Through a Child’s Eyes

This true story is the one event that changed my life forever. All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved. Reader discretion for language and violence is advised.

The smell of sausage filled my nose as my eyes slowly started opening. I squinted as the bright light of the sun shone through the cabin door. Dane stood outside cooking sausage and eggs on the grill.

“Hey, good morning.”, he said happily as I sat up from the air mattress.

I smiled, waving back to him as I pulled myself up from the floor. The smell of breakfast was delicious and fulfilling. I smiled as I walked outside into the cool morning air.

“Were going to go do something really fun today.”, he said with a giant smile.

I looked over to him with curiosity.

“You’ll see.”, He said, effortlessly flipping one of the eggs.

I looked down at the eggs frying on the grill. My mouth started to water as I watched him stir the sausages across the cast iron plate.

As I waited to be called for breakfast, I began exploring the outside of the cabin. A large van sat outside the front door of the cabin about 10 feet away. Beyond that was a giant field, with a gravel road on the other side. It curved around a bend and disappeared into the hills.

On the other side of the cabin, rocks and trees scattered the large steep hill going up about a hundred feet. I thought about climbing it, and remembered what my mom had told me about rattlesnakes. I shuddered for a moment, walking toward the gravel road that lay in front of the cabin.

Standing at the edge of the road I stared across to the RV on the other side. A man walked out, closing the door behind him. He looked up, giving me a smile and wave as he walked toward me.

“Hey Pate, your breakfast is ready.”, my mom’s voice rang.

I turned, walking back over to the front of the cabin. Dane stood there, holding a plate with two eggs, and four pieces of sausage. My mouth watered again as I took the plate from his hands with a smile.

“Thank you.”, I said, walking back inside the cabin.

I sat at the small table near the front door. My sister sat across from me; egg yolk smeared on her cheek as she gobbled her breakfast down. I giggled for a moment, watching her make a mess. She laughed, then reached over and stole one of my sausages.

“Hey!”, I yelled, grabbing it back from her.

Quickly I put the whole piece in my mouth. She looked at me like I had just killed her dog.

Staring back I shrugged, “Don’t take my food.”.

After finishing my plate, I cleaned up my sister and carried her outside. Dane was talking to the man that lived across the road. My mom stood next to the Blazer smoking a cigarette, as she waited for all of us to be ready. I walked over to her, handing my sister off.

Taking one last drag, she threw her cigarette on the ground, “Get in.”.

She waved her hand, motioning me to the other side of the car. I climbed into the back while she buckled my sister into her carseat. After a few more minutes, Dane climbed into the driver seat.

“Ready?”, he asked, happiness covered his face.

I shook my head nervously, remembering the accident that had happened the last time he drove us. The sound of the engine came to life as I buckled my seat belt.

As we drove down the mountain, I gazed at the beautiful scenery. There were so many trees, the tall grass gently tilted to the side as the breeze swept its way across the fields. My heart was happy, and relaxed. I smiled to myself as I patiently awaited the adventure that I knew was coming.

The car slowed as we came to a turn off on a small dirt road. I looked out the window curiously as we started passing campsites on the left and right.

“Where are we?”, I asked, watching as we passed tent after tent.

My mom let out a small laugh in the front seat, “We’re at the lake, silly.”.

“We get to go swimming?”, I asked, excitement building up inside me.

“Yup.”, stated Dane, a smile filled his face again.

Getting closer to the window, I gazed out, watching for the trees to finally clear. The lake was crystal blue, with a dock that sat a little ways out. I watched as one by one, people took turns jumping from the dock, into the water.

As the Blazer slowed, I looked over to see my grandma sitting with another woman and a boy at a picnic table. She looked over to us and waved as Dane parked.

Pulling off my seatbelt, I threw the door open and jumped out.

“Hey!”, yelled my mom, “You need to wait for us, don't go running off just yet, there are some people I want you to meet first.”.

I shook my head in obedience. Waiting for everyone to climb out of the SUV. Dane walked over, pulling a large blue ice chest out of the back. My mom pulled my sister out, setting her down. She ran over to my grandma, embracing her with a tight hug. My grandmas face lit up as she spoke to my sister.

I watched as she introduced her to the two people sitting at the table. Shyly, I walked over to meet them. My grandma greeted me with a smile.

“Well hey.”, she said, her southern accent still thick as the last time I saw her.

