These Are My Confessions

(Here's my playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL54S-l9whMl6ZuetrDajerZNmOLBDoKrk)

My life is a journey that sometimes I stop believing in, until I hear the ever so soft melodies of Pink Floyd on the radio. The soothing voice of Roger Waters has a way of easing me into the idea of accepting my dark side. If you took one look at me, you’d assume I should be cruising down the street in my 6’4, but I left my "thug" ways on the playground at the age of 13. I was a lonely kid. The kid that everyone knew, but no-one actually knew if you know what I mean. My father left me when I was two, so it’s safe to say ole papa was a rolling stone. The fact that he wasn’t around led to me to sort of idolize women. I’d put them on a pedestal, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Britney Spears was a part of my most toxic of playlists. She was my queen, my escape from the dull reality that I wallowed in when my mother was out with her home girls doing God knows what, and my solace when I could never get lucky with the popular white girls under the bleachers after basketball practice. As I ran up and down the court listening to Lil Bow Wow, I drooled at any opportunity to sneak a glance at any cheerleader that passed by. I grew my hair out for an entire year just to be like Bow Wow. Man, you just don’t know, Lil Bow Wow got all the girls. He wanted to be like Mike, and I wanted to be like Bow. The fact that a 5 foot nothing skinny black kid (like myself at the time) could have girls chasing him down the street screaming his name gave me hope. Sure, I was an attractive kid, but I was shy. It's funny because I was the most athletic, the smartest, and the most likable little fella’ in the 6th grade, but still I didn’t know how to flirt with girls until one of my buddies blessed me with an Usher CD. Yes, you heard me correct, a CD. You know those round discs that you’d stick in the portable CD player on your way to the bus stop? Yeah those. I’m glad I could refresh your memory. Usher made me dig deep inside of myself and bring my deepest darkest confessions to light. Although I had no drop top, at 7 O'Clock on the dot I’d call my best friend Jamie every day on the phone. Her and I would watch "Who’s Line is it Anyway" until it was time for mama to bust in my room screaming to get off the phone because she needed to call Tyrone. Jamie would call me every night, and every night I was oblivious to the fact that she had the biggest crush on me. We never dated, but those 7 O'Clock conversations prepped me for some very successful years with the ladies in high school. Oh, man, High School. What can I say besides the fact I went to four different high schools in two years. Why, you ask? Well, because I was a modern day Annie, but the male version. Every day I’d sit in my room singing tomorrow, oh tomorrow will be the day I come out of my shell and finally talk to the girl of my dreams. It wasn’t until I got involved with theatre arts that I truly came into myself. I found something I was truly good at, and I won all the awards to boot. I’ll never forget in 9th grade, as I performed “ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, the moment I felt like the luckiest cat alive. On my quest I went from listening to Phife Dawg, to singing in “Benjamin and the Technicolor Dream-coat”, and along the way I had found my tribe. I don’t care what anyone has to say, the band kids were the coolest kids in school, and it was my buddy Luke that introduced me to the band that would change my life forever. Who knew that all it would take was a little Blood, Sugar, Sex, and Magic to get my wand in motion. From that moment on I was the neighborhood rockstar. I went from baggy jeans with the 3x t-shirts, to rocking a medium “insert any popular rock band here”. I had finally found myself, and It was those days in high school that molded me into the eclectic, yet simple kind of man I am today. My mama always told me when I was young that I’d find a girl and settle down one day, and it’s all starting to come to life. Would you believe it if I told you that in college I was the stereotypical player? I mean, when I say I had girls in different area codes, I’m talking about the type that would make Ludacris proud. Yet, I’m still that lonely kid who keeps to himself. I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me, but I still feel like no one really knows me, you know? On the outside, I’m still this likable guy with a welcoming smile, but on the inside I’d rather be to myself. I’ve finally met a woman that has my heart, and things are looking really good for us. She’s somewhat of an introverted extrovert too, and the fact that she likes Kendrick Lamar makes saying, "I love myself” for letting her in so much easier. As I’m writing this it’s bringing back so many memories that I’m starting to realize how much of an amazing life I’ve actually lived. It’s 11:15PM now, and I almost didn’t make the deadline because I had to take a break and reminisce on old times. Currently I’m holding an old Usher CD (yes a CD!), and wishing I started writing this at 7 O’Clock on the dot, instead of 9:30PM. The CD is in pretty bad shape, but I still managed to hear the classic “Confessions" jam that brought me out of my shell as a kid. So this is it. These are my confessions of how music took me from being a shy popular kid, to the introverted/extroverted/loner/ladies man that I am today. With all that being said, I wonder how Britney’s doing..