Word of the Day: 優等生

I accidentally drank too much last night and threw up in the shower ( I cleaned it up afterwards but..) It happened because I bought alcohol instead of weed because I didn't have enough for delivery ( your order has to equal 40+ dollars to enable delivery ) and it already got sort of late/passed the delivery window and I didn't want to walk to the store to buy some directly so I thought I could just do that. Big mistake.

I am still thinking about the whole James and the club/class for Japanese. I mean I am really done with it. I am just going to keep to myself and do what is best for me. That's all I can do really. I mean I know I am frustrated but, my time would be better spent actually studying or.. even getting back into a project I have been working on. Or actually studying math more intently as I am barely passing that.

Speaking of that, I need to do my math homework now. I decided to do my Japanese homework first though because it will put me in a better mood and it is easily done. Ah nevermind. My teacher is back at it with the no descriptions in the module so who knows what she is wanting us to do.

Also it sucks because I can't tell my mom what's going on because she'd be like, " You need to be nicer " or something, which is utter bullshit and why she is taken advantage of left and right.

I am listening to the playlist that Brian made me. It is so 80's, I actually like it a lot. I guess before leaving, at least I made one person feel welcomed there. Kind of reminds me of when I quit playing League of Legends. I got so much hate and stuff and people were heckling me, but I played one last game where even the other team said, " Your Soraka(me) is amazing. " and we won by a landslide.

I am having a hard time studying because, I guess all the cans I left out attracted ants and they're casually walking about my table now. I sort of kill the ones that are in my face, which is actually a bit cathartic with all my frustrations right now.

I want to just go back and lay down. Not because I am tired physically. I actually feel pretty good despite having puked last night. But I am just mentally tired. I think also the thing with Reo weighs on me... but not as much because we are actually talking so much more. I even fell asleep on the call last night with him. I woke up like 15 min later and ended the call properly but, he is sort of like my only comfort right now.

An old friend of mine Zack reached out to hook up or something but, I don't even want that. It is crazy how popular become once you're taken.

I sort of wasted more time laying in bed. I have this weird tingling feeling in my foot that is sort of bothering me and prevented me from studying, I guess I was like " Maybe if I take a nap it will go away." But it is still there. Like, it is only when I step on it in a weird way but for the fact it is randomly triggered doesn't let me relax.

I know I am just being sensitive but, I really need to cater to my mental health right now.