The Worst Pain

it all started when I received a message on plenty of fish. He seemed charming and funny. We met for our first date at his place, he lived around the corner from my place and watched a horrible horror movie called Shrooms. We went back to my place and watched King Of The Hill. That night we slept together for the first time. We continued to see each other but not too long into dating he was getting evicted out of his apartment so me being the kind hearted person that I am, offered for him to move in with me into my small bachelor apartment until he found a place. When he moved in I jumped out of the U-Haul but my foot stayed in. I went to the hospital and messed up the tendons in my foot. He was an absolute gentleman and got a hold of a wheelchair for me because I was in a cast. He would push me around. Things were going well but he wasn’t looking for a place. Shortly after I got my cast off we got into a massive fight. I followed him from the kitchen and stood at the bedroom doorframe. That’s when he attacked me for the first time. He pulled a good chunk of my hair out and repeatedly punched me in the chest. When he snapped out of it he started crying and left for his parents. I should have left him that night and kicked him out but I didn’t. I loved him. We ended up finding a bigger 2 bedroom apartment just up the street. From there things only got worse. I worked two jobs and could barely hold one down I was paying for everything and he was spending all my money on stuff for himself. I wasn’t allowed to spend my own money. He would snap and throw things, like the time he broke my favourite glass because of something I said. I had to walk on eggshells around him. He had a wandering eye, he would constantly waived between me and other women. Almost breaking up with me for them. He wasn’t all bad, when I accidentally broke my dead grandmothers ring at work, he went out and bought me a promise ring. We would go on adventures hiking and to concerts, haunted houses but the second I stepped a toe out of line I would be screamed at. He decided to we needed to take a break at one point and it broke my heart. I’m sure it was just so he could just go out and sleep with other women. It lasted about a week. One day he told me to get dressed up and that we were going out. I got into the nicest dress I had and he drove to my favourite park. Started playing my favourite song by my favourite band, got down on one knee and proposed in the rain. I said yes. I was over the moon. We started planning and had an engagement party. Not too long after that his mother who he was VERY close too was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I suggested we move up the wedding so she could be apart of it as they were predicting she wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. He accused me of being selfish when I was doing it for him knowing he would want her to be there. We ended up planning it so she could be there, got the venue, the dress everything except the license. He had a huge meltdown. Screaming and yelling at me. Saying that I pressured him into proposing which isn’t me at all. He grabbed a knife and pointed it at me. I made him go to the hospital and admitted to the psych ward. I was called in by his psychiatrist for a meeting. He never told his psychiatrist that he pulled a knife on me so it bought him a few more days in the ward. Instead of apologizing to me as we were leaving he told me thanks for the extra days. After he got out of the ward I’d say about a week he confessed something to me. That he molested his half sister when he was younger. He defended it by saying that he had failure to thrive when he was younger which isn’t an excuse. I was disgusted. We called off the wedding but we’re still engaged. A few weeks later we were sitting in the car together and I burst out into tears. He suggested that I admit myself to the psych ward. I agreed. We were outside while I was having my last smoke before going in and he told me that if him and I weren’t together him and this other girl would be. He then left me alone terrified and hurt to go pick her up. I was crying and clawing at myself for 8 hours in emergency until I got a bed in the psych ward. I cried for two days straight. I saw my psychiatrist that I now see regularly. Was given meds and was starting to see things clearly. I got a call from his sister. She told me that he told the other girl that he loved her. I was disgusted, horrified and heartbroken. I called him and ended it for good. I was in the hospital for a total of 15 days and he saw me twice. I still had to live with him afterwards until I found a place to live. As soon as I got out we got into an argument because he had a bumble date and I asked him to give me some fucking grace after everything so he kicked me out. Instead of fighting him I just left. I blocked him on everything but he still found ways to try and stalk me for well over a year afterwards. I have ptsd from this relationship and almost made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thank god every day we didn’t get married. He never would’ve signed the divorce papers and would have continued to make my life hell. I hear he’s engaged again and I wish that women the best of luck because I’m not entirely sure she knows what she’s in for.