Word of the Day: 洗濯

I put on pants from the bottom of my laundry basket and they are obviously stinky but I am going to the hospital so I am feeling like I don't really care. I sort of want to put perfume but I am not sure if that is allowed or not. I even worried about the deodorant but I put a little on

My stomach is still a little upset but I am treating it with water. Even if I didn't have an upset stomach I feel like I need to drink more water before this MRI.

I am more tired than nervous at this point but we'll see once I get to the hospital.

I have a lot of things I need to do: my apartment is a mess, I need to do school stuff, I have commissions I need to finish, but I am not worried about any of that today. I am just doing the MRI and resting. I will try to return to the hustle and bustle of my life tomorrow but today I am not doing anything. I have leftover pizza and cookies so I don't have to worry about food. I might make my bed so I can rest in it more comfortably but we'll see.

I told myself I'd call my mom at 8am but it is already 8:18... I feel even though I am not hurrying around time is going by so quickly.

I kind of want to message Sebastian but I feel like... I shouldn't hover around him too much. He is a kind guy, a children's therapist, sweet, nice, attentive. If I reach out to him he won't be mean, but it doesn't mean I should take advantage of his generosity.

Even though we were physically together I didn't see us as really romantic, even though everything we did was exactly that. The emotions in my heart were more of softness and relief. I feel we both needed it and I am so glad it went well between us. I sort of miss the moments we had together and I will take those with me while I am in the MRI machine.

I didn't really lust over his body but relished in it. We really did just melt into each other. It felt so soft and tender.. Everything was so good. I do feel a bit bad about letting him raw dog me because, I technically have an STD and I might've given it to him. I really hope not, I am hoping that since his dick was on the small side, it didn't go deep into where my cervix is and get infected with whatever was going on there.

I thought about like in the future, if he takes a test and finds out, he'll probably be mad at me but I figure, even though this is a lie, I will blame Bobby and be apologetic. I know that isn't being honest and quite frankly evil but I feel like it is my only choice.

I am pretty sure either Jimmy or Jahon gave me fucking HPV.. I pray it doesn't go to Sebastian. I know it is kind of selfish but I am glad I got to feel him raw though, skin on skin does feel a lot better. I think he was feeling that way too. He kept pulling out and trying to rub one out and put it back in. I think he just wanted to cum inside me but knew we shouldn't.

I think it will be worth it to get back on birth control just to feel him inside of me like that.

I feel like I am speaking craziness, I mean now I really believe in hormones and shit because that is fucking nonsense right there. I need to get my shit together and get ready for school.