Wildflower

She never thought she'd be here in this situation, tangled in the quiet chaos of her own heart. It started so simply – laughter shared through stupid jokes, conversations which stretched out until midnight, and the effortless ease in which you find someone who feels like home. But then, everything changed. A soft ache lurking in the silence between texts and the gentle brush of his arms against hers. She told herself that it was nothing, that she was overthinking it again, chasing after the sun on the horizon. Yet her heart refused to listen no matter how hard she tried to drown it away. It whispered things she wasn’t ready to hear and face head on. She wanted to believe she could keep this locked away, pretending it didn’t exist, neglect it, but every time he smiled at her like that—like she was the only person in the room—the walls she’d built trembled just a little more.

Each time she saw him in the corridor, she wanted to call out his name but some sort of tension instead weighed her down. She shook her head, telling her that this was wrong, that this was just the way friendships worked. Instead, she walked away drowning in melancholy. She was lost, unsure, and maybe doubtful. Her heart rumbles with a desolate feeling, loud and clear just like the grey sky above. As if the heavens began weeping for her, she felt her eyes sting with that familiar liquid again, eventually rolling down her cheeks. Slightly parting her chapped lips, she felt the salty taste of her tears. Each breath became long and slow as if drawing another one was a struggle. She shook her head and harshly wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand. “Snap out of it.” She stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes swollen, her lip tint smudged, and her cheeks flushed red. Inhaling deeply, she tried her best to shake these thoughts away, getting herself to remain that calm and composed state. As she walked out of the bathroom, she heard footsteps slowly approaching her, eventually calling out her name. Her heart was pounding, shame creeping up her face as she realised that familiar voice. Picking up her pace, all she did was walk briskly away from him, away from the thoughts which consumed her, but he had to chase after her as if he knew that something was wrong. “Hey I was calling you–” He paused, expression softening as he noticed her current state. “Are you alright?” He gently asked, holding her trembling hands in his. “Yeah, just been stressed lately.” A sense of untruthfulness escaped her mouth as he continued looking at her, full of consideration and concern. She stayed quiet, not wanting to tell him about it, yet he was there, ready to listen. The silence between them was tense, no words were spoken but the atmosphere was loud enough for it to speak for itself. The rain continued to cascade, the cold air carrying them along as beads of water fell onto their hair.

Feeling the desperation to let out all her emotions, she just couldn't do so, and maybe the sky did it instead. Pouring harshly, thunder booming throughout the world as if it was expressing the mourning she had kept to herself all this time.

Dragging her legs across the pavement, she was in a daze, letting her stream of consciousness lead her home. Stumbling upon a crack, she fell down, scraping her knees. Bright red crimson began to trickle down, a painful yet familiar sting caused her to remain there, cold and alone on the pavement floor. It reminded her of that time she fell down the stairs. Even throughout that rough moment, he was there, right by her side. He was always there, to help her, to comfort her and to share even those painful times together and yet it never meant more. At this moment, she desperately wished that he was there, to help her up, to wipe her tears and pull her close, so that their hearts would meet as he told her that everything was going to be alright. She wanted that. Instead, bright hues of colours piqued her interest as she slowly turned her head to face the direction of the small wildflowers beside her. It made her feel all weird again, just because it reminded her of something, so many colours, but not enough to capture the joy he emits as he blossomed each time they talked together.

She hadn’t meant to notice him like that. Not at first.

The wildflowers were tangled in the overgrown field, their petals bruised by the wind, yet somehow defiant—a quiet, stubborn beauty. It hit her then, sudden and certain, like a thread pulling tightly in her chest. She wanted to tell him, to say something real, but the words stuck like thorns in her throat. The fear came quick and sharp—what if saying it out loud broke the fragile, unspoken thing between them? What if he didn’t feel it too?

Finally standing back up, she softly whispered to the flowers beneath her, a phrase she never expected herself to bring up to say, but each bud reminded her of him in every way

“i love you…”

She walked away, looking back at the wildflowers, as if they could anchor her. They swayed in the breeze, unafraid of the open sky, and she envied them for that.

“may flowers grow, even in the saddest parts of you”