To My Mother: Everything I Never Told You In My Life

There are a lot of things I haven't informed you about. I apologize for taking so long to get everything out, but I hope you can now appreciate the influence you have made on my life. I hope you understand that the woman I am today is solely due to the woman you were, are, and will always be. Because of the wonderful woman who reared me, I am who I am. You are my role model, best friend, shoulder to cry on, favorite cook, and the best mother anyone could ask for.

I'm not sure where to begin because there are so many things I haven't told you. Remember all the times you said "no" to me as a kid? I wanted to express my gratitude. I wanted to express my gratitude for keeping me safe and under your protection. I wanted to express my gratitude for knowing what was best when my mind was too naive and foolish to realize what was best for me. I wanted to express my gratitude for keeping me out of trouble and for not hating me when I did.

Remember how you used to ground me or take away my privileges? I wanted to express my gratitude right now. You taught me that decisions have repercussions and that I should think before speaking and consider before acting. I need to think about the impact of my actions on others. I'm grateful for the evenings I was forced to stay in, and I'm sorry I spent them pouting in my room instead of sitting with you on the couch.

Remember how many times I said I despised you? God, I'm really sorry for that. It kills me now more than ever that I could have said such a thing to the lady who gave me life. I know your goals were always to keep me safe and educate me how to be a wise, responsible, and compassionate lady. I apologize for ever raising my voice and uttering things I swear I didn't intend. I'll never be able to despise you. I've always had nothing but profound affection and respect for you.

Remember all the occasions when some boy broke my heart? I recall you letting me cry in your room while watching Lifetime movies till I stopped crying. Thank you for the countless tissues, for forcing me to eat something, for not asking what occurred, and for listening for hours when I eventually chose to tell you what had happened. Thank you for not passing judgment on me because I'm 13 and believe my life is finished. Thank you for reminding me that it wasn't over when I was 23. Thank you for your encouraging words, the hugs that helped heal many shattered hearts, and for picking up the phone at 2 a.m. when I couldn't take it anymore.

Remember how I used to get worked up about the most insignificant things? When I initially had to go grocery shopping on my own and had a panic attack, or when I didn't know how to prepare rice, I'd phone you. Remember how clueless I was about oil changes and what to do with my first speeding ticket? Remember how I kept my first C from you for months after receiving it in a class? Thank you for not thinking I was insane and for assisting me with everything. Thank you for teaching me the tiny things that helped me get through the day and for showing me what was important while allowing me to forget about what wasn't.

Remember how I couldn't let you go on your first day of kindergarten? Thank you for pushing me out of the nest while allowing me to pretend to be unwell on occasion. Remember when you dropped me off and picked me up at the movies on our first date because neither of us was old enough to drive? Thank you for letting me go and telling me I'd have to go on a few dates before finding the one.

Do you recall my first day of college? I don't believe I ever told you that when you went, I cried. Thank you for being the kind of mother that made me cry because I missed you when you left me in my dorm.There are many things I haven't told you about, but I feel compelled to do so now. I have to tell you that without you, I would not have grown into the powerful woman I am today. Without the respect I feel for you, I would never have learnt to appreciate myself. I would never have learned to care for others if it hadn't been for you. Your voice of reason hangs on my shoulder, instructing me even when you're not with me. I could not have accomplished half of what I have in my life without your help.

I haven't told you how much I appreciate you showing me the world and giving up your time to do so. I haven't informed you that until I was older and heard your story, I didn't comprehend sacrifice. I haven't told you that I had no idea what bravery was until you demonstrated it. I haven't told you that I don't think I could ever be as good as you were to me as a mother. I'm afraid beyond belief that I'll never measure up to you, but I'm confident you'll assist me.

I've told you that I love you, but I'm not sure I've told you enough. I haven't told you enough how important you are to me and why I never give up on my goals. So, as proof of how much you mean to me, here it is. I apologize for not telling you about certain things. But mostly, thank you for being my mother, and know that I will always and forever love you.

FROM MY SISTER TO MY MOM