The Possible

The Possible

The moment that I wish that I could take back. The moment that I wish I had really thought it through. The single thing that wrecked my entire life and changed it completely.... happened about 10 years ago.

I said yes to my girlfriend’s offer to have a threesome with someone she worked with. I did not know that this person would completely turn my relationship around. The way that would look at my current relationship would be entirely not the same anymore. And of course, I would find some other way to wreck it.

My girlfriend and I were exceptionally good together and good friends. When this opportunity came into our relationship...it was something that neither of us had experienced before and was a little intriguing. After about a year of doing the threesome, it was fun and exciting and then other things happened that made our relationship hard to deal with. I started to feel that things were off with my girlfriend and me. I could not tell what it was because we were still great but just something that was off, and I thought it was the guy involved.

I reverted to something that I had not done in a long time. I started looking elsewhere in my relationship because I needed something else...I could not figure out how to explain it to my girlfriend. It was the guy involved in our relationship and it was taking over us. It was no longer a two-person relationship...it was a three-person relationship. I met someone and was planning on just being friends, but other things happened, and I lost who I was.

This is where I knew that my entire life would no longer be the same and I would no longer be happy in my life. I wrecked my entire love life easily and I only have myself to blame. I went in and out of this person in my life and my girlfriend forgave me so many times when she really should not have. I ruined her trust and our relationship.

I was very lost in this world. I could not get out of the wreckage. For so many years I had loved this woman. I was not a lesbian, but I was in love with my best friend. I could not understand who I really was and why I felt this way. I had loved men before and was in different relationships with them. None were sexual except the one in our threesome.

Fast forward 5 years...I lost my girlfriend, the guy involved in the threesome, many friends that we shared, and someone that was the only person that could make me happy just by being around. The guy that I cheated on my girlfriend with was and is a horrible person. He used a lot of charm and friendly nature to get me into his life and used me for so many years. He pulled me away from my friends and family, only wanted me to be around him and destroyed any real part of me that I was. Finally, after having his child...I have found strength to get away from him and his abusing ways. I just wanted to be happy and right now I can feel myself really trying to get back to who I really am. I need to do that for my son. My son is the only person that can give me the true strength to keep moving forward and not get stuck back in the world of this negative person. His father was the worst experience I have ever had in my life, and I was truly stupid for ruining my relationship for this.... The only good outcome of all this is my son. I only wish for my ex-girlfriend's forgiveness. I will be strong and get better and back to me.