Three Moments

I feel like there is something I should have been told…

1. I was on a social media site, watching a video related to racism in the USA. I decided to repost it to friends whom I knew would be very interested in the issues covered. I received a very pointed message from a former student. Apparently, I did not set them up with a “trigger warning”. This bothered me, and I made it clear that life did not come with one, I never received one when I was being mistreated over my race, and that the rest of the world did not deserve to be coddled and protected from the true ugliness out there. My correspondent countered with the idea that movies come with ratings, so why can’t I provide a warning much in the same way? Right, the movies… A system of ratings created by the same industry in order to protect their backs from the press and local government (Hollywood is always out for itself; it is a real show business). I really did not know what to say, so I did not say a thing. I just make sure not to share these videos with this student (and should I mention that we are of the same race?)

2. Another social media site – I sense a theme – and another disturbing topic related to race. This time, lynching in America. I was a long-time fan of this particular creator, and was quite baffled by something in this particular video: the images were not banned (you could see plenty of bodies swinging from trees while people below laughed, pointed and took photos that would eventually be sent on postcards and through the U.S. postal system without a fuss)…but the language itself could not be used. When I complained with a comment, I was told that I was the idiot for not realizing that the page had laws against “certain types of language” and that it could not be used. Right. Bad language, no. Ugly images, yes. I stopped my subscription.

3. This one is going to be very difficult to write about. A long-time friend I spoke to over many years decided that she did not want to talk to me after she mentioned there were certain moments in her life she wanted to avoid discussing…even though she kept talking about them every time she texted or spoke to me (I was not allowed to comment on them). Then, she mentioned that she was now on medication because of such trauma. Now, I did not mention the trauma. All I asked her about was the name of the drug. That’s all. No questions about the incident itself. I received a lot of condemnation and comments that I had to write down: a) “I want to hear about joyful things right now” (no problem, but you called me and mentioned your pain, so I responded); and b) “just cos someone shares a summary of things doesn’t mean details are desired to be shared” (well damn my curiosity and lack of interrogation; she contacted me and then wanted to pretend that nothing bad happened). Again, a relationship ended and I feel like I missed a step. Right.

So, there they are. Three incidents.

I know that some of you out there are going to blame me for not being more sensitive to the needs of these people. You may feel that I should have taken their feelings into my deep consideration. Yet, it is hard to do so when I have been dealing with the same people for ages without any sign that I had made a misstep. Your arguments might run as follows:

a) People need protection

b) Some people are not that strong

c) Why provoke?

Well, I feel that I can give my side of the argument without really raising too many hackles.

First, protection…

Protection from what? The truth? I write for Vocal, Reedsy and certain other pages where I feel free to talk about myself, share my stories, poems and ideas, and not have to worry about too many sensitive souls complaining about my scribbles. Those who do not like me will not read me anyway, so why should I tailor my work to suit their limitations? I have never used the Content Warning option…and I never will. If you want to be protected, find a well-enclosed room with no windows, WiFi, or even a door and be prepared for a very dull and pitiful life, just like the boy in the bubble. And remember, he had no choice but to live in that room. You can take a risk that was denied to him. Truth is the best kind of inoculation.

And on to the ones who are not that strong…

I am aware that there are plenty of people out there who are offended by things I say or do, or by things other people say and do, or by what they think the rest of the world says and does. Now, does this mean that we all have to censor ourselves because some people have not had exposure to the same things as we have? Should we dance on proverbial eggshells to keep them happy? As I said, the truth is a form of medication that can be quite painful at first, but provides wonderful side effects and keeps you from succumbing to fear mongers and other exploiters of weak souls. To never be willing to hear what you have not heard will only wreck you in the end.

And finally, provocation…

When someone says to me, “You should not say something,” I can accept that they may have a point. But when people begin to say, “You cannot say something,” I get very angry. This is what I hear: why would you want to make people think? We are all far too safe and coddled with technology and our unwillingness to hear the other side. Technology is often blamed for this, but this was something that was due to hit us one day. I hear and see things all day long that drive me crazy. I often wonder if the lunatics really have the keys to the asylum. And I know that there are obscenities and evil things out there that deserve to be mocked and humiliated. Anyone who has read my page and continues to be a fan will understand that I love satire and taking down certain ideas and nonsense and giving it the middle finger it deserves. To provoke is to provide options. And I will continue to do my job.

Okay, I know that some of you have already decided to “unfollow” me (such a weird sub-Orwellian term) because of what I have written here. That is a fair price to pay for keeping myself honest. If you really feel that the three incidents mentioned at the beginning of this piece make me the bad guy, then more power to you. Unsubscribe and make sure to stay away from me and the writers I admire. Conversation is not possible without acceptance of other ideas and thoughts; thinking becomes very difficult if you continue to second guess yourself; change is nearly impossible.

And if you are a fan, stay tuned. I am sure to piss someone off who deserves the yellow spray of truth.

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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