The Moment That Changed Me

The event that changed my life forever is one I will never forget. The person who was my best friend, my mother, my girlfriend, my sister, my rock, my everything passed away. And left me all alone. Without a friend in the world. Or that is the way that I felt. And sometimes that is the way that it was. My mom was an amazing person. And when I lost her… It completely changed my life. And not for the better. When my mom died, I drank… alcohol. I drank probably more alcohol than I should have been drinking. I was not eating and that could have made the drinking worse. I never drank enough to be considered an alcoholic or even drunk, But I am sure if my kids read this article, they would insist even more than they already do, that I do not ever drink again.

I completely shut down when my mom died. Two days after she died was Thanksgiving that year. I could not even look at a turkey or celebrate Thanksgiving or be thankful for anything for so long. I could not eat a banana for so long. Because that was the one food when my mom was sick that was easy for her to eat. I did not want to lean on anybody when I lost my mom. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to be able to grieve, but I could not grieve because I had to make all these decisions. I had to decide what coffin I would bury her in. I had to decide how she was going to be buried. I had to decide what was going to be on her tombstone. I had to make all those decisions by myself. I had only turned nineteen years old the month before and I had to grow up fast. Even more than I had already had to grow up when she got ill.

I was never the same again, I have not been the same for the almost twenty years that she has been gone. Losing your mom, even more so when you are close to her, is one of the worst feelings in the world. Losing a parent is so bad that the only things that can be worse, or even close to being as bad as losing parent is losing a child or a spouse.

There are hardships in our lives that we go through that can make or break us, and this event broke me. I had to even call it an event, because it was so horrible, calling it an event makes it sound like it should be fun, but it was a hardship. It was the hardest thing that I had been through up to that point in my life. At this point in my life, I had not yet been a mother, so I only had myself and a little bit of my sister to think about. I had to think about my mom and what my mom wanted.

Still to this day I am not the woman I used to be. Losing my mom really changed my live, in ways I did not realize it would. In the end this happening to me has shaped my life and how I deal with certain things.

Losing my mom made me look at doctor’s opinions and wholeheartedly believe in second opinions. It taught me to take care of my kids and not go off the first diagnosis that I receive. It taught me to appreciate what I have in my life.

I will never get over my moms’ death. Almost twenty years later and it still breaks my heart. It forever changed my life as I once knew it.