Why is it so so hard to keep focused for the entirety of project?

From childhood I can remember every teacher I had always telling my mother “Bret has trouble paying attention in class”. The dreaded words, and no matter how hard I tried it just felt completely beyond my control.

I was a C student during all my younger years, later on in high school I was finally able to achieve some A’s. Actually for some reason in the 6th grade I was able to have all A’s but that was the only time that I can remember. I think it was the way my 6th grade teacher tought, for some reason it just worked for me that year.

My GPA in college was near 4.0 but this seemed alittle easier for some reason. So long as I could take notes I could always memorize and pass my tests; However if my teacher ever said the words “ Read chapters 4 5 and 6 for tomorrows test” I knew I was in trouble. For some reason I could just not remember what I was reading in text, I just couldnt encode the information. It was a nightmare and I have struggled with it to this very day.

Im 57 years old now and still have extream difficulty completing all but the most simple tasks. Its not from lack of effort, when its important I manage to get it done but it seems to nearly kill me. I try so hard it feels as though my brain is going to explode. Its frustrating seeing how others do it with ease. Ive always been so envious of this. Why cant I just be normal like everybody else?

My wife of 25 years who just died of cancer in 2021 had simular problems but different, we were in business together so it was important to keep things straight. I would get so frustrated with her, “honey focus or its going to cost us” were words I was used to saying. And bless her soul it did cost us. She was an intelligent women, if it not for this problem that we both had we would have went far and did big things. Its kind of a sad story because we both really wanted to excell and did in many ways but we always had this thing that hindered our progress.

Now she is gone and in some ways it is easier because I only have to deal with my own distraction rather then both of ours, but in other ways its much harded because Im alone and lost my little helper.

Over the last 6 or 7 years I have struggled trying to figure out a way of earning an income online. I wrote a kindle book, had a shopify store, did drop shipping, affiliate marketing, on and on, have paid for course after course from these wonderful Guru’s who have promised the moon and stars. Still nothing has worked, I have small successes but nothing sustainable. I havent given up yet, I feel like I just have too much time and effort involved to give up now. Its hard to swallow at times though because to me my life just feels like a series of failures, kinda like I have some dreaded curse that just wont release me. I just cant quite put it into words IT JUST PISSES ME OFF!!!! So I just go on and pray that something breaks loose and works before I have a stroke from trying.