The Other Woman

When you are a little girl, you fantasize about this fairytale of what life is supposed to be like. You grow up and meet someone, instantly fall in love, and live happily ever after. What you do not account for when daydreaming about this perfect life is the possibility of "The Other Woman ." The Other Woman is not the girlfriend or wife but the mistress. In today's society, we are always led to believe that "The Other Woman" should be blamed for ruining a marriage. But that should not be the case. The other woman should not be condemned by society. She is just a person that fell in love with someone who was already in a relationship. The path to becoming "The Other Woman" does not just happen overnight; I think it strives from having an attachment disorder, needing a sense of empowerment, and being in love.

What is love? The word is used every day. Do people say that they love someone say it just to say it, or does it mean something to them? The dictionary term for love is the feeling of deep affection for someone. Love can have different meanings depending on your relationship with the person. Love can be painful, difficult, devastating, extraordinary, and life-changing. Love is not supposed to hurt, no matter what you feel for them. Love should not be easy; it is supposed to be pure, honest, and expressive. Your partner should want what is best for you. Being in love should make it complicated to think about life with anyone else. The kind of love everyone strives for in life should last not because of the infatuation but because of that feeling of timelessness.

Relationships are not just about loving one another. It is about growing with each other, having someone by your side, and going through life's journey together. Cheating kills a relationship. What is the reason behind that? If you sincerely love your partner, what is the reason for cheating? The reasons someone cheats may be a complicated task. According to Dr. Robert Weiss, The critical reasons for cheating are "Sometimes cheaters struggle with self-esteem, cheating on one's partner is a way to explore repressed parts of their self, and infidelity is not the result of a bad primary relationship" (Why People Still Cheat on Partners They still Love). It may be straightforward, either for revenge or because you want something new. While you think cheating may lead to something new in your life, you have changed the person you have cheated on. You have allowed them to become someone they never thought of becoming—a person filled with regret and hatred, leaving them with that feeling of being unloved.

One reason that leads to someone becoming "The Other Woman" is attachment issues or "Daddy Issues." Daddy issues do not just affect women. It has a more profound impact on them. In the essay "What are Daddy Issues," "Attachment disorder comes down to which parents love was missing or inconsistent in your life and how that unfulfilled craving for love and connection has impacted your behavior in adult relationships to form emotional bonds, says Tatiana T. Melendez." Growing up, if you are missing that idea of love and trust, this leaves an imprint on your emotions and can affect how you view yourself and how they act in relationships. Lack of affection also leads some women to become intertwined with the first person that shows them appreciation or interest, which may lead to them thinking they can change the person and their marital status just because they believe they are in love.

That feeling of being entirely in control and on top of the world is why some women do not mind being "The Other Woman." Every decision you make is for yourself and not for someone else gives you a sense of empowerment. While women in relationships mostly have to run everything by their partner, mostly out of courtesy. Clinical Psychologist Shreya Gandhi validates the feeling of control by stating, "Staying in control is very important for women who can't let go. They don't want to be hurt. Being with a married man gives them the option to walk away when they want and continue to feel righteous—not an option in a steady relationship(The Lure of the Married Man)". This also allows the other woman to get a guy without all the responsibility of a relationship; The kids, the bills, the grocery shopping, etc. While having that sense of control, she is also aware that they want to be when they are with her, not because they see her as an obligation. Being the other woman, she is aware that she is why he is canceling plans with his wife, why he is never home, making the relationship easier for her.

Secret relationships can become intoxicating. You get so caught up in the moment that you forget what is at stake. In this case, being ¨The Other Woman¨ is future heartbreak and disappointment. One woman from "The Other Woman Experiences" said, "I got upset because we were acting like a couple, but we couldn't meet up, and he couldn't be there for me when I needed him. Because he wasn't mine" (The Other Woman Experiences). Secret relationships never lead to the healthiest habits. In an intimate relationship, it is stressful for some women because they are the dirty little secret; they are filled with guilt, under emotional stress, and that feeling of always being the second choice. When you forget what is at stake in the relationship, you open yourself up to all kinds of emotional damage you were unprepared for. Then they become left knowing that they will never wholeheartedly have the person they fell in love with.

Women are not the only ones that seek out relationships with others. So do men. Studies have shown that men fall in love more quickly than women. When men fall in love, they feel happier, show more confidence, and even have been known to have increased energy. When they start falling for other women, it is like a drug they can not avoid. They become so intoxicated around them that they may not even realize they are hurting their partner. Many people explore other relationships for different reasons. Some men are looking for someone they can emotionally connect to because they are starting to lose that feeling in the current connection. Instead of openly communicating with their partner, they sabotage themselves and try to find comfort in others, with the hope that they will be able to have their cake and eat it too.

Love is complex and confusing. We may never fully understand what causes different kinds of people to fall in love with each other. We know that you can not help who you fall in love with. You can remove yourself from certain situations that can lead to something romantic. But you can not stop yourself from falling in love with someone, whether they are in a relationship or not. “The Other Woman” should never be blamed for entering a relationship with someone already involved with someone else; they can not help it. Sure, they can choose not to enter a relationship surrounded by lies and fueled by lust and infatuation. But it is not up to us, as a society, to judge others and tell them who they should and should not love. All we must do is support them because relationships are between a person and their partner or partners. Any outside influence is unnecessary for a relationship you are not a part of.