The Wurst Experience

The early 2000’s hurt my feelings; the way we dressed as teenagers, to the way we smeared black eyeliner around our eyes and never washed the old makeup off of our faces. The way Bath and Body Works products oozed from our pores to cover up the fact that we refused to shower after gym class because we were all too insecure about our pubescent bodies. One thing that hurts the most to think about is my first crush; there’s a memory of him that lurks in the depths of my mind only to pop up around 3:00am when I’m having trouble sleeping.

I was a very late bloomer when it came to the dating world; growing up, my confidence was a -2. I was chubby, socially awkward, wore glasses and watched way too much anime for my own good. I had never had a boyfriend, I had never been kissed and when majority of your friends have gotten handsy and stuck their tongue down someone else’s throat, it makes you feel like a dirty troll. I set out to find love at 15; I had watched so many K Dramas and rom com animes I knew what I was looking for.

The only boy I knew well enough to be interested in at the time, was Gary Wurst; and to me, he was perfection. I met him through my cousin’s church because he was a pastor's kid. He had a younger brother and sister and everything he did was dreamy. He played the organ, and he was in the high school band; what 15 year old wasn’t in love with a boy who played an instrument? I wanted him to notice me as a blossoming young woman instead of a friend. I told my cousin I had a crush on him and we set up a group hang out at the local carnival.

I was so ready to fall in love that day; I straightened my hair until it was crispy, I wore the cutest outfit I owned (head’s up, it wasn’t) and I lathered on that sweet pea body lotion from Bath and Body works like no one’s business. Of course my parents tagged along because I couldn’t drive yet and looking back, I wish that had been the most embarrassing part of my day.

It was the middle of summer, it was hot and unfortunately, 15 year old me had a problem with binge eating; she had no idea how to stay healthy. She only had one neanderthal brain cell that would repeat, “No food. Be skinny.” I refused to eat before climbing on the carnival rides in a terrible attempt to “look skinny” for my crush. I rode just about every ride Gary rode; I HAD to show him I was cool and that I could keep up with him.

Soon enough, I had gone on so many rides, my insides had done every twist and turn to activate nausea; I had to tap out. I felt defeated as I sat at that picnic table, watching ants gather leftover crumbs and shimmy down the side of the metal table.

“Are you okay Ani?” My mom hovered.

“I’m fine,” I smiled through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna sit this next one out.

“Look!” Gary’s younger sister, Ally, blurted while pointing at another spinning carnival ride. “Let’s go!” She urged. Everyone declined; they were hungry, tired, possibly nauseated themselves. In my head, this was the perfect opportunity to impress Gary and take his sister on the ride.

“I’ll go with you,” I jumped up eagerly; my stomach lurched.

“Are you sure?” Gary asked.

“Yeah, of course. It’s only like, what? Three minutes long?” I shrugged.

The sun was ungodly hot and I was somehow still flushed after all the nausea stole the color from my face. We loaded up in the spinning orb and I gave Gary a thumbs up. The carni fastened everyone in with a metal pole that crushed against my stomach. At that moment, I knew I was going to vomit, but somehow convinced myself that if I closed my eyes and focused on nothing, I could get through three measly minutes of spinning; I was wrong.

I kept my eyes shut tightly but all the different lights that came through my eyelids made it feel like I was trapped in a horror, not so fun, house. I quickly opened my eyes and tried to focus on something, anything. It felt like my insides were being stirred with a whisk.

“Ally, I’m not feeling good, I’m so sorry.” I blurted out.

“Huh?” I heard her yell over the music; everything after that was an absolute nightmare.

Not only did I throw up in the ride in front of God and everyone, since the pods were spinning inside of the already spinning ride, when I threw up it swung around and hit me in the face which started a chain reaction. I cannot recall the number of times I cried out the words, “I’m sorry Ally,” followed by violent retching, but I do recall that was the longest three minutes of my life.

I had genuinely never been so embarrassed before; not only did I vomit on Gary’s sister, he WATCHED me vomit on his sister. When the ride finally slowed down, I had been crying for roughly two minutes and 45 seconds. My mom, feeling the second hand embarrassment, ran up the ride and helped me down.

“Excuse me,” She waved the carni over, who obviously did not get paid enough to deal with my bullshit. “My daughter just got SICK,” She whispered loudly. “It’s all in there,” She motioned vaguely at the pod we had been sitting in. He nodded and stepped aside so we could exit.

I refused to make eye contact with anyone else for the rest of the day but remember my mother gasping so loudly I looked up; to my horror the carni not only did not clean out the pod, nor put an “Out of Order” sign over it, he let more children in, who unfortunately sat in my sickness.

To those children, I think of you every once in a while and apologize that you unknowingly (or knowingly?) sat in a puddle of throw up. I have one thing I have wanted to say to you for the last 13 years: My bad.

By the grace of God, Gary and I ended up dating for a whole 6 months which to a 15 year old is a lifetime. For putting up with an awkward egg like myself, and for knowingly having a relationship with a girl who threw up on your sister, I salute you.

**I DO NOT OWN THE PHOTO PROVIDED**