I smirked, giving her a small wave.

“Get over here, you brat.”, she said, smiling as she opened her arms for a hug.

Reluctantly I walked over, giving her a short embrace, and pulling away. Her skin was warm from the sun, and she smelled of tea and whiskey. A boy sat at the table. His long, sandy blonde hair moved in the breeze, brushing his dark tan shoulders. His green eyes locked with mine. Blushing, I quickly looked away.

“This is Brecken, and his mom Annette.”, said my mom, as she walked up to the table, “Brecken, this is Paetyn.”.

He smiled at me. His white teeth gleaned in the sun. I smiled back, blushing again.

“Why don’t you kids go get in that water.”, said my grandma, taking a small sip of her drink.

I looked at her confused, “I dont have a swimsuit.”.

“That's fine.”, spouted my mom, “Just go jump in and have fun.”.

Brecken pushed himself up from the table, pulling off his shirt, “C’mon, I’ll race you to the dock!”.

Butterflies filled my stomach as I followed this cute boy to the edge of the lake. I smiled with excitement as I looked over at him. He laughed, then jumped into the water. I quickly followed in suit, swimming all the way out to the dock.

Climbing up the ladder, a hand reached down to help me up. Grabbing it I pulled, throwing Brecken back into the water. I laughed as I climbed the rest of the way up. He quickly pulled himself back up onto the dock, and pushed me into the lake.

We took turns jumping in for hours, laughing and joking. He was so cute, I didnt want the day to end. The sun started getting lower in the sky. We heard our parents yelling to us from the shore. I looked over to see my mom waving us in while my little sister played on the edge of the lake.

“I really like you.”, Said Brecken, with a smile.

“Me too.”, I said, blushing at him.

“We should hang out again, I’ll tell my mom that we should invite you to our house this summer!”, He exclaimed.

I smiled, nodding my head, “that would be fun!”.

Getting up from the edge of the dock, I jumped into the cool water once more. As I swam to the shore, I could hear Brecken jump in behind me. As I got closer to my mom, at the edge of the water, she looked down at me with a smile.

“Paetyn has a boyfriend.”, she sang, dauntingly.

My smile quickly became a scowl as I climbed out of the water, “No I don’t.”, I stated firmly.

She laughed, picking up my sister from the water. I walked over to the picnic table, sitting next to Brecken’s mom. She smiled at me with gentle eyes.

“Did you have fun?”, she asked.

I shook my head, giving her a meek smile.

“I knew you two would get along.”, she said, still smiling, “with everything your mom has told me about you, I thought it would be nice for you to make a friend up here. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot for only being nine.”.

I looked down at the ground, embarrassed that my mom had told her things.

“We’re gonna need to head out before it gets too late.”, said Dane, walking up.

I looked at him, then stood up from the table.

“C’mon woman.”, He said firmly to my mom.

“He’s drunk.”, whispered Brecken’s mom.

My mom walked up to him with my sister in her arms, “That’s fine, but I’m driving.”.

He gave her a deep glare, and took a swig from his covered mug, “The fuck you will.”, He spat.

“Why dont you calm your knickers.”, replied my grandma, pulling herself up from the table, “Im not scared of you, and you aint gonna talk to my daughter like that, you hear me. You been drinking all day Dane, so let her drive your sorry ass home.”.

She stood there with her hands on her hips, staring him right in the eyes. He looked over at my mom, throwing the keys at her.

“Fuck this shit.”, he yelled.

I jumped at his voice, confused at what was going on. He walked over to the table, throwing the lid to the cooler shut. He thrust it to his chest, carrying it over to the back of the Blazer.

“You gonna be ok, Dana.”, asked my grandma.

“Yeah, he does this shit all the time, it’ll be fine. He’s just had too much beer and not enough water. Im sure he’ll cool it by the time we get back home.”, she said, looking over at him wrestling with the ice chest.

I shook nervously, as I walked toward the car door. The back of the blazer slammed down, making me jump back. Dane walked past me, giving me a quick glance, then climbed into the front passenger seat.

The drive home was intense, and full of hostility. My mom and Dane screamed at each other the whole way. She had been talking to another man at the lake, and Dane was very, very upset about it. My sister slept peacefully the entire way. I wished I could slip out so easily, the way she did. I tried to think of other things, to focus on the trees, and the fields of golden grass.

