Wonderland called Paris

You wouldn't expect most stories to be based on horror. Not the kind of horror you find yourself renting on DVD, VHS, On Demand, or going to a cinema. No this is the kind of horror you can never escape. The horror based in your own mind. Put on reply and constantly reminding yourself you live in a series of unfortunate events. Each one more heartbreaking tale and troubling as then next. A kind of horror where you prefer the comfort of a nonexistent world like wonderland. Rather then real-life. Why? Because being apart of the everyday society only brings more chaos into your already wearing thin, tight-rope walking world.

Confused? Right now... At this point of the story you should be. If you can relate, I assure you, you have my deepest empathy.

Life today has changed from 5, 10, 20 years ago and so on. We all know that change can lead to progression. But sometimes, change can lead to negative consequences. Circumstances that have an ever lasting effect and damaged scars to remind daily. The constant panic that no matter the situation it will be a disaster. The exhaustion from fighting not only yourself but the outside forces trying to feel some sort of hope that never turns up. But the forces never stop and the battle rages on. That is your normal every day existing routine. When all you want is silence to drown out all the noise.

Now if you think this is your typical sequential story, you would be mistaken. Throughout this experience, you will be bounced around like a drifting thought. Going for event to event when the mind thinks on that particular tragic event. Not all memories are bad, some start off well. Some may seem that they will have positivity shining through. But in all cases, they all have the same outcome. Maybe happily ever afters don't exist. Defeat of the light. Each memory with its own scar and tear dropped wound.

If you are not up for this wonderland ride... Jump off now, for it's about to begin.

First impacting scar... The one I will never forget that changed me as a person. One that I knew that I would always have a lingering effect on my soul.

I was about 3 years old. Living on Mercer Island, in Washington State. Have to say loved the area, the people, everything that Washington stood for. It was my vibe even at such a young age. But As I was being walked home from a friends house after their birthday party. I was cornered by a Chow. It bit me in the face? I will never know why the animal attacked me. But I did know that I loved animals and that I could not see one be harmed for doing something that could have been prevented by the owners. I was rushed to my house, then taken to the ER where I needed several stitches across my nose and chin and cheek. Luckily the doctor who put them in was very nice and did a terrific job for he warned that there may be scars left, but the wounds on the outside healed and left very minimal markings on my face. But the dog even though fighting so hard had gotten put down by the owners. For I guess that was not the first time that had happened to someone where the dog lashed out. But It still felt to me like it was my fault in some way. Maybe if the dog had been inside that day or if they had a fence around their property. Someway to make sure that everyone was protected. For I knew the dog was only doing what it felt it had to, what it was raised to do and going on natural instinct. But to me... A life had ended. And so the start of all the negative events started occurring.

For you see animals as well as people, plants and insects... They are all living. And If we all support one another and try our best to take care and do our part to help one another progress, then why is there a need for harm and cruelty in the world. Random thoughts that ponder.

Next bad news had come. My grandfather had taken ill and the family would be moving from Washington to Maine. I was not excited about this and have repeated it every day since the day we left. I was being ripped away from all that I knew. Everything that brought me joy. Did not want the change and couldn't understand why it had to be a move when it could have just been a visit? But the explanation kept the same. My parents wanted to be closer to their family to help take care of their parents in their older age. But it was the saying goodbye to all I knew at 5 years old that ripped me to pieces.

But moving did have its advantages. I met some new people. I became very close with my family members. They were all a lot older and were the ones looking after us kids after school that first year while my parents worked constantly. But like all good things. It wasn't long before even that happiness came to an end. Both my grandfathers passed away within months of each other. No time to process the loss. But I was already putting up walls. I could feel that those who you get close to always leave. But at that age, there were still a couple of people in my life that I considered a bonding link. Family.

We moved a year after that. Going into my Second Grade year. When the day before school started, our house burnt down and we lost it all. Everything I ever owned. Everything again that I cherished. Now ashes. Memories on photographs. Furniture my grandfather had given me. Links to my history that were ripped away. I was beginning to think I was cursed. But as a young kid you have the light to shine and wish upon those shooting stars at night. Dream little dreams and hope that one day they will come true. The sincerest of all optimist are in the child's eyes.

But we were learning that set backs in life make you stronger and we rebuild. Started new and kept pushing on. Family members were now passing at a rapid rate. At least 2 a year sometimes more. Death was becoming a friend. Not the friend that I would have chosen but a friend where I felt like I was never alone.

For when you die... where do you go? Where would you choose to go? Is it predestined? It is the factors and paths you have chosen throughout your life that they scale? Is it possible that you wandering in limbo? Is heaven or hell even place? Because hell seems more like a state of mind... and sometimes even then it can seem like a vacation, and heaven seems like this fantasy that is too good to be true. I grew up having a good faith system, but years and unanswered questions, and life experiences had broken that faith. Though I know that if you still have hope and a strong belief, cling tight. I will not persuade you. It is something everyone needs, most have. But most are also lucky enough not to have a story like this either.

Now like I have mentioned earlier, this is a series.... We have only touched the surface of what is yet to come. I hope that this had inspired you to keep reading and looking forward to what is to come next. Because unlike the softness I kept for the beginning, it only gets more in-depth as the story keep going. More sorrow, more tears, more heart-breaking adventures that never end well.