Word of the Day: 立場

I.. started talking about that guy in the tarot card discord. I am.. well I don't feel ashamed but I need to actually figure out if this is any good to continue to do, and if I am thinking about it, deep down I know it isn't.

But really, sitting in math class, I feel that I don't need to think past friday. I'll meet him again friday, and maybe that can be the last time. I don't have to think past that point. My weekend is going to be filled with Math.

We are working our way back to logarithms. I think I can actually study properly, I just need to get in the right mind frame. I have to just make sure that I have Saturday and Sunday for sure. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

When I got home I started texting that guy again. He is willing to come over again tonight. I mean, I am just trying to get it out of my system as quickly as possible, but since we're not very enthusiastic lovers, it makes you crave the person more.

I am not even preparing for him coming over. I gave him a similar task as Sebastian: just a few things at the store.

I hope it will be fine. The tarot card lady says I need to be receptive but that has a few meanings.

I shared with my math class that in German culture, the comma is used similar to a period. I feel like it is... all blurring by right now.

I guess I should prepare for him to come over but I feel like I need to just stick to my Todo-list. Whether there is a man in my life or whether there isn't. That is my stability. I actually feel sort of stupid to wait for him. Oh my god, do I want him to baby me?

I love you.

I am so crazy right now. I am just inviting people willy nilly over. Perhaps if I act super off putting he'll back away. I mean, I don't know. There are a lot worser things but my worry is.. well, I'll just stop using Doordash as often. After today I am probably just going to go to the grocery store. My wallet will thank me for it anyway.

Yea, it is kind of bad that I use my school computer to make Vocal posts. I feel like I should use it more on my Work computer but, I just feel like... I need it where ever I go. It is very much for my mental health, and that trumps all those any day.

Adam Lambert looking guy bailed to me and Ezra Miller started chatting me up to come over. Omg, he is.. a sex god. He was activating so many erogenous zones and shit on me. Like, barely touching my hips gave me violent shivers, like my body was bracing for all of his energy. It was almost too stimulating. He was licking everything on me like some sort of starved wolf. I don't really know anything about him personally other than he has a 5 year old son. I mean, I feel like he was too good at sex not to have children anyway. I am hoping I could meet him regularly.

I still worry he is lying about not being with his baby mama. I really don't want to fuck up any households. That is my thing, I will never openly enter a relationship knowing my man is still tied up somewhere else.