To the woman who brought me safely into this world

To the woman who brought me safely into this world,

I’ve decided to write this to you as a reminder of what has happened and what will happen. In our lives we have lived, we have lost, we have loved, we have missed. We have hurt, we have trusted,we have made mistakes. But most importantly we have learnt. There are times where we don’t see eye to eye on things because as human beings we are all opinionated. But your love helps to shape the nation as you shape each born child that comes within your care. Your patience has made me the person I am today and blessed is an understatement.

A secret that weighs heavily on my heart and mind is that I’m counting the years I have left in this mortal life.

At 10 years old I was diagnosed with Rheumatic Fever. I was told that I would never be able to play sports again, yet I was very talented when it came to Netball and Basketball. You trained my mind to tell myself I wasn’t a sickling that would have limitations, but that this heart condition was an opportunity to show the world my greatness! And today I stand here 10 years later playing the sports I enjoy. I stand as a graduate of secondary school, A Scholarship student at the University of Auckalnd, I stand as a Events manager of the Otara Papatoetoe Youth Council, but most importantly I stand as a proud daughter to you my dear mother!

However, I keep a lot of the pain that I suffer to myself. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep knowing how much you sacrifice just so our family could survive. So many sleepless nights trying to calm a crying baby, a sick child or trying to finish some homework for the business degree you’re trying to complete. At the same time you work full time to be our financial provider. Always present when I needed emotional and physical support. And that is why sometimes I rather suffer in silence to give you space to breathe, enjoy our time together and not be another burden on your shoulders. Yes I may be doing well at the moment, but there are still times my body aches, cramps and feels weak. I like to downplay a lot of it by dancing, joking, laughing and having conversations that will put my mind at ease, because I know in the end these are the moments that will count the most when my presence becomes a memory.

I may not have the opportunity to ever be a bride, but I am content with the fact that I’ve been a part of a wedding line that allowed me to experience what it may be like when it’s my turn to be dressed in white. I may not have the opportunity to be a mother, but I have experienced the difficulty that comes with motherhood having to babysit nieces and nephews that are naughty, however, I love them to bits. I may not have the opportunity to give you and dad grand-children but I am at peace with the fact that if they did exsist, I know without a doubt you would love them eternally. You have never failed to try and understand me as a child, teenager and an adult. So if I am given the chance to have a family of my own I would try my best to emulate the attributes that your beautiful soul holds.

I am most envied by those who do not have the opportunity to have a mother who cares, supports and lends a listening ear to what I have to say.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever be half the woman you are! Your ability to muti-task and fulfill all your responsibilities all at once amazes me all the time! I have never been an easy child to tame, and my independence always scares you, but I promise with the time I have left whether it be 5 or 8 years I will strive to make everyday a memorable one. I am a risk taker and that’s a part of me that also leaves you speechless knowing that I have limitations due to my medical conditions. But you have taught me that I can do anything I put my head into and I believe that 100%!

In the years I have left, I will make sure that I prepare you all for my parting day so everyone is at peace. The heartache of losing a loved one is sometimes too much to bear. I do not want to be selfish and bring children into this world to experience such sorrow. As well as fall in love with a man who will then become a widow. Therefore, I will live each day more vigorously and try to leave my legacy for others to follow or hear of. I will live in a way I want to be remembered. Live my life taking risks, being integritable, serving my fellowmen and being a dancing queen.

In my last week of living I promise to give you this letter! May this letter bring nothing but peace and joy into your life. Be proud that this daughter of yours lived her life trying to reflect that amazing woman you are. Shed tears that you miss my presence but find joy in the fact that you were the reason I was given this gift of precious life to experience for all the years I’ve lived. Go on living with the children that are still present and continue to love, lecture and bake. Keep doing all the things you love doing!

You are strong because you have been weak. You are fearless because you have been afraid. You are wise because you have been foolish. You taught me to Turn doubt into faith, Turn trouble into courage, Turn disappointment into cheerfulness, and Turn triumph into humility.

Thank you for teaching me that life is too short to live with regrets. Hope is the little voice that whispers maybe when all else is against you. Peace is its own reward. Courage is doing what you are afraid of. So don’t let your past define who you are today. Let go with love, forgive with peace. When I think of a hero I think of you! Love you for eternity!

Love,

Your Daughter