Why I Will Never Have Roommates Again

There are many reasons I refuse to live with other people. Most involve some minor inconveniences that feel like massive hurricanes of pain. This was not one of those times.

I was in university and living with 5 other people. 6 girls, 2 bathrooms; it was interesting every day. Not the good kind of interesting. Specifically there was one roommate, we'll call Dana. There are many things that could be said about Dana. She was mostly an absent roommate, which is the best sort, but she really kept an odd schedule due to a long-distance boyfriend. He lived about an hour or two away, and they had a relationship that can only be described as completely toxic. You could hear her screaming on the phone from the front door, before you had even entered the house. Not to mention she was absent because sometimes she felt like fighting in person and would drive 2 hours in the middle of the night to scream. Her favourite times were when we all went away for various reasons, as she would have the run of the house without worrying about texts from the rest of us to 'pretty please, just for this once, so sorry for asking' keep quiet. There was one weekend that messed up her plans with her boyfriend, as I was staying and she had no idea.

It was a Friday night in October, chilly out as we were definitely deep into sweater weather season. I was upstairs studying and prepping for volunteering the next morning, casually messaging the roommates I was friends with. Basic Friday night activities. A few times I hear shouting and realize her boyfriend is actually in the house. I purposely stay quiet and out of the way as I do not want to get involved. Soon all sounds cease as they have headed out into the jungle that is university nightlife. Around 1am I realize I had not tidied the kitchen as I had promised one of my roommates. I would be leaving early the next morning and she would be back that afternoon, so I made the decision to clean up right then. I nearly finished my tasks when the two came barrelling back into the house and downstairs. No one even noticed I was there, so I quickly began unloading the dishwasher to make my escape from the common spaces.

I could occasionally hear the sounds of objects hitting the walls and the occasional shout, but they were pretty tame. I made a lot of assumptions that night, and one was assuming they were drunk and just gonna pass out. Well they were drunk. I'm just stacking plates when the voices reach shrieking levels and, THUMP THUMP THUMP, SLAM! Boyfriend has left the building. Again, he didn't see me and I was clearly not hiding. No longer the 30 seconds later I hear more thumping and I know she is running after him. As I turn to face her I am greeted with the sight of my roommates naked ass as the door slams behind her. Out into the cool Fall night, naked as the day she was born. I will admit I was shocked and as a responsible adult I immediately scurried back to my room and called my roommates to tell them what I had witnessed. Not my proudest moment but I blame it on the shock.

After 15 minutes of shocked whispering to my roommates who had missed the action, the door slammed. when I peeked my head out I caught another eyeful, and within seconds she was out again. From what I can tell she grabbed shoes. That was it. Completely naked and our unfinished driveway was what sent her inside. And then she was gone and didn't come back until I was asleep.

I never told her I saw her naked and frothing at the mouth in some kind of rage. At first I was too embarrassed but after time passed there was no way to let her know, and I decided that was a conversation I would prefer to never have. I saw her less and less as we lived together, and after moving out I didn't see her again. Maybe that's for the best.

And that is a huge reason why I will never have roommates again. That and the sugar baby scams, hairpin trigger mood swings, constant crying, and just general theft.