Between the screaming, and the name calling my thoughts slipped away as quickly as they mounted into my brain. I was stuck in reality.

The Blazer pulled into the dirt driveway, coming to a stop next to the van. The man from across the road started walking over as he saw us pull up. Dane jumped out, walking over to him. My mom pushed her door open, still sitting in her seat.

“Where are you going?”, she yelled to him, as he started walking toward the road.

“Go fuck yourself, you stupid bitch.”, he yelled.

He lifted his arm flipping her off as he walked, then turning back around, he crossed the road over to the RV. My mom let out a heated sigh, flopping her head onto the headrest.

“Can I get out?”, I asked quietly.

“I dont care!”, her voice was radiant with frustration.

I pushed my door open and slowly dropped to the ground. Walking around the car, I opened my sisters door to pull her out.

“Thank you.”, said my mom, as she took a drag of her cigarette.

I watched her slowly breath out the smoke, as a tear fell from her eye.

“Guess I better make you guys some dinner, huh.”, She said, looking over toward Dane and his friend sitting in lawn chairs in the field across the road.

She sat up, pulling herself out of the seat and slamming the door behind her. She threw her cigarette down before unlocking the door to the cabin. The cigarette slowly burned the small patch of grass that sat in the baron dirt driveway. I quickly smothered it with my shoe.

“Why dont you get your pajamas on and help your sister with hers.”, said my mom, as she put a pan on the grill.

I walked into the cabin, quickly changing us both. I sat my sister down in her highchair, and climbed into the chair next to her, awaiting dinner. My mom stood just outside the door at the grill taking turns watching the food, then looking over to the field.

“Is he gonna be mad when he comes back?”, I asked.

She looked over to me, “Probably, or he will get so drunk he wont be able to walk and just pass out in his damn lawn chair.”.

I looked down at the table for a moment, feeling nervous about him coming back. My mom pulled the pan from the grill, turning it off, before walking to the table. She pulled paper bowls from the shelf above us, setting them down in front of each of us.

Tipping the pan, she poured out soup into each of our bowls. Disgust quickly covered my face as I saw what we would be eating for dinner.

“What’s that?”, I asked in horror.

“Lima bean soup.”, she said flatly, “now eat.”.

I took a spoonful, slowly dumping it into my mouth. My tastebuds jittered at the horrible flavor eminating from the soup. I hated it.

“After dinner, I want you and your sister to get into bed.”, Said my mom, as she ate a spoonful of soup.

I devoured the bowl of soup, hoping to get the taste over quickly, “Thank you for dinner.”, I said, getting up from the table.

“Dont worry about Dane ok. He’s just being an asshole, but he does love you kids.”, she said.

Walking over, I sat down on top of the air mattress. I watched the sky begin to darken through the open cabin door. I could hear yelling outside. My mom got up, looking out the cabin door. She let out a deep sigh, resigning back to the table.

“What was that?”, I asked nervously.

“Oh, it's just Dane and his friend hooping and hollering, being drunk.”, She said, shaking her head in disapproval.

“What if he hurts you, mom?”, I asked, worried.

“Pate, I can handle it. It wouldnt be the first time, and sure in the hell wont be the last. He wont hurt you cus I’d kill him. That’s all that matters.”.

I looked down, not wanting her to know I was afraid.

“You just need to lay down, and not worry yourself about it. Let me deal with these issues, ok?”, She said, as she started to clean my sister's messy hands.

She picked her up, placing her on the blow up mattress next to me. I laid back, snuggling up to her, and covering her with my blanket. My mom shut off the light, and walked outside, shutting the door behind her.

My eyes quickly gave in to the heaviness of sleep. I succumbed to my dreams, letting go of my reality of the day.

———————————————-

“What the fuck did you say to me!”

My eyes snapped open. A hard smack echoed through the cabin, and my mom fell to the floor. Dane stood at the end of the wooden bed looking down at my mom. His face was filled with hate. I looked over to the clock on the shelf above the nightstand. 3:02 a.m.

My mom stood back up, “You need to stop doing this!”, she screamed as she pointed her finger into his face.

He lifted his arm again, “Im not going to let you talk to me like that you stupid bitch!”, he yelled, Backhanding her across the face.

She hit the floor again, I let out a small cry. My mom looked over to me, tears in her eyes. Pushing herself back up, she stood up to him again. She stared him right in the eyes, shoving him with force.

