The Time is Now:

Today, and I'm not sure why, and of all days, it is inconceivable that this day I would be strong enough to tell you; to divulge to you and... well, To unburden me of what I've been trying to unburden me of for eons, or let's say, my lifetime..., since I was nine. The time passed so quickly..., so very, very quickly while I was working diligently on the pure anxiety, guilt, and sense of self-loathing that originated from this event - the event I surmised, with help, of course, was the origin of all my terrible troubles! I have worked hard to get to this point: to the end of all of my suffering when I could, like, I said before, unburden myself to you.

Remember what happened one night while you were cooking. I made a blood-curdling scream from my room and hollered, "Mom, Mom, Mom..." you dropped everything! I could hear the pan crash, clang, clang to the floor. You ran so fast to my room that it appeared you had teleported. You arrived to find me plastered to the wall, a look of stagnant horror on my face, my mouth agape in a silent movie scream. In the middle of my bed was a big, big thing, as you had put it at the time, "a bug of sorts." And then you said, and gingerly, I might add, that thing you always say:

"It's the biggest one I've ever seen!" Since I was a little girl, I would never kill a bug; I refused to use a fly swatter and always put bugs, even mosquitoes,...Nats, if I could catch them, outside! Everything has its purpose, and I mean everything! just because it's small, well, it... blah, blah, blah."

Although disassociating at the time and in slow-mo, I could see that you could see that this was a "teaching moment" It required handling things; and with care...

Searching for a cup and a piece of cardboard, your usual method of rescuing such things, but before you began the extraction, I'm not sure why, but I had a sudden urge to inspect a bit closer... Leaning in, I discovered two Antenna looking a bit livelier than expected, wiggling to and fro in the nonexistent wind in my room. I thought to myself and realized, to my chagrin, that he was merely playing possum in avoidance of execution. Before i could express my viewpoint, dear Mother, you grabbed the cup and executed the jailing of this big thing. You strategically and slowly moved his new cell onto the cardboard chosen to assist in his capture. With the most exuberant exclamation, you proudly assured me and anyone within hog yelling distance, "I got it!" It was clear to all who wondered that our new friend was now encapsulated and bound for freedom.

Such momentary relief I felt as you moved forward toward my bedroom door on your way to releasing our captive. In that split second, I hurriedly glanced back for last looks, and in what seemed to be slow motion, I made a horrifying discovery! In concern for his well-being and aroused by your perceived "teaching moment," the cup had gone awry and, with your aim off-center, had ripped a little leg off!!!

I imagined your self-loathing if you caught wind that you and you alone had crippled him; you and only you had been the sources of his demise. To save you from a lifetime of guilt, I hurriedly skipped outside, grabbing the cup on my way, exclaiming that I would be the one to set him free. I arrived at the creek feeling mischievous; I looked to see if anyone had followed me. Realizing I was alone, in sheer rebellion, and knowingly in defiance, as every child is, I secretly, gingerly and ever so slowly removed his remaining leg and watched him bob away down the river.