The Place of Shameful and Talent

“Well, in your opinion, is he phobic? Is it possible that he has so many girls? Is it possible that he goes out every night? Nope. “

There is only one social phobia, but everyone is phobic in his own way, everyone is himself, according to his experience, his environment, his habits and in the same family a child is born phobic and the other is not. We know it’s a frontal cortex problem.

Things that scare are not the same for everyone. Some fear contact with the opposite sex, others fear job interviews, university exams, social occasions, showing their artistic or sporting skills, doing something in public. There are those who are anxious and blaze at the supermarket checkout, those who cannot eat at the restaurant. (I eat there, but I prefer what Manzoni called “the place of the shameful”, that is, behind), those who hate the telephone (!)

Do you remember the infamous gymnastics hour in middle school, when no one signed your exemption, and you had to jump the terrible obstacle, sure that you would be smashed to the ground under the eyes of the laughing companions?

Seriously, there are those who face their misfortune and those who withdraw, those who love to show off and those who hide, those who are ambitious and those who just want to live in peace. I tell you; follow your nature, it will show you the way, if something is fundamental for you, you will find a way to do it, head on if you are capable, or bypassing the obstacle, delegating. If you are thirsty, convince yourself, the important thing is to drink, even if, of course, pouring the water yourself would give you more satisfaction. Aim for the goal and put the guilt behind you for not having achieved it in the classic way, as others do. You have your methods, your times, you are you.

Throwing yourself into it and doing everything that scares us can be a good workout, but it shouldn’t become the obligation that turns your every day into a nightmare. It is already so tiring to live, already every gesture natural for others becomes a burden, a barrier for us, let’s not waste all the energy to do what we don’t know how to do, let’s use it to develop our talents, to enuclear them, to cultivate them, let’s convey it on pleasant activities, which can make us progress in life without mortifying us and exhausting us.

There is, however, I believe, one thing that unites us all: the fear of annoying. It is never the time to call and you postpone, while the others, who knows why, always call us while in the mystery story they are about to tell who the killer is, if the latest episode of the soap we have been following for ten years is on TV , or when we put the first forkful of Mom’s lasagna in our mouth. It is never the time to ask for a favor or a recommendation, it is not the time to send your manuscript to the publisher.

If they bring you pepperoni pizza instead of the capricciosa you ordered, you eat it quietly, even when you are allergic to pepperoni — because the one in the kitchen, poor thing, is a guy who works, because you understand that maybe he too is stressed like you, while the other diners — your bold, cheeky friends — demand compensation, apologies and another pizza in record time. So I ask you: who is the best person? The arrogant who says: “I pay therefore I demand”, or you who know how to understand, put yourself in the other’s shoes, empathize with the waiter who got confused, panicked and didn’t make a mistake on purpose? Are you the fool who suffers and does not know how to come forward or, rather, the understanding, intelligent, kind, compassionate person?

Learn to always look at the other side of the coin, the positive side of everything you are and do, of your every behavior. This not to bury your head in the sand and imagine yourself different, but to examine things from every possible perspective and re-evaluate what needs to be re-evaluated. Ask yourself: if it were not me, how would I judge this action?

I know, there are certain days that… everything seems useless, what you do in your practical life, your work, what you write, what you study. The novels, the short stories, the essays, the reviews. Hours of crazy studies, very desperate and very useless. Because there are always windmills there, the silent rubber walls, those who laugh at you, at your painstaking and free work, those who say that you are feel-good, that you have to leave the field to the professionals, those who pity you.

It takes perseverance to keep a blog without anyone ever commenting on it, letting words fall into the void, like messages in a bottle. Consistency and obstinacy like a stupid mule, insensitive to pain. In case you were followed by an editor, a journalist, a shit one who matters. Instead, only those who laugh at your commitment hear you. Those who always try to convince others that they are not valid in order to raise themselves. Those of the “I critic ergo sum”. Those who, if you get angry, they enjoy themselves and, if you complain, you are a crybaby. Or maybe friends who, rightly, tell you: “You do it because you like it, otherwise no one could force you to, you do it because you know how to do it.” And with this they pay you.

And it’s true, you do it because you feel that that is the truest part of yourself, what you were called to do but you didn’t do because of the usual, damned, social phobia. You do it because, while you are reading, while you are studying, while you are writing, while you are documenting, you are fine and you do not miss anything. You do it because those are the things that make you who you are.

Especially if you are young, I know you feel in a mud swamp: life goes on and you can’t jump into it. Friends get engaged, get married, have children, find jobs, advance careers, change cities and you are always there, behind, waiting for the solution to come from heaven. If you feel like crying, do it, but then breathe and start looking inside yourself, ask yourself what are the things that represent you, without which life would no longer be yours but that of someone else, and move in that direction. Follow your instinct, your talent, go in the direction of what attracts you, without tearing, without violence, concentrating on what you are doing, one step after another, as if only that existed. Do not think about anything, do not think about the rest, about everything you will not know and will never be able to do, just think “now I have to write this page, now I have to make this phone call that is fundamental for me, only this and nothing else, now I have to send this email, then we’ll see, whatever happens, I’ll think about it”.

“From what comes what”, always. And, as Scarlet said, tomorrow is another day.