“Dont touch me!”, she bellowed.

My sister woke up. Sitting up next to me, she started to cry. I pulled her over to me.

“Its gonna be okay.”, I whispered to her.

I looked back up at Dane. He stared at my mom with dead eyes. My mom glared back. He walked over to the head of the bed, reaching up onto a high shelf. As he pulled his arm back down, terror filled my body.

He lifted his arm, pointing a 9mm pistol at my moms forehead.

“Why dont I just kill you all?”, he said calmly.

My mom stood there unmoving, “Dane please, you dont need to do this. I love you, please, please.”, she begged to him, her eyes filled with tears.

He looked down at us. His eyes softened for a moment. He turned the gun to himself, looking right into my eyes. I was horrified.

“Stop!”, I screamed, my body shook with adrenaline and fear.

He dropped his arm to his side, and started to cry. My mom stood there, looking unsure of what to do. Dane turned and started toward the door, throwing it open.

“What the fuck does it matter anymore?”, he yelled, “what does any of this fucking matter for, huh?”.

He stood in the doorway of the cabin, screaming into the night. My sister pulled away from me, running over to him. She hugged his leg.

“No.”, wailed my mom, reaching out for her.

Dane looked down at my sister wrapped around him. He pointed the gun at my mom as she started walking toward him. She stopped abruptly, terror filled her face as Dane reached down and picked my two year old sister up.

“Please dont hurt my baby!”, cried my mom.

He smiled at my sister, ignoring my mom. I sat motionless on the air mattress, watching the gun in his hand. Calmly, he put her back down. She stood next to him playing, oblivious to the danger.

My mom looked down at me, then back up at Dane, “This is between you and me.”, she said faintly, “Pate, grab your sister and get in the car.”.

Without question, I got up. Walking over to Dane, my body shook uncontrollably. Dane moved to the side as I picked up my sister, and walked out of the cabin door. My mom started trying to talk him down.

I walked over to the Blazer and opened the door, slipping my sister into her carseat. She whimpered as I buckled her.

“Its ok, its ok.”, I said, as my hands shook.

“What the hell is all the commotion over here?”, said Dane’s friend, as he walked up the driveway.

I looked at him with pure fear in my eyes, “he has a gun.”, I whispered.

His eyes grew wide. He walked over next to the van to get a look inside. I shut the door to the blazer, looking back to the cabin. As I started walking to the other side of the SUV, I heard footsteps behind me.

“Dane, DANE!”, cried my mom, “Dane please no, you can't do this!”.

I froze in fear as he walked toward me.

“Dane, what the fuck are you doing?”, bellowed his friend.

There he stood in front of me, close enough to reach out and touch him. My fragile nine year old body was stiff. I looked into his eyes. He looked sad, as he looked down at me.

“I love you.”, he whispered, looking right into my eyes.

He lifted his arm, pointing the gun to his temple.

A single shot rang out through the silent night air. It echoed through the miles of mountain hills. My ears rang, as I stood there. Everything became slow motion as I watched Dane drop lifelessly to the ground in front of me.

“Get the fuck in the car!”, screamed my mom.

I turned around, running up to the door and jumping into the front passenger seat. My body was stiff. My mom cried out, peeling out of the dirt driveway as fast as she could. An immense dust cloud filled the air, as the blazer flew down the side of the mountain.

“Are you ok?”, she yelled, panicked.

I sat silent for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts.

“Pate!”, screamed my mom.

I jumped, “i- is he dea- dead?”, I asked, still shaking.

“I dont know.”, she said, starting to cry again.

We pulled into the valley store with a screeching halt. My mom jumped out, and ran to the payphone. I sat there in my seat, still motionless from what had just happened. I was afraid that he was going to follow us, and kill us.

My mom hung up the phone and walked back over to the car. She reached in, pulling her cigarettes from the middle console.

“The police are on their way. We have to wait here for them so that they can follow us up.”, she said as she tried to light her smoke, “Its going to be a long night.”.

After about fifteen minutes the police pulled into the parking lot. My mom walked over to the police car and spoke to them for a moment before jumping back into the driver seat, and speeding back up the mountain.

As we pulled around the bend and into the view of the cabin, I saw Dane’s friend still standing there. The dim light from the open cabin door illuminated the driveway. Dane laid motionless on the ground.

