are the problem with me? Or is the lying... I don't think it is the lying. I haven't really lied, only about one thing. Nah, I have lied several times. I am trying to figure out if I feel any remorse for anything though.

Free. I feel free in this moment. Despite everything. I have always felt free to write.... My mouth has sores making me wonder if I will be getting herpes or not. He tasted like drugs or disease.... It could also just be the cuts from the whole bag of onion chips I ate. It sort of reminded me of Tom Siddell's depiction of wood elves. I thought he was pretty cute, but kinda stupid. Him holding my boob the whole night and affectionately tapping my butt in the kitchen made him perfectly "manly". It was like I went all the way back to when I was younger... oh yea I guess he is younger than me... I think he's 27? I mean, it isn't that bad of an age gap but... I think this was just sex for sure.

We talked about the limited knowledge I have about Vietnam and culture, he told me a bit about his job.

You know, your job stole mine.

Yea.. I mean he has a doctorate in some sort of branch of technology. Ah, he knows about data transfer... It was Ai specific, but I feel like it is probably more. I guess he is expanding on the transfer capacity which will just create extremely rapid...

I don't want to make him more interesting than he is. I felt like I had some sort of great mystery in front of me but, I don't know anything really.

The sky is beautiful today. I finally got a break from the rain. I shit... you not.... AH!!!!!!!!!!!!! the humming bird feeder.

Why did you create the world as so? Father? Oh am I talking to do? do? AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember that lady. I paid into her Patreon account for a bit because I liked her adventurous spirit. She was quite elegant and had fruit trees.

I have dropped into some sort of nihilism and I am not sure what sort of monster that has let out into the world. A monster.