The Only Dating Advice You Need!

Right now, you might be thinking that dating is a waste of time. You might have gone on countless dates that have ended with you thinking why? Maybe you are laying in bed at night swiping away person after person and as each minute passes you seem to be no closer to finding the right person than when you first started using dating apps. You might have even decided to download multiple dating apps to increase your chances. If this is the case then I highly recommend you read this piece fully.

I aim to share my own experiences on dating and hopefully help you evaluate dating as a whole. Maybe even help you increase your chances of finding the right person.

The problem with dating apps.

Firstly, if you are a Male you are at a disadvantage before you even began. Statistically speaking, women get more likes and messages than Men, there are many reasons for this. Generally, Men are expected to make the first move and this is not a bad thing at all but it does contribute to why Men get fewer interactions even if they get a successful match. Perception, dating apps rely on the way you look; it is how it is designed if you are not seen as attractive to the majority you are going to have a tough time on dating apps. It is easy to see that if you do not meet certain aspects of the dating app you are less likely to get views or matches. Dating apps are widely known to operate off the biases of their users and this just adds to the problems.

Despite, what I just said there is a time and place for dating apps. I am not telling you to just delete all the apps but I highly recommend it. For example, the pandemic was a perfect excuse to use dating apps you are stuck at home and you want to connect with new people. Although, I cannot find reliable statistics on the percentage increase in the use of dating apps some sources estimate around 63% - 579% across a wide range of websites and apps. It is easy to understand why. Many were restricted, hence the internet was there to fill the void. Additionally, if you live in a small town perhaps yes dating apps can offer you more.

It is easy to sit there and blame your lack of interactions and success solely on dating apps. If you are doing so you should stop, although they are partly to blame, a large proportion of your success is down to you. You might be asking yourself what can I do?

Beyond dating apps and dating

Before you even consider dating you need to be as complete as you can be. But what does that mean? It means that there are certain things that you need to be aware of.

Looks matter

As much as I would like to say that looks do not matter, they do. When someone first meets you, they don't see your bulging personality popping through your shirt. It is your looks, the way you dress, your hair and your physique. These are important at first, looks help you get someones attention then you 'keep' them with your personality. Now, you can make improvements in this aspect of dating by doing the following:

• Working out is great even from a health perspective, you feel better and look better.
• Dress better, this does not mean buying expensive clothes. It means putting more effort into clothes that fit well for your frame and style. It makes all the difference. The better you look the better you make the clothes look.
• Use fragrances, the way you smell matters. I do not feel like I have to explain any further on this one.
• Hairstyles, maintain your hair and find a hairstyle that suits your face shape. Google is your friend if you are unsure about what your face shape is.

Be comfortable with yourself

This might sound like the opposite of trying to find someone. For you to increase your chances of finding someone you need to be confident in being alone and happy with yourself. Being desperate and alone does not exactly give off the look of confidence and independence. If you are not happy with yourself how do you expect anyone else to like you? It sounds firm and a bit harsh but it is true, when you love yourself the way you act and speak increases your sense of confidence. You can do the following to help you with this:

• Spend some time alone and self reflect why do you want a relationship? Usually, if it is because you are alone that is the wrong reason for pursuing a relationship.
• Have a purpose in life, people like someone who knows what they want in life. If your whole purpose in life is to get a relationship then you shouldn't be in one.
• Are you ready? You have to ask yourself are you ready to start a relationship. Understand if you are emotionally ready and have a level of maturity to start a relationship.

No one is perfect

This is true, we are all human. Hence, when you are looking for a relationship, do not rock up to dates or meetups with a mental tick-list. It is fine knowing the qualities you want in someone and I encourage you to look for things you like in someone. But remember, just because someone does not meet every single criterion you have does not mean you shouldn't date them. Relationships require a lot of work and compromise, so just keep in mind that when you interact with someone hoping to build a meaningful relationship, you might not be everything that they are looking for and that is okay. We are not perfect, so do not set unrealistic standards.

Values

This is not very obvious at first but when you are dating or getting into a relationship you and the person you are spending time with have to have the same goal in life to a certain extent. I am not telling you to be mirror images of each other in every way but you have to agree in aspects that matter the most so you have less friction as the relationship grows. For example, if you two like different movies that's fine but both of you have to agree on the important things such as family values i.e. your parents might be a big part of your life. Maybe, kids, you might disagree with the names but are both of you happy having kids and starting a life? The main point is to share the same values in the important aspects of life.

Respect

This might seem so simple but it is effective. When you speak to someone you like, simply treat them like a normal human being. They aren't mystical beings. Just treat them as you would anyone with respect and listen. Here is a tip, when you speak to someone and they are passionate about something remember the little details and reference them in later conversations. It shows them that you care about what they have to say.

Keep it simple

What does it mean to keep it simple in the dating scene? Try not to overcomplicate text messages, there is no right answer. You might think this is some sort of test, and if you do not come up with some witty response it is the end of the world. That is certainly not true. You can start by asking a question that increases the chances of getting a response and it is certainly better than just saying some analogue of 'Hi'. Secondly, do not over analyse text messages usually the message means what it means at face value. You do not have to transform into Tom Hanks and decode a passage of text as if you were in Da Vinci Code (it is a good movie). Do not play games. Be straightforward with your intentions, what do you want out of this? If you keep it simple you will avoid a lot of headaches. Do not be afraid to compliment them but do not overdo it. Lastly, remember to be yourself share your passions and go with the flow it does get easier.

"Do not try to get a relationship"

Although there is some truth to this, it is not great advice at face value. What you should do is try, of course, within reason. Do not make it your life's mission to get a relationship. But be active in making connections and meeting people. You cannot expect to get a relationship if you never try, right? There is a difference between being desperate and actively making the effort.

Conclusion

There is no magic formula to solve your dating problems but there are things you can do to increases your chances. Dating is hard and it is okay, many people are in the same boat as you.

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As always this is your friendly online nerd sharing my knowledge with you until next time stay safe :D.