The I'm Sorry But

Is there anything more disingenuous or less sincere then the “I’m sorry but?” What other four words (three I guess if you consider the contraction “I’m” a single word) allow one to pretend to apologize while at the same time providing the perfect segue for a lecture explaining why one does not actually need to. In fact, in many cases the “I’m sorry buttee” is in for an educating discourse on why they should be the one apologizing. Can we please, as a collective unit of humanity, agree to stop saying this. If I might suggest an alternative, simply withhold the apology until such time as one is actually sorry, and then proceed to apologize in a sincere and meaningful fashion. Save the explanations and caveats for a later date or never. If one is not actually sorry, that is OK too, simply refrain from apologizing as described in the previous sentence. That is all.

Or is it? Because of Vocal's ridiculous 600 word count minimum that is not all. You also get this bonus feature article.

The I’m Not Blaming You/It’s Not Your Fault But

All The Lack of Sincerity of The I’m Sorry But Without That Sappy Fake Apology Stuff

In my last (and only) “relationship” article (above) I asked the question, is there anything more disingenuous or less sincere then the “I’m sorry but.” It turns out the answer is yes. The I’m not blaming you/it’s not your fault but, followed by all the reasons you are and it is, falls into the similar genre of tired, overused, and patently bogus argument maneuvers. Unlike the I’m sorry but however, the I’m not blaming you but, allows one to claim the superior moral position of not laying blame undeservedly at the feet of one’s arguing partner, while simultaneously allowing one to explain all the reasons they should be (but definitely are not) blaming you. If it just so happens that those non-reasons for non-blame are things for which you have apologized profusely already that is only a coincidence, and has nothing to do with the particular act for which you are currently not being blamed. I think the idea is ultimately to win the argument by attrition, because at least for me I get so confused trying to keep track of what I am not being blamed for, I can’t remember what the heck it is I am (not) guilty of doing, and trying to remember why I did all those terrible things in the past which have (nothing) to do with why I am currently (not) being blamed for the current (not) bad thing I did for which I am (not) being blamed. Before long my head starts spinning and I have to sit down. If I might suggest an alternative, simply withhold the explanations and caveats and let the matter drop. If you truly are not blaming the other person then why are you fighting at all. If one actually want to fight that is OK too, just choose a different tactic other than this confusing and ridiculous feint. Might I suggest a good old fashion insult?

And after two complete stories, both very funny if I don't mind saying, a we are still not at 600 words......so as a special treat you also get a second special bonus poetry feature

The Hole in Space - A Short Poem with a Hat

The hole in space was in the corner of my closet

I had it hidden under an old hat I owned

It was best to keep it covered

If you looked at it too closely your mind would rebel and a wave of nausea would follow

It is impossible to describe in any meaningful way

It is easier to say what it is not

It is not a hole, or a rip, or a rend, or any other tear in the fabric of reality.

It is not a wormhole, or dimensional gateway, or quantum fluctuation, or any other such science fiction device

It is simply a hole in space

It needs to be filled

It needs to be fixed

It needs to be closed

For now the hat will have to do