Traumatic Childhood Memories

( Sorry for the delay, had a power outage and was feeling unwell. )

For today's entry in this series I will be discussing the friend my biological father had in my youth. Just by that sentence alone you might be able to guess away at this entry. Allow me to retell one of my most awful memories. I will exclude the details that are not required. All I can say to begin this story off with is that after this moment in my life where I was young, helpless, and in need of protection . . . my own father shunned me away in favor of a backstabber.

I remember being very little, we had a house with a shed-like house to the left of it. That is where my father's abomination of a friend lived (we'll call him Tony). I have fractions of memories when it comes to Tony and honestly its probably for the best. My young self would always play around outside not minding Tony at first, he'd be minding his business as per usual. He was only supposed to be staying with us until he could get back up on his own two feet. As the days progressed and he seemed to just stay and make the shed his home I grew a little anxious. I grew uncomfortable and started going outside a little less by myself, because I started noticing that he'd just be standing around with his hands in his jean pockets staring at me. I'd only go out when my mother was around, father would be out doing whatever with his father or sometimes Tony. But I noticed I wasn't the only one starting to get uncomfortable. My younger sister, older brother, grandmother, grandfather, and my own mother were all starting to get unsupportable of his stay. I wouldn't doubt it if my younger sister who was almost a year old was getting uneasy about it too.

One day, my sister and I were playing around in the backyard with our mother who was seated watching us with my other sister in her arms. My older brother was down at our grandparents house playing his PlayStation two and driving his grandfather's camouflaged golf cart. My mother had to step inside to change my sister's diaper real quick and refill her bottle. She told us to be careful and to step back inside if anything happened. We were definitely cautious, but still managed to have fun. Not long after she left, we heard the screen door to the shed creak open which alarmed us suddenly out of our playtime. As we both looked in the direction of the door, he was already halfway toward us. We of course didn't want to be rude or let him know we were uneasy, so we stood there side-by-side.

He spoke to us and I just remember feeling so sick and light-headed that I was literally becoming sick to my stomach just by being in his presence. As he was speaking, telling us how beautiful we were he placed a hand on my right shoulder. He was constantly complementing our good looks and behavior as he then reached out to stroke my sister's hair. That is when I quickly, but gently pushed her out of his way and excused ourselves to go back inside. Tony most definitely didn't looked pleased, but as my father called Tony over from a distance (he was returning home with my grandfather's golf cart, my brother, and my grandfather himself) there wasn't anything he could do. My father was in eye-sight of Tony and us if he were to try anything else. I will quickly state that my father admired Tony to no end, he just thought this stranger was an angel in disguise for some reason. He called Tony "Dad" sometimes in front of his parents and his own family. I think anyone can imagine how demeaning that was to my father's own parents.

My father didn't even pay for the land his house lived on, he didn't pay for the bills in that wretched place either. If it wasn't for my aunt and grandmother (my father's mother and sister) being there for his every whim and wish, he wouldn't be able to stand on his own two feet. My grandmother, grandfather, and aunt were the ones paving the way for my father and Tony to live. Sometimes whenever Tony needed money he would simply ask my father knowing that he was living off his parent's money. When my grandmother found out what he was doing with the money, (just handing it away to someone who doesn't have a job and lives on their property) she brought it to my father's attention to only be told to mind her business. She told it to her husband about where the money was actually going and she was blamed for it. My grandfather blamed her for being "stupid" and handing him money knowing that the "sleazebag" lived there.

Anyway, back to main topic . . . I went back inside with my sister so we could discuss the events that had taken place and how uncomfortable we were with it. She had taken the issue to my father later that night and had even expressed her own concerns for the family. He brushed it off as that he was just trying to get closer to us and wanted to be nice to us. My sister, mother, and I kept distance and careful watch of each other as well as keeping a close eye on Tony. Even though we had done so, Tony had ways of getting us at the right moment. When he got us unsupervised by our mother, he'd place his hands on our thighs, shoulders, arms, or even our rear-ends. I know of a few times where his hand sometimes threatened to go a little up my thigh, but he'd bring his hand down towards my knee again. Whenever any instances like these would happen, we'd constantly go to our mother who'd plead with my father.

I remember the only time I went to my father directly about an instance where Tony attempted something that brought me to absolute tears. My own biological father who I had once loved and trusted with my all simply looked at me. He stared at me with eyes of disbelief and proceeded to gaslight me into the issue not existing, as if it had not taken moments before I came for aid. I absolutely lost every feeling I had towards him that day. I just couldn't fathom that he didn't believe his own daughter who was in tears for some sort of solution to her gut-wrenching problem. One time my grandmother had caught him placing hands on us and called him out for it in broad daylight. She was determined to take care of it. Despite herself being a handful of a person, I have to admit that at least she knows was is not socially/societally acceptable and what is plan out wrong in the first place.

However, even when she had pointed this out my father had stood by this stranger's side saying that we were in the wrong. He told us that we were all basically being delusional. At that point, everyone kept distance from the man and my grandparents told my father that Tony was his own problem to handle. A few years later after Tony had left, I had discovered unsettling news about all my grandmother, mother, and older brother knew about the man in their own experiences. As it turns out, he used to beat my brother and used my mother for his pleasures. When my mother told my father about what his "friend" did to her twice, he'd always say it didn't happen and that he didn't believe her. My mother told me that he also poisoned his own dog and burned his own house down with the dog inside. Apparently not to long after meeting my father and finding out how he was able to pay for all his needs, he too decided that he'd hop onto this little "family payment plan" my father was on. He burned down his own house just to live with us basically for free. He was a squatter my father knew about and just welcomed him to his new home.

My grandmother told me of how my father had just forgot about his own parents unless he needed money, whether it was for his own use or to hand out to Tony. She told me of how heartbreaking the situation was for her and her husband. One of the most interesting facts I found though, was the fact that he had gone to court to try and takeover the property. He had gone and said that he had lived there for years before my father even got there and had wanted him and his family removed. He has showed papers of his "payments" towards or on the property. Needless to say they were false documentation because it wasn't his payments or money. If it wasn't for my grandmother finding proof that it was her family's property I don't know where I'd be now. I heard years ago that he had passed away either due to old age or illness. I must admit that I was relieved to hear that but at the same time I wonder if that makes me a bad person?