when one met one

Certain things are better left unspoken , ' he said ' , with saying nothing at all . You must be wondering , ' who is he ' ? Wait , Wait , what's the hurry..

It was January , morning , he was late for school as usual , unaware of turn his life was going to take . The problem actually wasn't the turn , the problem was that he didn't know how to act accordingly . Anyways , he (one of an intelligent student of all time who everyone knew about ,but he knew no one ) went into school and found that tutor made all the classmates sit according to the first letter of their names. It made none difference to him as he used to care a damn about stuff like this and like I said , didn't know about anyone . Hold on , the reason behind him being so an introvert is his sexuality. Yep....!!! , you heard me. So, he initiated sitting with this person who he used to hate a lot and have conflicts with every single day.

Wait , don't even think that they are gonna fall in love with each other. This ain't a love story, however , more like a catastrophe tragedy. Having said that , he didn't even get a chance to realize that he was at war with his own self. Also, he didn't realize how those fights ,that hatred and solitude signed themselves into infatuation . And , yes , he fell into ,' so called ' , love. Hey , remember , I said , they are not gonna fall in love with each other , I didn't say that one of them would later though. Yes , it was one- sided . Sucks!! right. Well, it was just the beginning. No, no, nope , don't think anything.

life hadn't happened yet....!!!

he became serious about the person as years rolled by. Time was about to show itself up to him the way he never ever imagined. First thing first , he got over that person after sobbing bitterly (sitting in a corner of his room locked ), begged for having it in his life to God every time he prayed with tears in his eyes , chaos in his mind and an endless pain in his broken heart over the years. He failed . He failed in everything , he failed to express his feeling because he was scared to death of outcome , he failed as brother , he failed as son , he failed as friend.. oh !!! , he couldn't afford to fail as a friend since he never had one, but , definitely, he failed as a person . And , now , he was dinosaur!!!. Funny right...., actually , yea, his life had become a joke .

He who used to top in school passed through on points , he who used to preach other to face trouble ahead of them by being stronger , stood remain still when a terrific hurricane was literally fading his mere rainbow away , he who was reason of smile to couple of faces brought ton of disgrace to himself. The time when he should have been begun to blossom , couldn't refrain himself to ebb , to turn into ashes through flames and to get soaked through light of darkness as he found a colossal truth ever about himself.

Here you go...!!

The school he used to go wasn't co-ed , which means the person he had feeling for was a guy too.

The war had commenced between him and only him. Soon , he got surrounded by depression (literally took an year to get himself out of since there was no one to assist him out and he tried to took his life meanwhile , but something held him back) and thoughts of criticism like what would happen if he comes out to anyone . No one can ever relate to the pain that one ever suffers alone until or unless you were there with them when they were dealing to survive. But , he , he was all alone. Alone with his only truth , disappointments and himself. There was no longer any silver lining to his dark cloud as the thought of even thinking about who he is , used to terrify him to death , drowned him into an ocean's depths far away from the sound of hope just like a gigantic swamp swallows someone's intense profundity of will.

It was the time for him to accept himself as he is. But , he , instead, denied.

Kept denying...!!!

How long can you hide the truth??? It has to come out sooner or later. And , then , you have to accept it . you can't run away from something which is part of you. But , he , he literally wanted to fled away . May be , he had already accepted himself .But, this last sentence includes if , somehow, if he wasn't raised within a religious family who consider it's a sin for being not a heterosexual , if he hadn't nurtured with infinite love of his family that he wouldn't have even thought twice before telling them about who he was even if it severs the ties between them . if he didn't care about them because it was easy to arrange a meeting with death for real than living like dead but inhaling breaths. For a moment , he thought it was his reality , it was only his truth he was living with , why he should even give it a thought to disclose it to someone else. But , this isn't how life works. when you truly love people , you can hide nothing from them... nothing !!!!! And , also , life has kept something else for his life.

One day , his mother saw him watching movie named God's own country. she was about to find it out on her own , not because he wanted her to. However , he convinced her that it was just a movie and he didn't know that it belongs to LGBTQ+. And guess what, she was convinced. That day , he nearly died . Watching her mother reacting to it the way she did , scattered him into pieces since he was already broken.

He cried....!!! he cried his heart out. He screamed his lungs out. He beat the shit out of himself. He slapped himself. And, kept crying. it ripped his heart off his chest. Then , he screamed again out loud with pain. But , this time he was saying something. He, standing on the edge of a hill , he was screaming through the sound of wind and thunders in the clouds , was saying that yes , he is what he is , yes , he is not straight , yes, he is GAY.

But there was no one around him to hear expect the newly fresh air of reality , the rain of truth and the conspiracy of universe to reunite him with himself. And, he , finally , accepted himself. With every breath , with every single beat that his heart could feel and with each and every fiber of his being , yes , he eventually had accepted himself , his sexuality and his reality. He has approved himself being gay.

Remember , I said, the life has kept something else for everyone ,so did it for him.

What if his family found this precious secret of him? 'he thought'!!!

And , he decide , he would rather die . But who knew , it also could be true.

He used to say that somethings are better left unsaid because sometimes when we say them out loud , they can come true. And they did...!!!

He couldn't live any longer hiding it from his family and he couldn't tell them either. He had to choose one.

And he chose...!!!

He gathered the courage to tell his parents with the tiny bottle of poison drops in it in his hands behind his back since he knew they would either kill him or abandon him. And , he didn't ever want his family to do something wrong that they might regret later of.

He was about to say those three magical worlds to his family that 'HE IS GAY'. And , looking at their faces , he neither could gather the courage to come out nor he could swallow those venom's drops that can have been quench his polydipsia forever.

he still was at war with his own self. The war that hadn't ended yet.

Like they say , it was just the beginning of end .

he knew , he could never afford to live any longer without the love of his family. His parents was literally God to him. Also, he couldn't reveal his truth. In both situations, he would be killed , he thought .

he was done with struggle. he was fed up with being someone else in his whole entire life. he wanted to live just a day being the true self of him. And , he couldn't figure any other way out to live being him , but dead.

What else could he possibly do? no one understood him. No one was there for him.

he is dead. But , he will always remain and stay in my heart. I can never forget about him . I will always keep him with me , even after death .

You must be wondering that who is writing this all if he's dead.

well, if you think that i am one of his parent, then , i'm extremely glad to tell you that i am not .

I am the same boy he had feelings for. The one he used to hate to great extent , the one he used to fight a lot with.

I am his love and so he is mine. he came to me before that day was about to be the last one for him. he was not coward. he expressed his feelings to me and was about to be lost into the darkness of the world that exists on the other side. But, i didn't let him. I grabbed him into my arms , kissed him with love and held him for life long.

He was not apparently the only one who didn't realize those fights and hatred turning into love. I also didn't realize at first. But , i am damn sure that i was the one who fell in love with him first and spent rest of the time waiting for him to feel the same way too.

Yes , he died . But , he died for the world . he and I moved to Canada after six months . And , now , we are both happy with each other . Our love always gets much. He found true love and so did i.

We visit his country to see his family every year. They are not aware of us. And , we don't want to tell them either.

We are living happily ever after.

Anonymously yours...!!!