To Charlie

Your death was something that wasn’t seen coming. The way your life was taken for boldly standing for what you believed in had seared a fear in myself at first. A fear that I didn’t want to face. A fear of speaking up and living boldly for Christ, as you did.

I realized I have not proclaimed myself the best person of one with high value and belief in Christ so profoundly that I practice speaking for the truth. Today, I had to realize I was not in the right most of my life. I didn’t know god so immensely, I had been so far from him that some of the things you said I couldn’t see when you debated with such knowledge and truth, fighting for the righteousness in us all. As I sit here, I have realized that I never believed myself to be one of a godly child. I see things differently, I always thought myself to be different and misunderstood. That is where I found myself to see the gospels in a selfish way. A way that advanced my own selfish desires and not a way that fought for the righteousness that was given to us by Jesus. I think that is where I lost myself. Where I have lost myself is in my mind believing that I’m suppose to be different in order to be seen and valued.

Your voice and following the gospels and what Jesus stood for is the truth. There is no greater way to live life then with living out the purpose of living for what Jesus stood for. He stood for goodness, righteousness, love and forgiveness. It took me many times to get it right. I have to say that your life despite what some believe mattered just as much as anyone does.

I want to thank you for allowing me to open my eyes. I have been talking to about this countless times in many ways. I have blamed my own family and the people I love for the selfishness that lays in me and need to work on. But you Charlie, stood for what was right. You said you cannot fight evil with evil, you can only fight it with good. That stuck to me and is instilled in me forever. So, although I may have done sinful things in my life. It is time for me to fight it with good. I do not want to be the person that carries on evil. I want to be someone who fights for the good in whichever way possible.

Lord, thank you for the realization. For allowing this dark tragedy to spark a light in me and many others. I pray for those who find his death a good thing. I pray for those who see violence as a way to win. I pray that winning is seeing the light in ourselves we so desperately need. I pray for those still living in darkness. Darkness I’ve been through and I’m slowly molding myself into light.

Chalries was not just one who stood boldly, he loved Jesus. And followed his teachings. It is hard to accept the truth. To accept that we all make huge mistakes that can hurt another or even our own soul. That we can allow hate in our hearts without understanding the truth is and will always be in gods hands. That some of us get so lost we commit shameful acts. It is important to realize the good news as well. We have and will be forgiven if we understand the teachings of Jesus and live for his righteousness.