The police lights flashed behind us, followed by an ambulance. My mom pulled to the side of the road farther up the hill. I unbuckled and started to pull the door handle, as my mom grabbed my arm.

“You stay here.”, she said, still holding me, “Ive got to go talk to them.”.

I slumped back into my seat. She pushed her door open, quickly shutting it behind her as she got out. I watched her as she walked toward the police cars. An officer started walking to her, meeting her just before she got to the driveway. They spoke for a minute before she fell to her knees, hitting the ground.

One of the EMT’s opened the back of the ambulance, while another placed a white sheet over the top of Dane. The cries from my mom echoed through the hills, filling my body with new anxiety.

I watched as they lifted Dane onto a gurney, strapping his body down. Blood quickly stained the white sheet where his head lay. As they loaded him into the back of the ambulance, the police officer walked my mom back to the Blazer.

“Are you sure you are ok to drive, ma’am?”, asked the officer, as my mom climbed back into the driver seat.

“Yeah.”, she replied still sniffling, “I’ve got to go tell his mom, she lives right up the road.”.

He gave her a nod, waiving her off as she pulled away. The silence in the car was deafening. The essence of time had disappeared with so many things running through my head.

We pulled into a small RV park, coming to a stop in front of an old fifth wheel. I looked over to my mom, hopeful that I could go with her.

“Stay here with your sister.”, she stated, softly but firmly.

After only a few minutes of waiting I heard the wails and screams coming from inside the fifth wheel. My mom walked out, the door slamming behind her. I could hear the woman inside, incoherently screaming that this was my moms fault.

Tears streamed down her face, as she climbed back into the SUV once again. She pulled out of the drive and back onto the road. The sun started to peak over the mountains. It was finally morning.

“We have one more thing we need to do, Pate.”, said my mom, lighting another cigarette.

I looked over to her curiously, “Where are we going?”, I asked.

“We gotta run back up to the cabin, before I go to town and call your dad.”, she replied quietly.

“But mom, I dont want to go back.”, dissapointment and fear filled my voice.

“Now is not the time, Paetyn Lynn!”, snapped my mom.

Silence fell over the car once again as we pulled into the driveway of the cabin.

“Get out.”, she said, as she pushed her door open.

I climbed out, letting the warm sun touch my face for a moment. I turned, looking down where Dane fell the night before. Blood filled the dirt, like a dark red mud puddle. I looked up to see my mom carrying two shovels. She handed one to me.

“What are we doing?”, I asked hesitantly.

“We need to bury it.”, she said, walking the shovel into the cabin.

I followed behind, trying to figure out where she was going. She walked into the dirt area of the kitchen. Setting the shovel onto the ground, she jumped up onto it, breaking the earth. I followed in suit.

We walked back out, gently setting the dark earth, over the blood soaked ground. She watched the blood splash, and fell to the ground crying. Silently, I walked back to the kitchen, again and again, filling the puddle with dirt.

As I finished the last scoop, my mom stood up and looked at me, “Thank you.”, she whispered.

She walked back to the car and climbed in. I set the shovel on the ground next to the fresh pile of dirt, then walked over to the passenger side. Looking through the window, my mom tried to give me a smile. It was weak, she looked fragile, and tired.

We drove for miles back to town, the car was quiet. My sister still lay in the back sleeping. My mom chainsmoked the entire time. Lighting one cigarette after the other.

I looked up. A deer stood in the middle of the road.

“Mom!”, I yelled, “watch out!”.

The Blazer came to a screeching halt, just a few feet from hitting the deer. It stood there, the majestic beauty of his huge rack of antlers, and his gleaming fur sparkled in the morning sun. My mom looked over to me then back at the deer. He stood there a moment more, looking right at us, then quietly walked away.

My mom's mouth hung open. Without a word she started driving again.

“That was a sign from god.”, she said, with a faint smile, “you remember that, okay.”.

I nodded my head as we pulled into the gas station at the edge of town. As she parked, she looked over at me, then back at my sister, still peacefully sleeping in the back seat.

“Stay here, okay.”, she said, climbing out of the car.

She walked over to the payphone right in front of where we parked. Picking up the receiver, she looked back at me, then turned away. I rolled down my window, listening for who she was talking to. Giving my sister one last glance, I leaned back into my seat.

Her voice quivered, “Hey Bruce, we need to talk.”.