Time Will Pass Anyway

In this modern age, where people moved as if they are chase by some monster, where coffee not being savoured, where people rarely write or read, in the constant move chasing a six inch paper. Believe it or not this constant fast-pace moving is like a virus, where you also infected when you have to turn everything you do into monetization. I notice it, when i went to found a new hobby, occupation or something that will give me purpose for the next 6 months, i kept thinking that atleast in my mind 

"i need to make money out of this."

So i've been suffering from this virus for about 2 years, anything i do, i have to make money out of it. For the last 2 years, i can't enjoy something that i love doing because in the constant need to make money.

Playing a game ? might as well do streaming or make a content.

Drawing? do it for the commission.

Writing a poem ? well, i need to publish or sell it.

And last night, where this virus end, i finally found it. Which i shall tell if you shall attend. The truth is you don't need to that because of burn out or you need to get rich quicker than anybody else. Sure, life is a race and you are fall behind yet trying hard when your mind doesn't want to is the same as starting the car when you have no gas. Well, i want to tell you a couple things i do for you to be able to cure from this horrible disease of " grind era ".

TAKE YOUR TIME

With adulthood, you will experiencing enough heartbreak, responsibility piled up, always on problem and the most annoying things is back hurt though i'm not really complaining into that, what i hate most about adulthood is the constant need to sleep. Time is valuable thing for me and sleeping is waste of time. Back in high school, i can tackle gymnastic, a math test and 3 hours theater activity with only 3 hours a sleep, the best thing is i'd still party with my friend on the weekend.

So, back 4 years ago. i'm still thinking that am 17 with no actual responsibility and push my limit for work, hobby and socializing, to the limit i'm completely paralyzed at hospital. Well, youth, am i right ? Yet still i feel like i didn't get enough money, enough experience, enough friend, like in someone song, i need to go to different city every night. This unfulfilled feeling keep haunting me, that i need to do harder, better, faster but no matter what i do, even when my friend and parents reminding me to take a break and i did a good job with my career and my art, i'd still feel that i didn't do enough.

So, a week ago on Sunday morning, drinking coffee and cleaning up my room, i stumble upon some of my drawing and figure i collect as a kid and man do i really love a dragon back then. in this moment, a clarity i find, everything seems as clean as a diamond, my mind that full of hate, money, grind and the need to be someone, finally calm down, space out on the ceiling, my mind and ear that usually full of voice, now just silence as a ray of sunlight touch my face, i've finally find the answer of my existence, the reason of people are here, the reason im here. Here in this world.

I've realized that i don't need to race my way, making more money, doing something i clearly don't want to, of course i'm not a hypocrite, i'd still need to work, have responsibility. This life is a race but there's no winner, so take your time, if you ran out of gas, push it, take a break, watch the sky, watch other, you still need to push it that's what called obligation but just for a moment, for a while, gaze upon that distance sky and watch other car pass by and see how far you've come.

IT'S THE SOCIAL MEDIA and inflation

Media social is a medium, a tool, a manmade horror, to let us express ourselves and for people meet other people who have the same fetish or just get in the fight with some 30 years old woman on menopause that criticize your drawing. In this modern age people are more engage in social media than in real life, based on my experience when hangout with some people i meet on a convention or its just me who have bad luck meeting them. People nowadays will rather say "Hey, check that meme i send you" when you open it, it's just some fail act of skateboarder with soundboard than say "The other days i was in a mall" procced to tell you the most absurd story that 50/50 between straight out lie or the most hillarious act of someone that i bet will be more sold out ticket than marvel movie.

Then again, i can't blame them for looking entertainment on social media than in real life with inflation and just people circling and gatekeeping epidemic. Especially in my country Indonesia, is weirdly expensive and hard to join a hobby or some sort of community. Allow me to explain :

Weirdly Expensive

Hobby are not expensive because it depends on what you are willing to give, to spend, for the thing that make you happy yet hear me for a second. As people in their 20's looking for activity to spend their free time to avoid having existential crisis, FOMO or burnout from a job that doesn't suit their passion, people are looking for activity that suit their free time and able to master it, sound fun and impressing, doesn't draining their bank account and reignite that sense of light in their eye. Yet if you look closely there's nothing much to meet that criteria.

Games is always upgrading every year and more expensive to buy whether is subscription or their hardware is outdated. Painting cost a lot of course, writing is a better choice yet require your sanity and if your writing doesn't get recognize it will burn you out. It's get worse if you explore even more hobby, skateboard take 10% of salary, cosplaying take 20% if you are really want the detail, motorcycle take half of it and this even if you get paid the minimum wage and doesn't need to pay rent or contributing to the family as Asian family does.

Gatekeeping and circle 

So i'm confident to say this because i kind of explore 10 different hobby or yeah something i need to obsessed with for another 3-6 month so my life kind have a purpose. So i'm kind of extrovert person when it come for something i enjoy doing, weird and annoying wherever i want to join some community like to talk or explore that hobby, i need to go to inner circle of the group to get a good tips or like to get involved in things. If you are wandering its my own fault for not social enough, you don't even want to see me yapping about my interest are, once i obsessed with something you will hear me talk about it for the time period im obsessed with that, that's also the reason why my partner left me. Last but not least, there's rarely any community that involve online so other can't hear about them or join.

Back to the damn phone that's have been the problem, inflation also tag team, with the work hours equivalent to modern slavery in Southeast Asia that is, rarely people can do with their limited free time beside doomscrolling or playing game that can be pause.

All of this can be avoided or at least reduced with one self, think of it this way, your social media is not your life, social media is a smart way to show how your life is, meme you see on social media? well that's people showing how their life is and the crazy thing is you can be that person. Everything is expensive, everything is not for you to having, that's capitalism gaslighting. Yet you can see people on your meme laughing and just having their fun, all you need to is just take that leap and get off social media, learn new things from the internet, search what quantum physics mean, fail that DIY tutorial, make your life interesting enough to show for social media. Be the meme you always see, Be someone who's rambling about quantum physics while have no idea what it mean either, just be.

Time will pass anyway, wherever it took you 2–3 years to finish your novel, finish that Youtube video you've been editing, find yourself, doesn't matter the time, you will find 'your' people, just don't be boring and said "my hobby is playing game and watch a movie" instead said "ohh my hobby is analyzing the game, like what kind philosophy it is or how detail it is the developer make the character match their personality" learn everything in this vast and boring world, don't worry about being wrong, people also don't have any idea what they are talking about 70% of the time but time will pass anyway, so do it. Time will pass, please do it.